DATE: APRIL 27, 3291
SUBJECT: MR. KAO VERKOV TCHAIKOVSKY
INTERVIEW - PILOT'S FEDERATION EVALUATION
???: So, Mr. Kao, do you know why you're here?
KAO: Of course, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered with this whole signup process.
???: Well, then let me introduce myself. My name is Nathan and I will be conducting this interview on behalf of the Pilot's Federation.
KAO: Yes yes, introductions are all good and fun, now can we get on with it? I'm pretty sure I get a free ship for doing this, right?
NATHAN: In good time, Mr. Kao, but we have a couple of questions we need answered before we let you go.
KAO: Fine. Just ask away. Not like I have much left to hide anyways.
NATHAN: Can you tell me when you applied for the Pilot's Federation training program?
KAO: Oh piss off, don't waste my time. You have my file right there, look at the date yourself!
NATHAN: Mr. Kao, we don't want any hostilities, just answer the question.
KAO: Ugh, fine. 3289. There, you happy now?
NATHAN: Could you be a bit more specific?
KAO: SEPTEMBER 18TH, 3289. YOU (EXPLETIVE) GOOD NOW!?
NATHAN: Sir, calm yourself, or this interview will be cancelled and you will be ejected from the program.
KAO: Fine. Go.
NATHAN:Could you tell us a bit more about your home life?
KAO: My family was lucky enough to snag a permanent residence spot on an Orbis station. One of the outer rings. Newholm was, well, my home. My actual home, however, was a mess. My father wasn't exactly the best. Mother didn't help either, agreed with everything my father said. Sister and I left that awful place as soon as we could on a Beluga heading to the bubble. That's all you're getting out of me.
NATHAN: That's ok. Any particular reason why you want to become a pilot?
KAO: For the same reason everyone else gets a job at some point: to make money. Why else? I just want to be free to choose what job I have at a moment's notice. I believe that freedom isn't a illusion, despite what all the popular philosophers say. Otherwise, how could we keep going on, knowing that everything is chosen for us?
NATHAN: Alright, I see. I'm going to delve a bit deeper into that last part, and I hope you don't mind me asking what your stance on life is?
KAO: Huh, not something I get asked all the time. Alright, I'll indulge you. The fact of life that you and everyone else in the universe needs to understand is that you should never trust anyone. Ever. There is no allegiance but to yourself. See this scar? Yeah, I got that by trusting someone I cared about a lot. Needless to say, they're not around anymore, and I can't see out of my right eye. That's what I get for putting my faith into someone. Worst mistake I've ever done.
NATHAN: It says here that on your medical exam you had 20/20 vision.
KAO: Yeah, I bent the truth a little. No allegiance but to yourself, remember? I can see just fine out of my left eye.
NATHAN: Uh-huh. Anything else that you "bent the truth" about on your medical exam?
KAO: Nothing, unless you include "being amazing at Holo-Tetris" as a mental disorder.
NATHAN: Hardly. Anyways, as you know, the Pilot's Federation is fiercely neutral. We would like to know how you see the current factions in your own eyes.
KAO: No. Not happening. That's something you can live without.
NATHAN: Could you just tell us a bit? It doesn't have to be much.
KAO: The Empire is a bunch of double-talking enslaving bastards, and the Alliance is a bunch of hippies. I have nothing more to say.
NATHAN: You don't see the Federation in a negative light? Or you can't make up a clever and witty insult to them?
KAO: No comment.
NATHAN: Any reason as to why you're so reluctant to speak about galactic politics?
SYSTEM: 4 MINUTE SILENT GAP DETECTED - OMITTING FROM FINAL RECORDING.
NATHAN: Okay, I see that this is something you're a bit sensitive on. Moving on, is there anything you would like to say before we conclude this evaluation?
KAO: Yes, actually. Has the Latvian Brandy been finally restocked at the bar?
NATHAN: Erm... I believe so, however the evaluation hasn't--
KAO: In that case, I'm off. Send me the results to my datalink. I've got a date and her name is blissful intoxication.
SYSTEM: EXCESSIVE NOISE DETECTED - OMITTING FROM FINAL RECORDING.
NATHAN: Ahem... Well, in that case. This is Nathan Reland concluding the evaluation for Mr. Kao Verkov Tchaikovsky. Taking everything I've heard here into account, I believe it would be in the best interest of the Pilot's Federation to deny Mr. Tchaikovsky's license. He is clearly an unstable individual, and does not seem to be suited for the rigorous lifestyle of piloting a spacecraft. I will, however, state for the record that the final decision shall be left up to the council. Signing off.
END OF FILE
ATTACHMENT: PILOT'S FEDERATION EVALUATION VERDICT - MR. KAO VERKOV TCHAIKOVSKY
DATE: MAY 2, 3291
AFTER MUCH DELIBERATION, THE PILOT'S FEDERATION COUNCIL HAS CONCLUDED THAT, WITH THE EVIDENCE PROVIDED AND THE TESTIMONY OF NATHAN RELAND, THAT MR. KAO VERKOV TCHAIKOVSKY WILL NOT BE RECEIVING HIS PILOT'S LICENCE.
LICENCE STATUS:
APPENDUM: CLAUSE 34J, SECTION 5, CHAPTER 9 WAS INVOKED DURING AN UNSCHEDULED APPEAL.
FINAL LICENCE STATUS: APPROVED
NOTE: You owe me big time for this, don't disappoint me. - N.