Captain's Log: 1:00
13 Nov 2023SAO
I never thought I would hate the day I entered the Lodge. It was once my place of happiness, a place for me to be myself and to breathe freely. It was my home. My first ever home...But now, I hate it. I hate pushing through those doors with gritted teeth and fear of what waits for me. I know it'll never be my universe, the one where I was married to her, with a family who loved me, an honorable career. I left that behind, and now I have nothing. I enter the Lodge and nobody knows who I am or they instantly mistrust me, or they've all been gunned down. I hate it, I hate the loneliness.
All of this pain I've endured, the loneliness. All my life I've had nothing, I grew up on the streets of Neon, a petty thief, a brute, with no clue of where I came from. A street rat orphan with not a single credit to her name...
And then I had everything...and I abandoned it for what? The unity? A neverending hell of looping in and out of lives that aren't my own...
I'm starting to understand the Hunter and his rage towards everyone and everything. I'm on my...i don't even know how many times I've passed through the unity now. But I'm coming to the end of my line. The hope I had of finding my old universe is fading each passing day. Heh, hope. A dangerous thing to lose but also a dangerous thing to have.
-----
They're calling me in for an update. They want to know of any progress, and Sarah...Sarah is worried as I haven't checked in. I wish she didn't worry, because it tells me she cares, and if she cares, it makes me think of My Sarah. The one I lost.
I don't want to go back.