Light and Haze, 15: Reclaim What's Yours
10 Oct 2021Meowers
Yup, it's me. I'm... Uh. I'm okay, don't worry. Stuff happens... And... Yeah, seems like Jacqueline has more chances with those trainings than I ever thought... I'm quite pleased, really. We were doing these training runs in the asteroid field, where she learns how to handle the ship, and... she's good at it. Have I... Have I seen her trying to use the lateral thrusters already? So, she's starting to move confidently, at higher speeds, making sharper turns. Never hit a rock once, hah. But the most positive moment... Looks like she's okay with all that. She's not doing that because I told her to, or because she has nothing else to do. She's interested, and even going through the theory tests with decent scores and... asks for more of them. And also, yeah, what's really nice. She's getting used to... be on the ship. In the space. Like, you know, that little cockpit, canopy glass, even if it's armoured... But there are trillions of trillions of kilometres around you, and it's all empty space, completely devoid of any life. And that doesn't seem to make her unsettled or something, she... She even insisted on taking those lunch boxes every time, to have a break while just floating adrift, without returning to the closest station. Oh... Should I teach her how to eat and drink using just one hand, without leaving the seat and even stopping, like a true old-school pilot? Hah.
So, I guess, it's a good time to start the second stage. After returning from the last training flight, I called the station crew and ordered to replace the interdictor module with the surface scanner. Yeah, I won't be teaching her how to attack people, huh. We'll litter some planets with probes instead of it. And our next 'theory lesson' was all about using this thing and then counting money. With, um, 'find some earth-likes, terraformables, water and ammonia worlds around Komotae using third-party databases, but stick to the independent space as those Big Three arseholes will try to kill us and it's not a damn joke' kind of homework. Oh, yay, I really should think about making an instructor career when I retire, hah. If I retire. More sarcastic 'hah'. Maybe they'll invent so many assist modules so I could sleep on my job.
Speaking of sleeping... Yeah, she still have those nightmares from time to time, but... We're not in a haste. I'm not insisting on those flights, not pressing on her, just waiting, giving her time to relax and rest properly, if her sleep wasn't good. And she always can choose to stay on a station at any day, if she's really not okay... Environment matters too. I covered the bathroom mirror with a towel, yup, that her appearance issue. So she can be safe there, looking at it only when, um, she wants it, and properly 'prepared', no more accidents. And also... She said that having that soft dimmed light, enough to see at least something, really helps to emerge from those bad sleeps. Hah... Bless the Kittenshine. I just looked away and nodded. My old trick. Proven by, hah, damn years. Don't need it now, thankfully, but now it's a habit...
And, that... Accident, happened with me the other day. Uh. So, when I woke up... I didn't know what to say to her. Just... Yup. Awkward, a little... Spent a few minutes completely silent, making coffee, trying not to..look at her. Can't say that it was a shame or something... Hah, I told her about my own reactions on this, and now I was confused myself. Ah, love the irony. That's just... Ah. That's quite difficult. I was trying to be... Unfaltering in her eyes. Someone she can rely on, at any moment. And now that image was..broken? Perhaps. But, anyway, later then... Happened something that was a.. Surprise for me. She reached me, took my hand and said..that it's okay, and she's glad to see that I'm better today. And that she knows now what I'm going through, what..forces I face. Yup, it's quite difficult to explain how damn hard it can be sometimes, to..make it through another day. Sometimes..even minutes matter. And it's difficult to notice 'from the outside', for someone who don't know what it is, so... You probably can never know what kind of fight the other person is fighting, how much effort they put into it... Even trying to explain it takes a lot of trust.
But... Maybe she understands me better now? Maybe my words have another, deeper meaning for her? Ah. Can't say exactly. And...hah...I'm too shy to ask. Let it be that way. And...well, the positive effect. We're talking much more now, about any random things. From politics to 'what movies we watched being kids'. Uh, I can barely remember. I tend to quickly forget about anything that didn't have useful information for me, hah. But, also... Told her to stop and tell me if she starts to feel even a little uneasy. And to write down any possibly problematic topics into her datapad. So she may refer to those notes later, while talking to a specialist... Saves a lot of time and effort.
So, what about the work? Jacqueline was doing pretty okay with those mappings. Still sending some probes off the target, and meeting the maximum efficiency is a kind of struggle, but, hey. One step at a time. I didn't have to correct her, at all. Mapping those already known planets can't give you the real explorer's profits, however, it will be enough for a first time. Universal Cartography is always paying for the data updates on them. So... She was quite good with mapping, jumping and cruising, I had to switch the control to my co-pilot... Hah! Can you imagine that mess? I'm seriously going to say 'my co-pilot seat'. Errrm... Oh, that's, kind of, strange. So. I was rerouting the control only during hydrogen scooping, to keep the temperatures safe. And landings and takeoffs, of course. Let the PF instructors take care of that, without traffic controllers yelling at us. Uh... Or should I place 'learner pilot' decals on the ship?
I'm... I'm really glad to see her progress. It's... Inspirational. It makes me think that I do something that's right, and... That's all I ask. To see that my own experiences and knowledge were helpful to someone else. Just... Just remember what kind of crap was happening, like, few weeks ago... And what I see now? Aw. So, now, seeing her feeling herself safe and confident... Totally worth it. She may not need these skills in the future to make a living. Let her choose the future on her own. But... She can see now, that even after all those... Events. That made her life like this, jeopardised her career, caused that mental troubles... She's able to learn, to work, to live... To recover. To reclaim her own life. Ah, at least to try... Yeah, this is so far from end now, this is, honestly, just the very beginning, and, um, she will probably have to... control it throughout all her life. But, today and now, she's on the right path. I hope.
"Oh, wow... Just, wow. How much?..", Jacqueline had a hard time believing the numbers, when I transferred her the funds she made with those scannings.
"Yup. It's all yours. You did the work, you earned the money. And you don't owe me a single credit now. As I've said back then, we settled this in the respectable way. See... Four, maybe five more runs like this, and you'll be relatively okay for several months to come. Treatment included. If you'll keep yourself from compulsive buying, of course, hah. And we have enough time to do those flights."
Yeah, also, that may sound shallow or even too... Materialistic. But nevertheless it's quite important for... Mental well-being. In a modern society. So... She may see that her actions, her work that she performed today... Is, actually, well paid. Her skills are in demand. So she's able to afford a living, doing something that she knows how to do. She still can... Live. Independent. Even after events happened to her. Can plan her incomes and expenses. Can rely on herself again, can even think about building a career. Or about restoring her medical education. So when she eventually leave that protection... She won't be lost anymore. Yeah, there are also trainings ahead... But, hey, she's doing pretty well even on a much heavier ship. To be honest, few can boast having that level of 'unofficial' experience. And, khm, I don't see any signs of her... Reluctance to do those flights. Even if it's not 'her' thing, she's okay with it, knowing that she may need it now as the most solid option.
Ah, who am I kidding, few positive episodes can't change anything significantly. But she will have some of these new 'victories' to remember later. To build up on them.
And... Uh, she ordered a giant pizza as soon as we got back to the cabin. Good ending for a good day, huh?.. At last.