Not that you noticed
20 May 2020Cpt Krovatchski
CommandI've just been released from prison.
I doubt that you were aware of this because you havent even sent me orders in 3 months.
Well, im out now. And im still pissed. How did I get arrested? Well lets not dwell on the details of that aspect.
I recall we were in the Mars Colonies sir, you were eating a grapefruit at the helm when someone phased you from the back of the cabin
Victor, no one asked you for specifics
I spent the day cleaning up the Dash of
Victor! ENOUGH!
Anyway, the how isnt important, it is the WHY that brings us to this report
Feb. 27. 3306
We sent Pfc John Kelly into port to retrieve some supplies, Pfc David Plum was to accompany him. I realize now in great oversight that this was my first mistake, and that these two when combined carry a special kind of mental infancy that surpasses their own when seperated.
According to the official charges, PFC Kelly was apprehended stealing a hologram of some Japanese novel character, except they only caught up to him AFTER he had already gotten into a public restroom with the hologram.
The rest is not Report Friendly.
Apparently PFC Plum was arrested as well, for actions the two commited earlier in the day, and by earlier in the day, i do mean within 3 minutes of leaving the ship.
Upon entering the recieving area PFC John Kelly grabbed a bowl of what he believed to be "Complementary Ribs" and began eating them without even thinking about why they were so strategically placed in front of a family of 4.
PFC David Plum then began to fight with PFC Kelly in an attempted struggle to return the food. Both their shirts ended up coming off in this Struggle, neither of which i believe have showered in the last 8 months, nor actually followed the Fitness regiment.
In the end, PFC David Plum attempted to hand the now sweaty and mutilated ribs back to the family, who vividly declined.
David is then quoted as saying 'I dont have to take this, and throwing the ribs at the wall'
They are both being charged with theft, and indecent exposure, they believed David to be a Large woman.
I was charged with negligence, as i let these two leave the ship
- CMdR Cpt Krovatchski
Just shoot me.