Pink Slime and Taco Tectonicas
01 Jan 2024Iridium Nova
Nutritional Concentrate is truly a marvel of engineering. Sure, it's been around for a long time, but it's really a testament to Man's ingenuity that we were able to create a foodstuff that can perfectly balance almost any human diet, regardless of genetic, lifestyle, or body differences. Of course, it tastes like muddy sand with a garnish of peat moss, but who can deny the health benefits? Now, it's also true that most nutritionists will tell you that you probably shouldn't eat nutritional concentrate exclusively, and that you should occasionally eat real food so that your body doesn't become too accustomed to pink slime, aka nutritional concentrate. Apparently, people who don't have been known to vomit at the sight or smell of real food, which is a frequent problem in some areas where real food is outlawed for economical, ethical, or, far more often, political reasons. Don't get me wrong, I love all those cute little furry creatures and majestic trees as much as anyone, but humanity's been a predatory species for at least 150,000 years and that's not likely to change in a few thousand. So, when it comes to choosing between eating cheap, nutritious sandpaper and the far more expensive red meat of an Achenarian White Elk, at least I'm rich enough to afford the decadent choice. So why, sitting out here in the empty blackness of space, am I thinking about food? Well, I've been out here for over a year now and, while my stocks are still decently full, I've gone though most of the good stuff and soon I'm going to have to make some less affluent choices, or head back to the bubble for a restock on overpriced cuisine. Fortunately, my Dolphin has a full culinary suite on board, which can synthesize nutritional concentrate from a variety of non organic materials that are fairly easy to come by (mostly carbon), no matter where I go. But, well, that's not exactly an ideal solution. So that leaves me with the other alternative: fresh, locally sourced ingredients. Delicious? Sometimes. Of course, I wouldn't recommend anyone eat raw or even cooked biomaterial from unexplored, unknown worlds, but fortunately most ships these days have a robust food processor that can take any alien meat, plant fiber, or fungal mass and turn it into something safe for human consumption - with a number of caveats I won't get into here (read your explorers guide, people). Handy tip: use lasers for hunting. Yes, they'll do less damage, but they won't leave shrapnel or bullets in the meat and they won't contaminate the meat the way plasma does. Less work for the processor to do and less chance of waking up on the lavatory floor with scrubber bots crawling all over you. On that note, props to Saud Kruger's automated cleaning suite, these little guys can clean up anything I can throw at them. They even got that horrible odor out of the mag plating after the science experiment I did a few months ago on a plant that resembled slimy balls the color of candy. By the way, do not eat the balls! Good Lord, do not eat them. Not even processed. You will regret it. Just a word of warning in case any of you stumble across something that looks like candy out there.
On the subject of eating alien life forms, I had the fortune of coming across a planet full of Stratum Tectonicas. Turns out there's a reason they're so valuable. They can be processed into tiny chunks that make for an excellent taco filling. I got the idea from the fact that it just happened to be a Tuesday when I found them and decided to try them out for Taco Tuesday. Best culinary experiment I ever did. Not sure about the Osseus-based vegan cheese experiment though. Now I know why they're called pumice. Probably would have been better off using nutritional concentrate as a base instead. As far as the taco shells go, fortunately some of the more common varieties of tussock can be processed into a cornmeal that works well for the purpose. Look for the yellow or green varieties. Do not use green frutexa. Trust me on that. Of course, depending on where you are in the galaxy, you'll have plenty of unique options regarding life forms to experiment with, but I'm only listing the most common ones here. These are the ones that can be found on the more common planet types; small planets and moons with thin atmospheres. No matter where you are, you should be able to find at least a few of these within a jump or two, so they make a great source of wild food for when you have to rough it - or maybe you prefer getting your food that way, like our ancient ancestors did. I can respect that.
Just try to avoid getting dysentery.