Restoration
29 Jan 2019Rho Tefnutet
I cannot really think what should I write, so I can only think about it while reading this log. A short... teraphy of sorts. Or at least I think so. The revelation that I've been working for Patreus pretty much annoyed Ingrid and Er. To the point I basically almost got screwed over. But in all honesty, they really deserved truth and honesty. I couldn't hide it anymore, especially after that flop with Nova Imperium. True, I've been selling a lot of info into Patreus' hands and I am likely responsible for many deaths from Reightler Dock. Oh, who am I lying to? I am responsible as fuck and I cannot just deny it. If only people on Reightler knew how much wrong I brought to them...
After a period of being under home arrest, Ingrid decided pull out a nail to my already weakened state - and to make a damn point and put end to my recent behaviour. She had shown enough family letters she wrote with condolences to families that lost their lives to various agents or pirates indirectly funded by Patreus to soften Li Yong-Rui's influence. Ingrid must've realized that I have so much regret and guilt she likely spared me anything else after showing the footage of the familes of the deceased I had indirectly sentenced to death. All that... because I just moled for Patreus.
I don't know if Ingrid will ever forgive me. I could see that in her eyes and the twitch that was a ceased grab for a sidearm and just to end everything. I knew she had that urge... and I can't blame her. She spared me however, yet I cannot really say why. True, she's closest thing to friend I have. And likely the only person I can even trust right now. Save for Er.
Ah yes, Er Liao... The small ratty mechanic didn't accept my wrongful role either. He had no intention to kill me or something. not even a disappointment - like Ingrid surfaced. But Er? I don't know what that thing was supposed to be. Thoiugh don't remember much from it either, it just happened and we haven't spoke about it afterwards. So I think we are even.
I need time to think, since I still don't think clearly. I need to repay the horrendous ill-doings I managed to do. As well as to repay the debt of mercy Ingrid imposed onto me. But I can say from her behaviour that if I screw up again...
...
Yeah, better not to even think about such an option.