*muffled speech, followed by tapping noises*
ME: "Test...test...test...testing-testing...one-two-thr--oh what am I doing? This is so silly."
*sigh, followed by weary laughter*
ME: "I picked up one of these old voice recorders from a hole-in-the-wall bargain store and heard about the idea of keeping a personal record of information in case you bit the bullet. I don't think I'm going to bite the bullet, but I thought "Hell, why not? It will at least give me something to do other than...sleeping, shooting down anyone that has a bounty, stuffing my face with junk food... and watching racy videos on my tablet when I get lonely..."
ME: "I should probably figure out how to delete a recording on this thing soon...I don't even know if this thing is even recording what I'm saying. This thing looks like it should be in a museum...it was cheap though, so I can at least use this until I pop down the shops during my next visit to the authorities and draining their bank accounts with stacks and stacks of collected bounty chits to turn in. Who knows? Maybe I'll become a sentimental bastard and keep this old thing around...y'never know, could happen."
*electronic beeps, followed by a small whirr of a projector screen*
???: "Commander Ilonus, you are required on the bridge."
ME: "LANA? Do I have to, like, right now? I'm busy with...things."
LANA: "Yes, it's urgent... Don't worry, Commander, I'll be sure to clear your browser history for you. I won't look, I promise."
ME: "Okay, okay, I'm coming...heywaitaminute -- THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID I WAS 'BUSY'!"
*LANA giggling, cut off followed by a slam and the projector shutting off*
ME: "Ugh...That piece of work, in case anyone is bothering to know, is LANA, I think that stands for "Logistical Analysis and Neurological Assistant" or something to that effect, I don't remember. She's the Spirit's COVAS, and she is...unique, to say the least. Picked her up a long while ago during one of my first...outings. She can somehow...interface with my brain. I guess that's where the 'neurological assistant' part comes from. I learned that the hard way when she tried to make me...yeah, let's not go there."
LANA: "Oh come on, I was curious. Don't blame me for wanting to get to know you better!"
ME: "Well, people get to know each other by talking, not by--"
*crashing noise, followed by garbled shouting and girlish laughter*