LOG #071 - Commander A. Adair - TITAN Contractors
12 Oct 2021Aurora Adair (Radiumio)
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Initiating voice-recording...
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LOG: #071
RECORDING TYPE: Personal Log LOG PUBLICISED
What does Log Publicised mean?
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
RECORDING LOCATION: T.O.C. Solaris (Drake-class Carrier, Q4V-40N)
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Hey. So... uh... after my last log, I went out, did some 'bounty patrol' in LHS 2429... it was near the carrier just in case anything happened but, it went really smooth actually. The benefits of flying a Corvette once used by CSF, I guess, and Alexis' advice from last time helped me out. Hey, I might even be a natural at it... So yeah. CSF doesn't mess about with their ships though... at least when they're not actively working against the squadron, but whatever... that's a bit of a... story. Nevermind that.
I was on my way to return to Acaba Dock, turn in the bounties... get some maintenance done on the Icarus - that kind of stuff, when I... uh... heh... I got a message from Alexis. And it was round about then I realised I may have sent her a few too many messages... eight simultaneous messages to be exact, asking if she was alright, could she contact me ASAP, and so on... and she just casually replied, asking if I wanted to go out for a drink and we could catch up. So I said sure, but damn... I felt so embarrassed... and way too clingy... Maybe she just needed some space... Anyway, uh... we agreed to meet up at Acaba Dock, since she was nearby and I was already there anyway... so...
When she got there, I met her at her hangar... and I tried really hard to not be awkward, but I couldn't really figure out what to say when I saw her, so I just kind of went in with a hug after saying a pretty timid "hi". Everytime I see her, I just think of... y'know... uhm... actually, nevermind. I followed up quickly, apologizing for sending her so many messages but... she just cut me off and said we could go talk about it at the bar, so I agreed... that was obviously why we came here, anyway...
So, we made our way to the bar... I got something pretty light and... I don't remember what she got. I'm not much of a drinker so... it doesn't interest me that much. We started off with the usual... asking how things were going, that kind of thing. I had to lie through my teeth, obviously... You know how stuff has been going for me... and to be honest I just really wanted to see her. Tori has... uhm... not been doing too great... so I don't need to offload my issues onto her. So I just wanted someone else close to me, just to talk to... And who better than Alexis, right?
Anyway... she then told me why she hadn't responded for a while. Apparently she had a mission to shadow someone and... well... uh... take them out... I guess. I didn't really ask much more than that, not that she was probably going to tell me. Then she asked what she'd been missing out on, in the squadron and... well, I couldn't help but let out a sigh. I think that kind of said it all to her, but I went on and explained anyway...
I spoke a little bit about CSF messing up, about Tori being found... though talking about it upset me a little, thinking about it all, so I kind of just went quiet and sipped my drink. Tori's really... not well at all. I happened to find out that they... think she was tortured by Hivemind... with broken bones and bruises to prove it... and Jaiden told me she just started crying when he asked her questions...
So... even though I should be there for her... I'm not because... well... I'm too scared, I guess, of what I might find out... and I don't know if I can be strong enough for her. It's a stupid excuse but, as much as she's my friend, I... can't deal with this right now. So I guess you could say I'm avoiding it, just for now. Anyway... I said sorry to Alexis for getting upset, and we changed the topic. I asked if she'd come back to the Solaris any time soon, but... then it got a little awkward and she... asked what happened between us.
Honestly I... kinda did want to meet up to talk about it... but when it actually came around to talking about what happened... I... I dunno. I just looked at her and... tried to think of the words... but I just shrugged and said I was sorry... that I [#$@!]ed up big time and I didn't know what to do. Not the best answer, I know... but she said she didn't really know what to do either, which... kind of makes me feel worse... knowing that I might've made her just go with the flow... then she asked if I regretted what happened...
And... well... no... I don't, but... it's kind of complicated, I guess. I suppose I just got... scared... I didn't expect to get so... uh... intimate... with her. She just went quiet and... looked at her drink... before asking how I wanted to continue on from this... so I tried to invert the question and... well... I just wanted her to tell me how she honestly felt, though she just got really embarrassed and blushed intensely... and fumbled with her words...
Her reaction kind of said a lot but... I just nervously laughed and said she could take her time to answer me... gave me time to finish my drink anyway. And eventually... she answered and said she didn't know... that she didn't want to overstep and mess up everything... but to be honest I feel like I already did that. She said she didn't want to... uh... lose 'this'... and yeah. I don't want to either.
She just... makes me feel... uhm... 'comfortable'. Like... even after what happened, I still feel like I can confide in her, and... just be myself, I guess. No need to put up an act or anything around her, and I guess the same applies for her. Can't believe I almost [#$@!]ed that up... just because I got cold feet. So... I decided I'd just tell her everything... that I felt like I was going too fast and that I was going to [#$@!] up eventually, and that maybe I was just acting in the moment because she saved me... and since my parents disowned me I... wanted something like... family... back again. But I didn't want to burden her with it... and before I could make sense of it... we kind of... y'know... went too far...
So that's why I changed my mind... but I shouldn't have blindsided her like that and... well, what I guess I was trying to say to her is that she was the only person who made me feel comfortable and... like I belong - other than Tori of course. Someone to confide in and... I was scared I'd lose that, so that's why I was kind of acting so clingy after I kind of broke things off... and yeah... admittedly I got desperate... and didn't want to lose one of the only things I had that mattered, y'know? So... after I finished telling her all this... she just went quiet. I got worried that I messed things up even more by telling her all this... but she just blushed and... sipped her drink.
So I said I knew it was a lot to take in... so we could maybe go take a walk, check out the Pioneer store and maybe shop for some extra gear if she'd like. Truth be told, neither of us need new gear or anything, but... couldn't hurt to stock up on some suit batteries or medical kits. So... we went to the Pioneer, which was just a few steps outside the bar... had a walk around, chatted a bit. I could tell she was definitely giving what I said some thought.
But... I didn't want to push it, so I just let her think about it and didn't say much else, though I hadn't chased her away yet, so that was a good sign. Anyway, she was chatting away in the Pioneer store... talking about guns and stuff... seems like she's particularly fond of the AR-50... and to be honest, I am too. It's pretty cool... fairly ergonomic and a good assault rifle overall... plus it was the same rifle I was issued when I joined CSF and when I was a guard at Obi... So I guess that says a thing or two about its reliability.
So... regarding our whole meet-up... overall, other than it being a little awkward... I really loved seeing her again, and it was nice to know she wasn't ghosting me intentionally. I asked if she'd come stay over now, and she did say she didn't have any active contracts or anything... so she technically could... Oh, and that reminded her... she said she would pay me for that mining escort mission, but I insisted she didn't... not if it was out of her own pocket, anyway. She agreed, at least... and besides, she doesn't need to pay me for anything. It was nice to just spend time with her.
Though, she did say that she had some goals she wanted to save up for, and contracts are her only source of money... plus she isn't too keen on letting me 'donate' some of my money to her, so she asked if I could arrange a temporary job aboard the Solaris. Just so she can at least have some income until another contract comes up. I said I'd make something happen... just depends on what she wants to do, in the end. She'd probably be quite suited to CSF work but... I don't really want to put her in that division right now.
Truth be told, they've been causing a lot of trouble... After Jaiden told me that he thinks they hid Tori's distress signal, I've not really been too happy about it and I... uhm... might've even threatened to defund them in an operations briefing... which Griffin kind of agreed with, but he wasn't too happy about it either... so yeah. Alexis probably would do fine but... I don't want her to get dragged into anything.
Anyway... after we spent some time in the store, I kind of insisted she came back to the carrier with me... and we could maybe hang out, watch a show... whatever... and if she wanted to talk about things more, we could... and, of course, she could stay aboard the Solaris in my quarters, permanently, if she'd like. No strings attached... I at least wanted her to have that comfort... so she doesn't have to constantly stay in her ship or... rent a temporary place or whatever. Not sure where she stays right now, anyway.
After a bit of walking about at the Pioneer store and paying for our drinks at the bar, we decided to call it a day... oh, right, and I got an opportunity to show her the Icarus, that Corvette I'd been using to bounty-hunt - since when I went on that escort mission with her, I used the Gunship. She was a big fan of it... said she even wanted to buy one of her own... but yeah... she doesn't need to know the price-tag... I checked it when I had it transferred to me. Couldn't imagine spending that much money on one ship, but it's 'one of the best combat ships' after all...
I should probably stop recording now... Alexis was going to come with me back to the Solaris, but she said she needed to arrange a transfer for some of her ships, if she was going to move aboard the Solaris. She should be done round about now, s-... oh, someone just knocked on my door... Perfect timing.
Okay. Uh... and... sorry if I shared too much, again... I'm always wary of that. But... yeah. I think we've both made our voices heard... so now we can kind of... 'normalize' our friendship, I guess? Keep it... platonic? I dunno... Whatever. We'll see how this goes.
Need to go now. Talk to you soon.
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Credit:
This story is only possible thanks to our squadron and community. Join TITAN Contractors, a diverse and talented squadron, and experience our custom lore and events. This logbook as well as associated images and story is property of TITAN Contractors, CMDR Radiumio. A special thank you to CMDR Alexis Bright for allowing me to use their character in the story!
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