9.15.2330 1st Officer's Logs
14 Sep 2023Peristrophe "Peri" Chin-Riley
Downtime has historically been hard for me. I always felt like I was failing, falling behind any time I wasn't being productive. I am finding it easier to fill the space these days though. Getting out and seeing the mountains or finding a new running route through the MAST district somehow have managed to feel both productive and calming. I had an appointment with the doctor today. He brought up my hyper-empathia , told me a treatment had finished human trials. He asked me if I wanted to be added to the waiting list and I just froze. I cant remember a time in my life I wouldn't have begged to be on that list. To be able to keep my calm, my focus. To not cry so easily or shake with anger. But today I said, I'd think about it. So I am. Hyper-empathia, a detrimental, inhibiting, or debilitating psychological disorder in which subjects experience intense social emotional transmission. Subjects often report an inability to focus and maintain emotional regulation, often manifesting in extreme alienation from peers. Under different conditions, Hyper-empathia manifests as heightened social ability, though in such cases it is rare for a subject to seek out therapeutic treatment. Treatment typically entails cognitive behavioral therapy and meditation. Pharmaceutical treatments are currently undergoing extended clinical trials and are pending approval by UCCH. - DSM: 56-2 UC Diagnostic Standards and Methods.
Maybe things are different now. Maybe I'm different. I still feel all that noise in a crowded room, like I'm being pulled in too many different directions. There's something different though when I'm aboard the Atalanta. All those emotions, they aren't coming from strangers anymore. They are coming from people I trust, who trust me. Sarah, Lin, Andromeda, Andreja, all of them have put their lives on the line for me. And for the first time those ocean currents of emotion point me in one direction. So for now, I think I will keep my name off of that waiting list.