Failures... and Redemption
01 Feb 2017Skiingiggy
In my last log I was feeling incredibly down, defeated, and tired of politics in the bubble. And I had declared that I intended to make a trek out to beagle point via colonia. That trip... well. I failed. It didn't happen for so many different reasons. The first was how much even the black has changed recently - The last time I went out to the core, there was no one to be seen most of the way - certainly no sign of civilization. Now there's the colonia hub, and along the way, fueling outposts that break the monotony of it all. That was part of the problem - I was running from change, and even out there, in the middle of nowhere, it was staring me in the face.The other reason that trip never really made it off the ground was because of so many different personal reasons - once I set off, running away from all of my troubles here, the self-doutbt began to set in. My brain decided to tell me that, like everything else, there was no way in hell I could be successful in this quest - I'm not good enough to make the trek to beagle point, to rank myself among the best and most avid explorers of the universe. So, after the second refueling post, I turned around and went back to civilized space.
Rather fortunately for me though, this is where things turned around. Unfortunately a lot of things that led to me leaving to Beagle were, to be blunt, still in the shit, but upon returning to my home station I was greeted by some friends, friends who needed my help. So I did what I always do when I'm asked, even if it's foolish: I helped. I stumbled off into my newly aquired Corvette, did some outfitting to make sure she was ready, and then I headed off into some combat zones and just did what I could to help - and it seems to have paid off. Things are going well for my friends, and the wars have been won. What amounts to a slow but steady loss of assets and credits has turned into a rather large profit margin, the likes of which I haven't seen since... well, since the dangerous games. It wasn't quite that impressive, but there was money to be made and for the first time in a long while I actually felt like I was contributing to something important - I was helping again instead of just failing - and it felt great. I've partaken in several different wars over the past few weeks, and it's true, war is hell. But at least I've survived it, gotten stronger. And I've helped quell some more evil in the black - to help make things safer and better for us all. And I've got some newfound confidence too.
So that leaves me with where I am now. Some of my planetside issues are still very prevalent, but at least I've found some confidence again. I've started making some changes there too - for the better, I hope. To maintain that positive change, I've gone and renamed most of my fleet, and begun another journey of self improvement. Now, I'm gonna pour one last shot of whiskey and get out of this bar and back out to the black. I think I'll take a short jaunt out to Veil West, and then return home and get back to work. Hey, at least some things are finally looking up!