A grueling respite
01 Jul 2019Tan Bin Phan Nguyen
As a child, I had a cathartic experience on the muddy side of a mountain in the pouring rain. My body was failing me, and the brown water coursed endlessly down the sluice we had to clamber up. Crying, shaking my head saying I can't I can't, no, I want to home. The rain was pounding an endless thunder into the earth and I couldn't feel my tears. Thunder kept drowning out my cries. The guide yelled over the din, there is no other way but forward. I couldn't hear him or didn't care. 3 days of being soaked and exhausted, hiding from ferocious lightning under nothing but a thin tarp, praying that sleep would somehow come and overtake me; I had quit. I didn't care that there were 2 days of this ahead. 18 more miles of slogging up and down these horrible muddy chutes, clinging to vines and roots nearly weeping when the canopy is dense enough to deflect the endless fusillade of hammering cold and wet. I wanted to go back, but no matter how bad I wanted it, it would never be mine.After I broke through that misery I found euphoria. I spent the next two days in a flurry of joy and agony and determination. I kicked myself for being such a fool as to have not seen this before, but I knew that finding that the only way out is through meant that you would never have to look back, not ever again.
The other day, my old friend reached out, she and a few others were planning a brief but challenging excursion, and wanted to know if I could come along. It didn't take much convincing, I was definitely overdue for this kind of journey. Too long in this chair and I'm feeling a bit stiff. Turns out, her current beau just so happens to be very high up in the federation's natural forest management division, or whatever she said it was called. This guy was able to get us four passes into the Tahoe National Forest on the North American continent of Earth. Needless to say, these are harder to come by than guardian tech in a 'goid cargo hold. The hike was intense and the under-managed trails were challenging. Traversing snowfields and hoping to pick up the trail on the other side is a worrying experience.
In the end, we found our lakes and made camp in a pleasant gully surrounded by sheer granite walls. Late at night I left the warmth and shelter of our little cove and climbed a nearby dome. At the top I could see the starlit trees cutting severe shapes into the horizon. The distant lights of historic cities blazed far to the south, but the pollution they made didn't reach my sky. I faced the wilds to the north and laid flat on my back on the cold stone, shivering as it immediately started drawing the warmth from my body. I focused on my core and braced myself against the heatsink of cold granite. Staring up into the night sky at this altitude, from this vantage, has an interesting effect. When you have no earthly artifacts in your view, no trees, houses, fire smoke, and all you can see is the vast star field forever, you can experience a radical perspective shift if you let it happen. Forget that you're laying on your back, staring up from the bottom of a deep and heavy well, that's relative. Realize that you're not looking up at the sky, but that you're staring out into space. The invisible hand of gravity is pressing you up against the side of this whirling rock and you are looking into an endless vault of glittering embers wrapping you up. The world disappears and that winking light overhead may be the orbital where you left your precious wings.
Back in my helm now and easing this iron ass through the excruciatingly small mail slot, my thighs and glutes as blasted. I have a swollen right ankle and wicked bruise and friction burn around the left side of my waist from where my pack was misaligned. That one in particular chafes on my safety harness, I might think about slipping that off once I hit witchspace. These Sol feds can be picky about the regulations. I'm exhausted, banged up and in considerable discomfort, this is the best I've felt in years. Scrolling through my squadron logs brings a smile to my face, it seems that Arbor Caelum continues to grow, and our new partnership has been proving interesting. As it usually goes, I let a grin crack through as I hammer the throttle forward and fire up the FSD.