FOURTEEN BEERS AT CHILI’S
(The Continued Adventures of Michael McGarrey)
Sometime in the not-to-distant past Michael McGarrey…..a.k.a. “The drunk Irishman”, was on a special assignment in Chile during his black ops tangles of yesteryear. The Irishman was to pull surveillance on a little pub called “Chili’s” in the town of Puchuncavi in the Valparaiso Region of Chile. Unbeknownst to the Irishman he was under high surveillance himself.
McGarrey walked into the pub and took a seat at the corner bar stool as to have a clear view of the room. McGarrey, always the astute detective, didn’t want to seem out of place and thus ordered 2 shots of vodka followed by 1 beer. After a little time passed The Irishman kept drinking and the bar kept clearing out being replaced by several dark-hooded persons. Around an hour later McGarrey got to beer fourteen (each beer was preceded by two shots of vodka……..do the math).
By this time the Irishman was wobbling on his bar stool like a toy hula dancer on a dashboard. He hadn’t noticed that he had suddenly been surrounded by no less than seven full masked ninjas (yes Ninjas…..in Chile….just go with it). The Irishman, seeing he was stupidly outnumbered, dared not reach for his gun, but instead tried to mentally disarm the ninjas with a funny antidote………it was to no avail……….before the Irishman knew it he was on his back with no less than fourteen Chinese stars in his body………The Irishman got up to try and defend himself by pulling his gun but was bombarded by a hail of blow-darts that hit him 29 times while another ninja melted his gun with his laser eyes. The Irishman, bleeding and knowing something must be done quickly (as best as a drunken Irishman can) grabbed two empty beer bottles, broke them and threw them like throwing knives and speared two ninjas in the face! As the ninjas fell to their demoness deaths……..the other ninjas were temporarily distracted and the Irishman was able to slide into a corner.
As he lay there with no time on his side, he quickly pulled a dead ninja to him, fastened a make-shift transfusion hose from the near-by bar and conducted a “Tri-manico-dio-fibliation” (black opts transfusion method). It gave the Irishman enough spunk to dive behind the bar where he found a lead pipe. He sprang up and smashed another ninja in the face and quickly (as a drunk Irishman can) stumbled outside the bar.
Outside the street was disearted and the Irishman was now surrounded by 4 Ninjas. Still bleeding badly he was out of fight…………The ninjas for whatever reason turned into dragons and flew away (this is McGarrey’s recollection). A local woman named “Florencia”, took McGarrey to her room and spoon fed him for 3 weeks until he had enough strength to return to his unit. When he left her Casa he looked at her with glaring eyes and stated “Don’t forget Monet.” She cried as he limped away and shouted “Por Favor, no dejen a mi borracho idiota irlandes!!!”
To be continued…….