Thargoid Test #27
17 Oct 2020Last Assassin
Another failure, or rather another five, if one were to count each of the latest test group individually. Either way the result was conclusive, the latest attempts to incorporate Thargoid biological material into the mixture were still lethal enough that all test subjects died within 1-3 hours. If a solution wasn't found, his prospects were in jeopardy. The only bit of good news was that the latest Thargoid incursion provided ample opportunity to collect the required ingredients for the project.Being a representative of the most illustrious and popular organization in his part of space wasn't all it was cracked up to be, so many responsibilities to look after and things to get done properly or risk the boss coming for your head that it almost wasn't worth the pay and the perks, though he had come to love that catering. However, that meant getting your hands dirty from time to time and he wasn't about to leave a job as important as getting more Thargoid materials to some contractor. So, as his ship was put through a quick refit to enable salvage operations, he stopped at the bar and picked up a few bottles to pass the time with, as was his habit when making lonely jumps through empty space back when his love of exploring was stronger.
It was many hours later that his mind drifted back to the Project as he sipped a glass of rhum and began calculating the last couple FSD jumps to the destination system. They had been scaling back the level of Thargoid material included after each failure, from the inevitable full 'flesh' implementation, to the most recent failure where it was employed as a topical additive. The key to the whole problem was the caustic enzymes they used, while there were ways to lessen or even neutralize the effect when it was applied to ship hulls it was almost impossible to do so on a biological level with individual humans, at least not at the current saturation. And every failure not only wasted valuable biological material, but also reduced the amount they would eventually have to use for the finished product.. if they ever found one. It was enough to make him grind his teeth and down the rest of his glass, the taste of Silver Sea Special Reserve burned its way across his tongue and throat, but all he could think of was how he wished he could just grind the damn Thargoids up into a paste and...
That was it!
Thargoid Sauce! The Thargoid Patty, as well as attempts to make some sort of grilled onion substitute, and other solid toppings, had killed everyone who ate them. But if the Thargoid 'flesh' was ground into a paste, most of the caustic enzymes could be extracted, while the remaining mixture could have a neutralizing compound added to it, making it safe for consumption! Perhaps mayonnaise would do it? Unfortunately he didn't have any longer to think about burger toppings as his ship was suddenly rocked by weapons fire. It wasn't the Thargoids though, as he at first expected, but some kooks shouting about being friends of the aliens and how his "xenophobia" was evil. If he was Xenophobic would he be out here!?
He sighed... The life of a Kumo Burger Executive was never dull...