I Frakked Up
07 Aug 2022Ember Lacson
Nicole and I decided to take a bit of a break before we went hunting. We spent our downtime in our bunks doing pretty much nothing. Then, a few hours ago, we had a quick MRE brunch and headed back to the Morningstar. We hopped back in Ouranos, then turned and burned back to HIP 22460. I showed her how to use the FSS to find Interceptors in non-human signal sources. What you want if you're trying to practice on Cyclopes is a threat level of 5 and a spectral position right near the top of the frequency band. Our first one, we dropped into a sickly green cloud, and the Interceptor fired on us immediately. I explained that normally we'd get a few moments to hit it with a Xeno Scanner, which takes 10 seconds and requires you to stay within 500m. It's not really feasible here unless you're a hell of a lot better than me, so I swapped it out for a Shutdown Field Neutralizer. I also pointed out how the Thargon swarm wasn't attacking, and how normally you have to destroy it between hearts. But since I knew it wasn't going to be an issue I brought a big-ass beam laser instead. We got a bit more beat up than I wanted to, but Nicole handled it way better than she did on her first excursion with me. Once the bug was down we hopped back into supercruise and searched for another. I wish I had the cargo space to grab that heart and exchange it for the little bobblehead, but there will always be more bugs to hunt, no matter what Salvation says.We found two more with the FSS, and the first one we dropped into had the same green cloud, the same kind of debris field, but no bug. I flew around for a minute to see if they were baiting us or something, but the Interceptor had already buggered off (pun intended). So, I jumped out and headed over to the other one. Same story, no Interceptor in sight. We jumped out, honked, checked FSS again, and found a new 5-threat, but when we dropped in there was nothing. "Welp," I said, "you win some, you lose some. Most of them are in the conflict zones anyway, and I don't know if I'm up for that again unless I can find some other CMDRs."
"I'm not," she said. "Unless the low-intensity ones I see on the POI list are Hydra-free."
"Far as I know they always send a Hydra in the raiding party, whether it's a big one or not," I said.
"Then take me home," she sighed. "I think I've had enough action for one day."
So, I plotted a course to the Morningstar and high waked out. Nicole was glad to be back on "dry land," so to speak, but I still had the itch, so I repaired and set out for some solo hunting. I was determined to understand this high black magic they call Cold Orbiting, so I rewatched Queen Katie Byrne's tutorial on the AXI net site. It still didn't make much sense, but I made sure to note the steps mentally so that I could try it later. When I looked down at my radar I saw a bunch of CMDRs heading over to the Varian Scott, so I decided I would try to join them, even if they didn't have wing space. I dropped in just as they nuked one of the Cyclopes and the other one fired off its shutdown field. I hit my neutralizer and it worked like a charm. But even though I was out of range of the Interceptor's main gun I was still in the Scouts' sights. They laid into me like a pack of hungry dogs, and I had to flip around and knock a couple of them down before boosting away. I got enough of a tag on the second Cyclops to earn a bond for it, which was great, but after the thorough drubbing we gave that raiding party they decided to hang back. That meant everybody had to back off for a second. I followed the leads of the other CMDRs, low waked out, turned around at about 1000 klicks, and dropped back in.
By the time we had rejoined the fight a whole horde of Scouts were attacking, and Celeste alerted me to another frame shift anomaly. It dropped in about twelve klicks away, so I didn't have to worry about its shutdown field. When I finished with my Scout ankle biters I headed out to where the Interceptor and the CMDRs were skirmishing. When I targeted it, I saw the trademark leading and trailing spines at the tips of the petals. Medusa. If I were there solo, I would have turned and burned. But there were three or four other CMDRs there in large, high damage ships, in addition to all the federal AX forces and the Varian Scott herself. I wasn't worried. I should have been.
Like always, I stayed a few klicks out, poking the shield with my beam laser if it was up or hammering away with my Gauss cannons if it wasn't. I didn't even stray that close. But ol' Dusey turned her attention to me for some reason instead of the juicier Corvettes. I dumped power to shields and turned tail, just like I had with the Hydra week or so ago. But this time my hull was just over half, no doubt from those gorram Scouts. I tried to boost, but my engine cap was drained because I had boosted to get away from the Scouts and forgotten to take the three seconds to recharge it. Even with four pips to systems, my shields were down before I could process what happened. I boosted like crazy, but it wasn't enough to get out of range of the Medusa's main gun. My canopy was the first thing to go, and I knew I was in deep shit, but I still tried to save it. When my hull dropped under 10%, however, I knew I was looking at my first rebuy in a long time. I tore off my harness and bolted for the escape pod. When I say I cut it close, I mashed the launch button about half a second before the hull breached and Ouranos crumbled to pieces around me. And then...I blacked out.
The next thing I saw was a pen light shining in my eye. "He's awake," said the medic. "Son, can you hear me?" I groaned out a "Yeah" and asked where the hell I was. He said that Search and Rescue picked me up outside the Varian Scott's SOI, and that I got lucky. They found me barely conscious with two minutes of life support left and a distress beacon that was barely functional. They had tried to bring me around for about ten minutes on the trip to the Bright Sentinel, which is where I came back to lucidity. They said the blackout was probably stress and shock, but they checked me for a concussion anyway, since I hadn't been strapped in, and since I'd been in and out of consciousness. But after a few minutes and a couple rounds of stimulants, they concluded I was fine and fit to fly, so I gave them my seven and a half million for coinsurance, and they showed me down to the waiting area while my replacement Krait was assembled.
There's an old thought experiment involving the ship of Theseus, mythical founder of Athens. If the ship were kept in the harbor and a piece of it were replaced every year until every piece had been replaced, would it then be the same ship or a new ship? While the previous few times I've had to rebuy a ship, this question hasn't crossed my mind, this time it was different. I felt a bond with Ouranos, the same as I do with my Chieftain, Meershaulk, or my Vulture, Catarata, or my Fer-de-Lance, Ithkelash. I worked long hours to outfit her, to take her to see the engineers, to make sure she was shipshape. I took her to battle. I patched up her wounds. I almost lost her once before, but she prevailed. Now, the original was gone, scattered rubble floating in the black. The new Ouranos was identical in every way, but she wasn't the same ship, because every part of her from the hull to the hardpoints was brand spanking new.
When she was ready I walked up to her, placed my hand on the nose gear, and I broke down in tears. "I should have taken better care of her," I said. "I should have been more careful. I frakked up. I frakked up."
If Nicole had been with me, I don't think we both would have made it out. I would not be able to live with myself if my mistakes led to her death. I almost told them to drop me off at the nearest station with Apex services and ship the new Ouranos to the Morningstar. But then it reminded me of the old metaphor of getting bucked off a horse. You don't give up. You get back on that damn thing's back, you dig your heels in, and you don't let it own you again. So I knuckled up, stepped onto the elevator, and strapped myself in.
I didn't head back to the Morningstar. I low waked out, honked, found a bug, and I blew it to smithereens. I did it again. I stopped at the Morningstar for a minute for some quick repairs and a restock after that, never unhooking my harness, and I went back for three more. I restocked again and bagged another two kills. I got good at staying on target without flight assist. I actually pulled off a cold orbit, not just once but half a dozen times. I broke this gorram horse, not just to saddle but to ride.
Once I was done screwing around I hopped back to HIP 21852, where the Morningstar is stationed. I was too eager to get home and had to Loop of Shame™, but before long I was back in the bay, with Nicole waiting for me at the elevator.
I hugged her when I got to her. Tight. She asked what was wrong, and I said I was hungry. I didn't elaborate. I didn't ask her to join me. I told her. And to my surprise, she fell in line with a playful but still sincere "Yes, sir." We went to the mess and ordered hot sandwiches. When we got our food and sat down, she was first to break the silence. "Something happened out there," she said. "I can tell."
"You have no clue," I said. "And I'm not sure you want to know."
She crammed her mouthful of food into her cheek and said, "Tell me!"
"I got this close to dying," I said, holding up my thumb and index finger almost pinched together. "I made a mistake. Search and Rescue was lucky to find me." I tore off a chunk of my sandwich and looked up at her again. She had stopped chewing. The color had drained from her face. "I made it out, though."
"But your ship..." she stammered, "...it's the same one. I don't get it."
"New," I said. "The original Ouranos is just another wreck orbiting the Varian Scott, destined to be scooped up, melted down, and recycled."
"So then why are you acting so...victorious?"
I swallowed my mouthful and set the rest of the sandwich back on the plate. I looked into her eyes with pride and said, "Because I beat it. I beat that voice that told me, 'This is too dangerous.' I beat that old, more nonchalant version of myself that almost got both of us killed. I beat my mediocre skills. I took all that shit and put it on the fire instead, and I beat it. That bull almost trampled me, but I grabbed it by the horns, wrestled it to the ground, and hogtied it. Now I know what it takes to play with the big boys, and once we're done with our excursions and back in the Bubble for a while, I'm going to climb that hill, and I'm going to bring you along. And I'll be damned if I don't have you flying by my side in a few years' time. You want to see my ambition? This is it. I want this place to be your home. Our home. Whether that be as friends or as something more, I'll leave up to you. But this...this is a sea change."
She sat in silence for a few moments then swallowed hard. She said her mouth was desert dry, and she got up to get some water. When she got back, she didn't say much else besides, "I like the idea of having a home. You'll just have to promise it's close enough to the Pilots Federation Zone for a while."
I shook my head. "No. You're ready to run. I'll make sure you always know where the Morningstar is, but after a couple months you're going to have to come dock on your own, and you're going to need more than a stock Sidewinder's jump range to do it. If you want me, you're going to have to fly."
She nodded slowly as she took a long sip of water. Then she looked up at me and said, "Then I'll have to spread my wings."