LOG BOOK # 4 - COMMANDER ISABELLA LEVINE - TITAN CONTRACTORS
04 Nov 2021Isabella Levine
DATE OF RECORDING: 11/4/3307TIME OF RECORDING: 16:43 UTC
RECORDING LOCATION: T.O.C. Solaris (Q4V-40N)
LOG TYPE - Audio-Text
ENCRYPTION DETECTION: No Encryption
VOICE RECOGNITION: Commander Isabella Levine
USER IDENTIFICATION LICENCE:
LOG START:
"Ahhh, where to start? Well...hello I guess."
"My latest log was a doozy. I went on and on. This one's just...well a follow-up on my health, mental health I guess, and the squadron. I also wanted to hopefully briefly talk about someone close to me. Violet Watkins. Someone I met two months ago and someone who I care for...or do my damn best while balancing my other crap. But back on point. Let's start with my health."
"Better. Much better. I know, I was hit pretty much point-blank by an Intimidator plasma Shotgun. Funny thing about me is that my ability to heal physical wounds is...well impressive. I've mentioned before in a long lost log somewhere that...well...sorry...it's still hard to publicly admit. Uhhmmm...well...I wasn't born like everyone else was. You know, mom plus dad equals a child that looks a little like them. No, I was born through ectogenesis. Born outside the body. Right, so where am I going with this. Well, I never mentioned one thing in that past log because I was afraid it would paint a target for IISS to do an investigation on him for this….crime. You see, what my father did during my prenatal development inside an exowomb was manipulate my genes. My genetics. That's pretty outlawed in almost all corners of the galaxy so he spent a lot...and I mean a lot of creds to cover his footsteps in doing this. It was something only him and I knew about...something I never talked about with anyone...until recently and right now. My father's gone so who's going to stop him? The afterlife Police?"
"And I know I'm fine. I didn't ask to be genetically manipulated while still developing inside an artificial womb. So I have a lot of genetic...erm...don't know an appropriate word. Enhancement? Yeah, I have a lot of genetic enhancements that make me...well me. There's a gigabytes worth of medical data on my genetics that's virtually erased. My father told me. So I only know three things from experience. One; faster healing. My body creates stem cells at an incredibly fast rate. It helps with generating appropriate cells for repair and it also inadvertently helps with aging. So that why I still look like I'm a young adult in my twenties but I'm actually 26 turning 27 this upcoming December. My birthday is on the 17th. Sorry, continuing. The second thing I know is my resilience to disease. I've been in outbreak systems where there's a nasty bug going around...been fine. Been yelled at for exposing myself unnecessarily at some ports. I'd break some of the quarantine mandates...sorry. Ah, then number three; quick reaction time. Uhhh, this one I notice during combat. Things...feel...I just react to things a bit quicker than most. Doesn't mean I'm better by any means. I mean I got blasted by a Shotgun several days ago. How's that for reaction time? To be fair I walked into it and I wasn't focused. I was...well...this is a perfect segue I guess."
"My mental health. Ahh, my biggest flaw. Why couldn't genetics help me with that, huh? Joking...obviously. A bad one. But trauma is by experience, right. It's something I can't make go away but can mitigate. Anyways, I'm a bit of an emotional mess. I mean...so much has happened and with me being hurt...I just feel weak for the first time in my life. Like I...like I'm not strong. I feel useless sometimes in dire situations. Like...several days ago the Solaris had a huge accident with a damaged ship blowing its reactor inside one of the hangar bays. So many people were injured and I couldn't be there to help because I was injured. Thallia and I delivered some medical supplies for Blustar and the Solaris but I personally wanted to help people. Get them to the medical wing. But I couldn't even fit a suit on. Thallia...she...I just broke down. Told her I felt useless. She helped me change the ruined bandage I made by straining myself to get my suit on. She said I wasn't useless and that I could help with bringing medical supplies which we did. Said once I was healed up I'd be badass again. Said I'd have to keep up with her. Haha, she's cute. I love her. But honestly...it's been rough. I mean my nightmares still don't go away. From Styx...from other places I've been. I still think about my near-death experience...plus what happened at Navarro's Hold. Me getting shot."
"I...for the first time, I'm scared. I feel afraid of dying. That's why I choked up at Navarro's Hold and nearly got killed. There's just...all this anxiety and pressure and it's eating away at me. I tried not to hurt anyone and I end up hurting people. Then I question my nature. Who I am. Why I can't live a life without violence and just...be peaceful. Then I remembered that signing up to the Pilots Federation and becoming a Commander never guaranteed safety and no violence. I mean I could take my Cobra, 'Star Dance', and piss off to some untouched corner of the galaxy but guess what….I come right back. Right back into the mix of things where I'm thrown into the fire and I fight my way out of it. Then I remember again that in this galaxy...there's no true peaceful existence. And even if I wanted it...trouble would find me because it always does. That or I find it. My point; I can't change my nature. That's to look for adventure and find action. I love it. But what comes with it is this weight of hurting people and losing people around you. I think after Styx I got scared that I'd enjoy hurting people. But while I was resting, healing. I've come to the realization that I don't need to enjoy the hurting people part. I can avoid it if I can. I know I did everything that I could to avoid it but it was necessary to save someone or myself."
"Ahh, but that's just a few things. I will say, I have been with Thallia for the past few days and I'm having a great time being with her here on the 'Bake Sale'. Recently she had a brilliant idea of finding this location in Alliance space that does this special medical treatment that helps regenerate damaged tissue. Rich people use it mostly...guess since we paid for it I'm considered rich. I mean...it's the jobs I've done. That and I don't know where or how to spend my credits. Sure, I could buy a Fleet Carrier but...why? Don't need one. Heh, but before I lose the topic, we went to this place and met an...interesting fellow. He put me in this machine and it...well it worked. It took a few hours but before I knew it, I found my wound fifty times better."
"Ahh, but then the news hit. Paladin Interstellar and this Orion Drake guy. You see, before the med procedure I got, Thalliz and I were trying to piece together Orion Drake's sudden corpse revival. It was Commander Solix and that Conner guy. The Haralds son from Hivemind. Anyway, long story short. They went back to HIP 18117 where that temple was. Where Aurora was found and well...found Drake's body in some...Thargoid pod? Like he was stuffed there. Turns out...ughh...well it turned out that our Squadron Commander lied to us all. Yeah, I put it bluntly. At first, I was pretty upset that she killed him but used him to push a war with Paladin Interstellar but...Thallia and I talked to her and...she's genuinely upset about it and is sorry for what she did. Her poor decision. I forgive her. I do. I felt a little bit betrayed if I'm being honest. I trusted her lead...I still do...just. She was pretty upset about it all and my heart kinda broke for her. She's got a lot going on and...I hope she gets better. I told her I'd be there to listen if she ever needs anything. I don't know how much I can do considering my own problems but...we could all be broken together I guess. You know...maybe together we heal. Become fixed and stronger than ever together. I mean during our time at the Squadron Commanders quarters, we got a ping that Sharales was in need of help. We rushed out pretty quickly to see if he needed help since he requested it. Turns out it wasn't him but...I guess his ship...or something. Still confused about that, he said its name, and I can't remember right now. But we did reach his ship. Of course, there's no safe way to board another Commander's ship. Had to jump it. You have any idea how terrifying that is? If you miss you're screwd. Gone. A needle in a haystack, no one's coming for you. I was understandably nervous. It was, at the start, Aurora and I. Thallia got held up but she arrived eventually. She will probably kill me for saying this but she did have a bit of an issue trying to get on board. She got stuck but I'll leave it at that. Heh, heh. But, I found him in his quarters pretty...emotionally traumatized. Like I said, I think we're all a bit broken with the constant bad news happening across the squadron. I tried to console him and he went on about seeing me die and not being able to save me...I don't know. Freaked me out a bit to be honest, but...oh well. It's a nightmare but...ehh. Never mind. We did manage to get him out with a few hiccups throughout the whole duration. Back now at the Solaris in my hangar. Looking at my Cobra thinking how easy it would be to fly away right now. Imagine being somewhere nice. But I can't...I shouldn't. That's not fair to anyone especially after I said I'd help."
"But that's all for today since this is getting long. Going to close this log now. Thanks for listening and or reading the text if you have no audio. Ahh, but you miss my attractive voice. Hmm. Joking! Again. Anyway, see you guys, Commander signing off.
LOG END...:
