The Sentinel Fulcrum, 23: Stalemate
11 Jan 2022Meowers
The following conversation... Wasn't exactly enjoyable. And he was upset. Of course it wasn't enjoyble and he was upset! Hah. Accused me of trying to..take him hostage for applying first aid... Hey, I still have both hands functional, I can patch myself up. Maybe he should stop seeing me as someone weak and in need of protection instead? Stop looking at my posterior and start seeing that he was, actually, on my ship? Huh. And also... Yeah, I'll put it straight...
See, telling me that 'tie you to the bed' line was... Intolerable. Intolerable at best. This ship, Marshmallow... It is 'my' place. A place that I built around myself. To be safe. To be in control of my own life... At last. To..regain that control. To regain myself and remain myself. Even if I'm a mess..like now. I won't leave it. I won't give it up to..someone else. No matter friend or not... Actually, a person I can call 'my friend' will understand the meaning. And the meaning of meaning... Will understand me. What's happening..within me, why I'm..acting and thinking like this. And I will defend this place, this ship, while I still can, even with nails and teeth if needed. Maybe it's the primary reason of my..strong attachment to Marshmallow. I need that kind of place. To keep living. And..most people like me need those places for themselves as well. And it's... Just maybe the worst thing you can do..to me, to many people like me. Do something to compromise, to jeopardise... Not just the safety as a fact. Even the feelings, the thoughts about having that safety. It is completely intolerable, almost unforgivable. Even if I will want to forgive him..one day... I may be unable to do it completely..without a help. I mean..professional help. By saying those words, he just put a big glowing red sign..like... 'possible danger' on his forehead.
I was..shattered. A part of me was blaming myself for helping him with his trinkets, as it left me wounded, floating in my own blood, locked up in a cabin of my own ship, with that man in the cockpit. Another part of me just..wanted to shot him in the face. Point blank. And throw the body out of the airlock. Third part was faintly telling that he really wanted to help, genuinely..but he's a plain dimheaded casanova, he doesn't know who I am. And one more part was yelling, like..why I let a person like this on my ship then? When I was vulnerable? Why I let the guard down? Argh... And, above all these..parts of me, was another red glowing sign. 'Survive'. Do anything to survive, to go through that.
So..his idea about ejecting on an escape pod and letting me go was fine. No, I was able to..calm down and realise that we're in a damn armpit of the Galaxy. Ejecting on a pod here will be a death sentence..worse than being shot in the face. But. It was a smart trick..About severity of my wounds. They're awful, yeah..but not critical. I can..fly to the station, land and call a medical team... Only... Have to do it fast. Painkillers..won't last forever. That..emergency mix in the combat suit is too dangerous to..use more than once a day. And those usual meds can't..block out everything. It's..returning, like, throbbing all over my body, a mix of..dull and deep pain and... Something more sharp and piercing. And that burn..is itching.
Those talks are.. Really leaving me without having enough air to speak without.. Those pauses..
Ow.. I'm really messed up. But I'll be okay, had seen worse... And that 'escape pod' idea was genuinely awesome.
Okay, so...escape pod... It's a good idea, actually... The pod is the single thing on the ship..that have any indication about..people inside. There's no cameras around me... But the pod has that 'occupied/unoccupied' status. So..I'm not going to launch the pod. I promise. I'll just..make my way to..the cockpit and take..the controls. Without Creamy on my way and without..his reluctance to see..me moving and resisting. And his wish to make things..go his own way. As soon as..I reach the pilot seat..I'll let him out. And tell him that he can take the co-pilot seat... And buckle up. So I'll be sure that he won't..leave it without making any sound. Then we reach the closest Independent station... And I'll let him out. To never see..him and his..manipulations again.
Yeah, yeah, he told me that I'm selfish... Shit. Selfish or not, but I'm still alive. He may not be a predator, but if he acts like one... The sly and tricky one, actually, and it's the..worst type. So, he should be..treated as one. Until he proves I'm..wrong. Even if he thinks, and says, that I'm the one..who should apologise. Okay. I will. I will do it gladly. I will gladly admit that..I was wrong. But only with a..distance between us. And without those..fff...wounds all over my body. I will. I will apologise. Sincerely. Even if he won't believe me anymore. Let these be the last words that I will say to him. But they will be honest. And..I don't care what may happen next.
What?!..
Crap! Pod release signal.