Well holy shit space fans – Happy Ancient Italian Flying Baby Day! (!!..) Haven’t posted a broadcast for a hot minute due to [expletive amplified +n expletive x 10] the cosmos hates me when I’m drinking!!!
So there we were….
Roughly 3kly outside of waypoint #10, barely into 3306 – it was the 17th day of January the year of our Spaghetti Monster 3,306 we [expletive that starts with “f” conjugating with rhymes with “fucking”] exploded. I was sleeping (off a rum hangover). The chief had the stick. Huber was planning her termination by being a fucking horrific ass clown a.k.a. soulless douchenozzle fucktard that may or may not have loyalty to a decades old cabal that doesn’t want to be found. Shocker. If you must know, killed the distributor in real space, while those of us with souls initiated a repair of the FSD (the Chief and Me - even though by "me"I mean by proxy because...you know...sleeping off a drunk), and locked the restart with encryption. Suffocation for the quick teleport to Jacques. ..!..
Long story short – yeah could go long, but I don’t want to have the Disney MegaCorp shut down my transceiver for too many expletives redacted #sorrynotsorry ..!..
By terminated I mean “terminated.” I have no patience for dumb shit and treachery so I shot her. Twice, you know to be sure, then pumped the soulless husk out an airlock. Thanks Smith & Bang. You never let me down. You know how hard it is to house 3 people in an Asp Explorer like you mean to long term? It took some effort. Yep, switched the very expensive Cutter out for an AspX as the range is significantly longer and lesser rebuy (lol?). The Chief I can trust. Even if she’s not loyal to me, she has a genetic vested interest in success. Worst thing in the Gal is a liar or a thief. Murder I understand (as should you in this case #winkyface), but lying to shipmates is the worst. Lying to this level of douchery takes the cake and by cake I mean two energy pulses to vital bits and a pressurized date with the outer door of an airlock – because FUCK YOU!
See? Probably going to get shut down by Disney anyway, but if you’re reading this undead Michael Eisner gets it.
I’m angry as you might guess. After a month of Sundays, as I share this, I’m still pissed.
We lost shares of over 350M (estimated) credits of exploration data. Would of put us almost in the black, but now our investors are motivated to cock punch us – should they be tracking daily updates which they can’t because I’m not posting any (other than here and not nearly daily). Fuck them. Thanks for the capital assholes LMAO.
No but seriously there’s a non-zero chance for significant profit still – we’re not even halfway through the expedition and I promise not to explode again #fingerscrossed. Hence my authoring this versus flying towards the waypoint, because yeah I’m aggressively drunk. Thanks Jacques. I’ve wept enough into your still to get drunk (twice it seems). BTW for those keeping track, yeah I get it, stop flying when you’ve been drinking. There’s a 100% chance it ain’t going to end well. Fact. And by 100% of the time I mean, 100% of the time I’ve exploded and been 3D printed elsewhere I’ve been drunk, not 100% of being drunk have I ended with a 3D printing. It’s more like 16.572044178% - just saying. Also, while I was drunk this time, I was sleeping and not at the wheel so again....16.572044178% just sayin'.
Needless to say, the Chief and I are running under the assumption that we’ve found the refugees’ location between Colonia and WP #6, or at least a previously visited ELW with enough evidence to lead us forward in our investigation. For the slow: we found the colony, but didn't realize it due to active stealth or other reasons OR we found some shit that leads on to something else - you know a fucking clue. However, we’re too far out to back track and the data pod at Beagle is getting real old. We’ve sent off our latest situation report to Gates. Reckon there’s enough time between where we are and there for an updated intelligence report.
I’ll give him credit, he’s still helping. Clearly the fanaticism is extreme and the network is not insignificant, yet he still is providing intel. Though, our experience with a new layer of detail has me concerned with the veracity of the info provided. The Chief is with me here. We’ll play along with skeptical optimism.
I’ll let you know the next time we die (or perhaps sooner).
See you in the black both literally and metaphorically it seems.
Flemish Jack - OUT