Elite roleplay: Q&A and OOC

User311489
18 Jan 2021, 11:51pm
Max “Thor” ThoresonThe “personal protector” ...”workhorse” line is what I will be aiming towards. Imagine if Core Dynamics made a line of heavy four legged working “Drones” that an enterprising commander, with a lifetime of experience working on automated turreted weapons, used to create a “heavy metal” personal protector...


Just as long as it will it fit through the door into the Bar?
Max Thoreson
19 Jan 2021, 1:38am
I think it could...it can squat down and move up stairs at least...https://vimeo.com/187878319

Last edit: 19 Jan 2021, 1:50am
Damiyen Aldon
20 Jan 2021, 5:29am
Can I mention that RJ might be delusional. He is gonna take on an anaconda, carrying enough fuel to basically vaporize the entire station, and its engineered- did i mention its an Anaconda that has meta-alloy armor? I mean my post did detail that- but I dont think he actually read them before he types...
JB Threepwood
20 Jan 2021, 7:14am
If his ship opens fire within a station he's going to have bigger problems than getting through your shields.

(You may want to message him if you feel it's getting out of hand?)

Last edit: 20 Jan 2021, 7:28am
Damiyen Aldon
20 Jan 2021, 2:00pm
I did, I mean he apparently has a security guard on his side
Kay-Lee
20 Jan 2021, 2:06pm
JB ThreepwoodIf his ship opens fire within a station he's going to have bigger problems than getting through your shields.

(You may want to message him if you feel it's getting out of hand?)


HAHAHAHAHA i can imagen... i got melted once by a stations securaty
Max Thoreson
21 Jan 2021, 12:01am
Finally got started on my Logbooks

If you have any thoughts please share...
Ouberos
21 Jan 2021, 6:41am
Max “Thor” ThoresonFinally got started on my Logbooks

If you have any thoughts please share...


It was intriguing, I liked it.

The only criticism I would raise is the use of Suddenly to introduce something. It can be quite jarring to read and there are several suddenly within the text.

You can delete a couple and not even have to add any description. So "Suddenly moving from my left in slow motion" becomes "Moving from my left in slow motion,"

You are still describing what you are seeing but the reader fills in the pace themselves rather than you giving them a time stamp to the event that they need to follow. If you wanted to go further down a rabbit hole you could look up the pros and cons of using adverbs in writing fiction.

I'm guilty of overusing the same word quite often too, its an easy thing to do.

Overall though, please continue I should like to know more.
Akiya
21 Jan 2021, 8:35am
It's an attention-grabbing introduction. Subscribed to see where this is going.

I'm guilty of overusing the same word quite often too, its an easy thing to do.

Preach!
Max Thoreson
21 Jan 2021, 12:50pm
Thanks for the positive criticism. Re-reading it I see exactly what you meant and made a correction. This is my first attempt at this role play thing and I appreciate any and all input.

Last edit: 21 Jan 2021, 12:59pm
0009
21 Jan 2021, 1:03pm
Roleplay: OOC... genius

You guys and gals wouldn't know where to get sulphur, eh?

Last edit: 21 Jan 2021, 1:09pm
JB Threepwood
21 Jan 2021, 1:35pm
Max “Thor” ThoresonFinally got started on my Logbooks

If you have any thoughts please share...


I liked it. Nice start to the story and I like the way it's presented (sentence spacing, size of the story).

Gave it a "Shiny" and I look forward to more.
Max Thoreson
21 Jan 2021, 3:40pm
Thank you JB. I enjoy your reading your storylines. It will help with my motivation if folks enjoy reading what I post...
JB Threepwood
21 Jan 2021, 4:30pm
Max “Thor” ThoresonThank you JB. I enjoy your reading your storylines. It will help with my motivation if folks enjoy reading what I post...


Thanks, mate.

Try not to let it affect your motivation if you go for short spells without receiving any feedback, it doesn't mean people aren't reading and enjoying your work.
JB Threepwood
22 Jan 2021, 7:18pm
Nice shooting, Commander Edge.

Somewhere, in a distant system, there's a planet that's a little quieter...
Upon which there's a city that's a little calmer...
Where you'll find a street that's a little sadder...
Within which is a little gym that's a little emptier...
There you'll find a couple of guys checking out each other's abs and getting mixed up about generations...
Who are laying some flowers next to the locker of that guy that they loved but they slagged off too.

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