Logbook entry

Stuck in the Middle (Ep. 4) "Old Wounds"



Continued from Ep.3.


Shit, Isabella! I don't know what to do!" 


Said Violet in a disheartened voice. The two where in Supercruise assist still in low orbit of the brown-red rocky world of Styx 3. The Red Dwarf star hung low on the planet's horizon as the ship started another orbital rotation. In other circumstances, this was a sight of beauty. But here Isabella floated a few inches off the deck of her Asp Scouts living quarter where a teenage girl was performing a removal surgery for the first time in her life. She had taken half of her suit off and was now bare skin besides her sportish styled bra that fit snugly around her chest.

Violet held blood-covered forceps in her hands taken from a medkit in the Asp Scouts living quarters. She anxiously waited for Isabella's reassuring consent before sticking the forceps back in her.

"It's alright. You've got this. Just remove the bullet. It shouldn't be too deep; the suit slowed it down. Stick the forceps in the wound and feel for the bullet. You'll know when you find it."

Violet slowly brought the forceps back towards her lower left backside and slipped them into the open wound. Isabella winced at the fiery pain that shot up her side. She gritted her teeth to compensate but to no avail. The medical kit was used before and she neglected to replace the damn thing. The only contents were some bandages, small scissors, and forceps. She was missing proper anti-microbial disinfectant and topical anesthetic gel to reduce pain. Just like her guns, she really wished she had what she needed to solve problem 101 right now. The only thing that could help was talking.

"So, Violet...tell me...ugh...tell me what…what happened. What did you see exactly?" 

A distraction was the best pain meds at the moment. Isabella could easily handle pain but this was a whole new level of it from her last experience of being shot. She heard childbirth was the worst but right now? This, absolutely, was the worst. Every inch moved inside her felt like a new knife wound being inflicted. It sucked. 

"Well...like I said. These military-looking men like we saw running after us earlier came into our settlement saying that they were taking the Manufacturing plant. They were guys from Styx Galactic Inc, I know because of their suits but also the...the team leader...his name is Tyrese. I've seen his face around in recruitment adverts. I don't know why exactly they were there but he was talking to my….my...."

Isabella glanced back at her and could see that dreaded look in her now teary eyes. The wounds of losing someone like a father were still raw and will be for a long while. She had first-hand experience. It still hurt.

"Your father."

Isabella finished for her with a gentle tone.

"He...he disagreed with their stupid demands. It was his facility! He's run it for years! He knew almost everyone who worked there and so did I. Gavin...he was the unofficial head security of the place. Old Fed soldier who served. Everyone followed and loved him because he was fun, witty, and knew what he was doing. He was professional. He...they...they wouldn't lay off their demands so guns were drawn and...someone shot from the security team. Hurt one of theirs and so Tyrese shot Gavin in the…"

Violet's hands now shook and it only caused more pain for Isabella. She gritted her teeth again but held her composure now regretting starting such a heavy discussion at this time.
"Violet, if you-"

She continued on, cutting Isabella short.

"My dad...he tried...he...they all started shooting. That bastard gave the order too. He gave the order to kill everyone and they just started shooting! I ran away because I was scared. I left my dad to die. I didn't even help."

Isabella gently shook her head. She knew Violet didn't believe that but grief makes you say and do silly things sometimes. Isabella, again, knew this from past experiences.

"No, Violet. You didn't. You ran because you were afraid and that's fine. Getting yourself in the middle of that wouldn't have been good for your health. Trust me."

Violet grimaced in response to her.

"It was my fault! I could've done something. Why can't I be like you? Fearless and so focused. If only I knew how to shoot a-"

"No." 

Isabella interjected before letting her finish another word. She knew what was going to come out of her mouth next.

"You end up just shot and having someone or some machine pulling a bullet out of you. It's not worth it. Look at my left arm. That horrible scar you see? That's what you get. It still hurts sometimes. And who said I was fearless? I get scared at times too. We all do, Violet. It makes you human. Picking up a gun doesn't make you not scared. It can actually make you more scared. Look...I'm terribly sorry about your father. I know what it can be like losing someone close."

Isabella watched as tears filled her eyes in the zero G. Violet, most likely blinded with welting tears, pulled the bullet out much to her surprise. She then whipped her face with her hands and vented like a heatsink performing a coolant purge but with words.

"No! No you don't! You don't know what it's like! It's not fair! My daddy was a good man. He was a good man and did nothing wrong! He didn't deserve that! They shot him in for nothing! I watched it happen!"

Isabella felt that deep heartened feeling again seeing the young girl break down. It was a pit in her gut she wanted to get out but held back on it. She couldn't. Not here. Isabella bit back her emotions and carefully spun to collect the blood-covered piece of distorted lead before bandaging her lower half with a large sterilized bandage wrap. 

"Look...I...I have an idea, okay. It's not easy losing someone who's so close to you. It takes a piece of you that you'll never get back. The only way you honor them is to keep them in your heart. To remember the best times you had with them. Like...if you walked with them through a park on a sunny day. Maybe ate ice cream and laughed at stupid jokes they made. Or if you...you…"

That pit came back and came back hard. She tried her hardest to hold it down but couldn't as her eyes began to burn and tears began to form. She whipped them away quickly but Violet saw it. Her whole demeanor changed to sympathy after her outburst.

"Isabella..."

"It's fine. Let's just go. I need to tell my mission contractor about what happened and now you're a witness. We're going to head back to the surface for McMillan Prospect."

She said flatly while gingerly putting her suit back on. Isabella kicked herself for breaking down in front of a broken young girl like that. She probably shouldn't have seen that at a time like this. Although she said she wasn't fearless and got scared sometimes, she needed to stay stoic and be something of a figure to look up to during this time. They both couldn't break down with grief. No, she shouldn't have to see that. She shouldn't have seen any of this. She was far too young to go through such pain of losing someone like her father let alone seeing all that death and having to live amongst the faces she recognized. What Violet needed was someone strong but she had her doubts on if she could provide that. She was right, though. None of this was fair.


Low Orbit Supercruise:




Next Ep. 5
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