Logbook entry

Malfire Bree / 13 Jan 3305
FOURTH ENTRY [January 12, 3305]


Mah location's in Ohm City, LHS 20, and it's fuck-all hours 'cause Ah don't really care at the moment.

Ah'm tired, Sam, but Ah feel that excited buzzin' under mah skin--all restless fingers and bouncin' legs, Ah've been the past few days. Ah've got a good reason, though! Ah swear!

A couple days ago, Ah bought an Asp Explorer. Remember, Sam, how it looked all clunky and thick in the books? It's nothin' compared ta how it really is, starin' at it in the shipyard. It's huge--a good size bigger than Pastel, with a longer jump range. But, Sam, listen--it's beautiful. The cockpit, the window--it's so much more open than we thought. Nothin' but transparency unless Ah look at the door behind me. Gazin' down at mah feet, there's nothin' but stars. It's such a silly thing ta get excited over, but considerin' that ya'll were always worse than me, fast talk an' all, Ah'm not likely ta give a shit. [a laugh]

Ah spent more credits than Ah felt comfortable with, gettin' it up to speed--gettin' him up to speed. Been tryin' ta name 'im. [a yawn] Nothin' Ah pick seems ta suit 'im, Sam. An', no, Ah ain't gonna name 'im somethin' ridiculous like--like--oh, Ah don't know, Sparks or somethin'. Although Ah still remember the USS Zoom idea from before, but he certainly doesn't suit the name; not fast enough. Maybe if Ah--well, maybe if Ah ever thought of havin' a ship that fights...


We both know that's pretty much a not-happenin'; ya'll were the fighter, Sam. Ya liked the combat sims more than Ah ever really did--But Ah got through 'em, tho, yeah? Ah passed, so stop laughin'. We'd always said that if it came ta that, that you'd take the stick, but Ah remember ya givin' me that look, Sam. Don't think that Ah didn't, ya nut--ya'll were plannin' on gettin' me comfortable with it somehow; somehow forcin' the issue and pushin' an' pokin' at boundaries until Ah gave in and--


Ya ain't here ta do it, an' shootin' someone down--even someone who might deserve it, who's a danger--is somethin' that scares me. Ah understand it, but we both know that back then, Ah just incapacitated, just defended mahself, not...

There's such a high chance of shootin' a ship ta bits, Sam. Even the smallest of weapons could do so much damage if careless. Ah would never want ta take that chance if Ah could help it. Just thinkin' about it makes me nauseous. It's somethin' that Ah wouldn't want ta start, but...

But Ah know ya would've thrived in it, Sam.  That was obvious when we met. [a laugh] Ya always said how stupid it was that Ah could take someone down with mah fists, but get me holdin' a gun or behind a ship's weapons systems and Ah just. Can't. Fists are more personal, ya said, if ya'll were gonna be squicky 'bout somethin', Ah thought it'd be 'bout that.

Ah still think 'bout it, too, Sam. An' Ah think that's why it's easier for me ta fight with fists than ships, lasers, and turrets. Because it's personal. Ah can see them, not the ship, not the weapon. It's...easier ta see people over fists than down the sights or through the hull of a ship. That's...me.


Ah don't know what Ah was talkin' about anymore.
The AspX, right.
Ah had a reason for buyin' 'im--Ah needed some way ta get further into the Deep than before--without sacrificin' safety, ya know? Ah needed a larger jump range for it.
See...Ah need ta get Meta-Alloys.

Ah keep hearin' from people ta upgrade--ta Engineer--mah FSD, mah thrusters, mah shields, etc...but Ah looked it up. A single Alloy is so expensive, Sam. An' that's if there even is one in that single place--on Darnielle's Prospect, accordin' ta the tales Ah've heard. It's over 130 jumps--economically savin' fuel, by the way--and neither Pastel nor Alacrity could get there. It's beyond the plottin' point their systems could figure out.

So, the AspX.
If Ah can get the Meta-Alloys, then Ah can finally be allowed ta properly talk with the only engineer willin' ta give me the time: Felicity Farseer. An', maybe Ah'll even be able to really search inta the Guardian tech Ah've been hearin' about--supposedly, that sorta tech uses a lot of said Alloys?
The only thin' really, really makin' me nervous...


Look, Ah know that it's a low chance that Ah could be--Ah don't know--somethin'd by the things. But Ah've never seen one beyond the Galnet reports or sketches or secondhand accounts. But supposedly some of the places ta mine or whatever for these things are in that territory. Ah've got a list, a lot of stubbornness, a new playlist, an' a new ship, an'--

Honestly, Sam?

Ah've seen a few pictures, and this'll be the furthest out Ah've been so far. Yeah, Ah know--Ah've been borin' an' stayin' safe. We always talked about explorin', goin' out inta the stars. When Ah took that picture, that promise hit me hard. Ya'll be so disappointed. An'...Ah wanna go. Ah really, really wanna go and see it all. Supposed ta be pretty amazin', an' Ah'm so fuckin' curious.

Just...wish me luck on not crashin' the SRV...hopefully Ah won't be tempted ta pull a you an' launch mahself inta the air or over a cliff...although if it's a low gravity planet...

Well, ya always told me ta find mah fun somewhere. [a laugh]


It's just a little longer until Imbolc. The bell ya got me when were we kids is wrapped up safe in mah pack.
Still missin' ya, Sam.

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CMDR's logbook

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