A necessary evil
23 Feb 20217enebrae
Another day on the hunt. Another day, soaked through with death and despair. Yes, I haven't smelled it for a long time - I'm used to it, and my fingers don't shake when the pressure of the trigger takes the life of the crew of another ship. But that doesn't mean I forgot. At least the fearful looks of passers-by at the station, full of surprise and fear, remind me of it, even if not everyone knows how much blood is on my hands, my appearance is enough to make people see me as evil. There's nothing to be pleased with, and I would not even have rented a room, I would better have washed in my cabin, done my business at the station and left, but "Gungnir" is a combat ship, and the lack of space in the internal chambers forced this cabin to be removed. Not that it bothers me much, but it's still a kind of motivation to continue my work. When I left the shower room, I looked at myself in the mirror - a scarred face hidden by long gray hair, looking back at me with a look of weariness, sadness, and disapproval. I'm in my third decade - a ridiculous age in the thirty-fourth century, yet I'm already turned grey. In ancient times people were becoming leaders, rulers, conquering lands and hearts. And what do I conquer? The face in the mirror twisted into a grin. Yes, just money for meal and, if I'll be lucky, at least a decent old age among the stars, far away from people with their vices and conflicts. Nevertheless, conflicts it is what makes money for me.I put my suit on and went to cash out my vouchers, catching familiar glances from the crowds along the way. When I was younger, I even liked this kind of... And suddenly, near another corner, a thud brought me out of my thoughts - I managed to catch the girl who crashed into me with a thin "Ouch", and she did not fall, but immediately slid down the wall right out of my hands.
- Careful, - I said dryly, and still stood there, unsure whether to try to help her or let others do it, but in the end I just held out my hand and added:
- Come on, I'm not that scary.
Long brown hair, gathered in a huge tail behind her, green eyes, expressive, sharp features, and no less expressive look... Beautiful, very beautiful, and I would even say the same ethnicity as me, if it were not an empty sound in our times - the blood of all the peoples of the Earth has long been mixed among the stars, but some communities still rave about the purity of blood and try to preserve their identity. It seems good, but they are too fanatical sometimes... The girl was still looking at me with puppy-dog eyes, but she took my hand and stood up.
- I.. I remember you, - she said, barely moving her lips.
- Mm-hmm. Really?
May be, I am already something like a living legend, or rather a scary fairy tale.
- You... You killed my father!
Ah, that's it. This is more likely to be believed.
- I'm sorry, but this is part of my work, - I shrugged.
And I was about to leave - I have to listen to vexed widows, mothers and children all the time. As I told her - professional costs, because everywhere I go - death is stalking at my heels, unable to catch up with me. Yesterday I was in the war against the anarchists and slavers, sending more than a hundred crews to Helheim, and made no effort into it. The devil knows how many of them could be someone's fathers, brothers, and further down the list. Like so many others I have killed today. A particularly notable case was when a whelp who had deserted from the battlefield wailed to me that he had done nothing and did not deserve to die. At least for the few seconds his flimsy Viper lasted. Someone will judge me, say what a monster I am, and so on, and so on... I never make excuses, because in some ways they are right. But this kid, for example, - he left his comrades, maybe friends. How many soldiers did he put to death? One? Two? It would be nice. They will no longer return home to their families, if they had any. I have no pity for weaklings, just as I have no pity for bastards and pirates... And murderers like me. And yet... The girl ran up and grabbed my hand, and exclaimed with feeling-apparently, as fright had completely disappeared.
- No, you don't understand. I wanted to thank you.
That's what I call "Surprising". I pulled my hand free and turned to face her. She made a step away, and having won my attention, she explained:
- He was a pirate, and spent all the little money he made by robbing and killing on booze, he beat me up all the time...
Sure enough, now, in the light, I could see the almost healed bruises and sunken cheeks, and from under the torn T-shirt, the collarbones were so sharp that you could cut yourself just looking at them. The leanness of her body looked disastrous, coupled with the height, result of her development in the conditions of centrifugal gravity. She didn't even have enough to eat, and I don't think she's any better now, but she still thanks me... Prefers the hunger of violence. For the first time in a long time, I experienced admiration and respect. A simple beggar girl, not some imperial princess or politician - an ordinary person, whom life crushes with a kirz boot , and she only grins.
- How old are you?
- Nineteen. Why..?
- Just wondering.
I switched on the implant and transferred two million credits to her communicator.
- Get a job or go study, but you better get out of this wilderness somewhere far away. If you don't want to be far away, there's a terraforming Orbis in the next system - it's always full of work, and I think there's a better place for a hardworking girl than what they can do... Offer here. You can even get a license, buy a ship and trade, for example. A quiet job, if you know how to avoid pirates, a comfortable life - the computer will do all the calculations for you.
She reached for the vibrating communicator in her pocket, and her mouth opened slightly in surprise.
- But... I...
I frowned.
- What do you want from me?
- Just wanted to say "thank you" ...
- For leaving you without custody?" I meet people almost every day who want to insult me, humiliate me, or even kill me for what you thank me for. So you'd better accept my gratitude for finding the courage to talk to me.
This time, she didn't stop me, and I calmly went to cash out my vouchers. The contact of the authorities here is represented by an elderly woman, with a patch on a classic jacket, in the form of the coat of arms of the Federation. She might have looked good for her age, if not for her gaudy hairstyle, which is more than a thousand years old - a plain bob with black hairs. She adjusted her glasses when she saw me and put her hands on the counter.
- Greetings, Commander. How can I help you?
I took out a separate communicator with only the ids of the vouchers - caution and only caution: tomorrow this aunt can issue a warrant for me for god damn knows what.
"Cash me everything."
The woman gave a dry click, looked at the panel on the counter, and dropped her jaw.
- I should make a request for such transaction! We really appreciate your enormous contribution to maintaining order in the system!
Yeah, sure. You really appreciate our willingness to kill anyone, anywhere, if the transaction is fat enough. I don't have to complain, of course - if you kill on orders, the pay is tolerable, but how tired I am. My own indifference to other people's deaths is already burning me out, and I have died more than once, both mentally and physically. Only death around, and nothing more. Even when I trade in between hunts, I have to lead the ubiquitous pirates by the nose and watch the violence right where I buy and sell goods. This is not to be eradicated, not to be destroyed - it is in human nature, and as long as people live, violence will live. But why is it so painful for me to realize all this? How easily I kill people, and how easily people do it everywhere I go? The girl pinched my artery somewhere under my heart with her misplaced gratitude for something so vile. Her father may have done her harm, but that does not detract from the evil I have done, and it is equally unpleasant to choose between the two. And perhaps the most disgusting thing here is that I can hardly remember when and where it was, even if she gave me a call sign.
Soon the transaction was approved and I was free again, but I did not want to fly anywhere, nor did I want to sleep. So I went to the nearest, not too shabby place to drink something non-alcoholic and maybe even eat something.