Galnet underworld 2
27 Jun 2016Howard, o Pato
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4625 kHzNyx Clutter, daughter of Chaos Clutter, pilot, federal, born in 13/11/3283. If I look at my credentials I accept what it says there, like being myself? Recognize that my name defines who I am? Or was it something deeper, much further than what the law defines as being me?
Talk about what defines a person can simply be categorized as accumulated knowledge and experience. But if I choose it as a definition, anyone who passed by the same events and accumulate the same experiences, she could claim it would be "I", be sure to tell that person would be me, and I would not be anyone but a person's shadow that really came to live these events, unlike me who just passed by all as a spectator, almost invisible to the eyes of the infinite universe?
It has more than a week that Howard asks me to give entry in the diary, but I'm not good to speak. He wants me to do it with my own words, because what happened, happened when he was ... "Away". I have trouble to set things, perhaps because I do not really know who I am. Then he asked me to start talking about myself, find a definition, a starting point. But just thinking about it I get nervous, because I can not say how much of me is left.
Maybe it was easier for me to think like Howard himself, and sometimes I do it, and he is, would not someone who discusses this kind of dilemma. Merely I am thinking about who I am already makes the ridiculous subject. And I feel ashamed to think like Howard after all this time and all the events and torture in which he passed, he still remains the same Howard, firm and confident, own himself as a man.
And he just not realize it. While it is clear as a lighthouse, to see the way it influences everyone around him, he always remains Howard, I think that not even he realizes that. He has no need to figure it out, there is no doubt. Howard, for sure I have, it's "Howard."
And that's why he always knows how to tell his own story, he has this facility to be unique. And that's why I like him. "Nyx like Howard." And if it is to set some certainty about me, strangely, perhaps this is the starting point to define myself. When I'm alone in the bath or in the cockpit, caught me in surprise, for writing his name in the glass fogged by steam. And that's all I have to tell my story.
So now I decided to speak, but not as a woman exaggeratedly was mentioned by Howard as a descendant of Hippolyta, but as a mere human, so they know I'm a woman, and a girl.
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End of transmission