Kasumi's Personal Log #2
08 Jan 2024Kasumi Goto
[Untitled] Public log entryFrom Kasumi(still not Kira) Goto
December 24, 3309
Uploaded from: Rescue Ship Cavell, Koleti system
[Transmission screened for hazardous code - none found]
I have searched a lot... the last few days. Maybe it was a week. When I could. The voices are too loud... sometimes. And I can only lie until it becomes quieter.
Sometimes it never gets quiet. Then I fall asleep. And see... things. 'Nightmares'. I don't like them. They make me feel... bad. A doctor said they are... natural, my brain 'working through bad things that have happened'. But they don't help. They only make me feel more... tired. And I can't sleep again after seeing them. I don't want to go back to those images.
Once, I saw... strange things. 'Ships' that looked like... flowers. With an eye in the middle. One of the... people, working, here... she told me they are called "Thargoids". And that we are at war with them. That they are whose 'voices' I hear, as the... noise, in my head.
I can hear them, because... I nearly died. Or I am told... I don't remember. How... when, why. Those memories are... gone. Or barely there. I cannot find them. She said I was at a 'battle' against the Thargoids. Fighting... against them. That they took me, and... changed me, when a 'weapon' that was supposed to win it failed. Now I hear them, and... would die. Without this. The 'implant'. It is... on my head. At the back. I think. But covered, by hair. Nobody can see... if it can be. I don't know. I don't want to know. I don't want to listen to them, but it can't be turned off.
She also said, we are... still, fighting them. At war. That they are "here"... wherever 'here' is... they call it "the Bubble". I asked if we tried to talk. She said we haven't. And that we... can't, now. We don't know how. And that they... maybe don't want to talk.
I want to ask what I could do. And there are those... people. On the "Titans". I have looked... what they have done. In the "Bubble". Stealing, killing people. Destroying what we have built. I don't understand why it has to be like this. Why I was taken... changed. I... hear the doctors talk. About how I... look human. But am not... inside. I want to know if those people... taken, are like me.
There are logs, too. I have not... read many. It is... still difficult, to... focus. Think, sometimes, too. Even when there are no voices. They say the implant should help me think, but sometimes... doesn't.
I found... things. In those logs. More things. About... me. In the last... year. And a few months. To... 'September' in '3308'. It says... I returned. Then. I... think. I cannot remember.
They say I was active on the 'network' of an 'Anti-Club Accord' when... I don't know what I was doing when I... 'joined'. And it was not even 'me', but a 'different', false name. I deleted it. I found many false names. I deleted them all. Except... "Kira". Everything says I am Kira, but I don't know it. I remember 'Kasumi'. It... annoys me. But I... have not deleted "Kira". I don't understand why. It doesn't want me to.
I can find... only... records. Of activity. The logs from 'October' to 'November' of... this, year, are... not there, except one. I don't know what a 'Club' is, or why to fight it. I could ask. But I don't want to. I don't know what the place is. Maybe they will read it. But will I answer if one of them... wants to talk? If they are allowed. Not many people are allowed to talk, to... me.
I was there to fight an 'Azimuth', the only log left says... they don't sound nice. Trying to kill Thargoids. Experimenting... with, people. I should ask about it, too. Or 'bring it up'. I was told to... if something 'bothers' me. Or I want to know... things. There are logs from '3308' and this year, too, about a "Seo"... I don't know who it is. The name is complicated. I keep... forgetting. It. I will ask about... her, too. The logs refer to the person as a 'her'.
I don't know what else to write. Maybe I will stop here. I don't know if people... read, these. Or if it convinces them I am 'safe', as Alba wanted.
End of text log.