LOG #076 - Commander A. Adair - TITAN Contractors
23 Oct 2021Aurora Adair (Radiumio)
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LOG: #076
RECORDING TYPE: Personal Log LOG PUBLICISED
What does Log Publicised mean?
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
RECORDING LOCATION: Templar (Krait Phantom, TR-03X)
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Heya.
So... Things went okayish today... Not as bad as I expected, to be honest. Though Alexis and I had a... uh... a 'thing' yesterday... so that's going to be something we have to deal with.
Basically... we were just chilling yesterday... she was doing her own thing and I was just giving my back a break... then she kind of got a bit worked up while typing pretty furiously on her PDA... so I asked her what was wrong. She said Jaiden was back in the concourse channel, via G.R.I.D. I don't remember if I explained it... but Jaiden - he's one of our security officers... and actually leads the Peacekeeper agency TITAN created a while back for enforcing squadron law...
He unfortunately got... compromised. Ended up being responsible for allowing Paladin Interstellar to carry out some specific attacks... but an investigation did conclude that he was blackmailed. Apparently they were threatening to do more attacks... and at one point they made some threats towards his wife... They even had [#$@!]ing pictures of her, or so the report says. So... he was released without charges and given leave, but he wanted to return and continue his duty, to try prove his worth, I guess.
There was a lot of discussion about clearing him for duty so soon, but I did give the go-ahead for it in the briefing yesterday - if he really wanted to. I just didn't think it was that important that I needed to tell Alexis... but she sure has some beef with the poor guy... So anyway, when she told me, she seemed pretty angry, so I just asked her to give him a chance and let him prove himself again.
So she thought it'd be a good idea to invite Jaiden to a meeting... so both of them could settle it and whatever. Her wording was a bit harsh, but I just dismissed it and continued to relax... But it wasn't long before she got frustrated again, enough that she kind of slammed her PDA down and cursed loudly... So I asked her what was wrong now...
And she told me. Told me that she got angry that the other Commanders in the concourse channel were convinced that Alexis just wanted to meet Jaiden so she could punch him... and that they were calling her out for being unreasonable... but then she... well, she threatened Jaiden, saying that she'd make Drake's threats look like a walk in the park...
[#$@!]... Maybe I got a bit too angry... but after knowing what Jaiden had just gone through... that they threatened his wife... and now Alexis was doing the same thing, it just made me think in the moment that she was no better than Drake or Paladin. I was... seething... Like really, really angry. I was just so sick of the drama and... people getting hurt over this... so I got up and started yelling at her.
Asked her how she could [#$@!]ing say something like that... after everything he's been through... that she should've just shut up and waited for the meeting... and I... I maybe said too much, because... I kind of just blurted out that I couldn't believe how she acted sometimes, that she glorified killing people and... just... I didn't know who she was becoming, I guess...
Then the room fell silent... and she got up, reached for her hip and grabbed her Tormentor by the barrel... handing her gun to me. I just got... confused... angry... didn't get what she was saying and... but she said I was right and that I should take it... Take it away from her... And then she just started crying...
She was about to turn and run for my quarter's door, I guess... but I kind of realized what I'd said and I grabbed her arm... Before she could leave. I didn't want to hurt her but... [#$@!]... I guess I just wanted her to understand that she couldn't act like that. So I gave her a tight hug for about... I dunno... several minutes. Listening to her cry so... so much... after the tough persona she constantly projects... [#$@!], started to make me cry a little even.
I've never seen her in such a state, but... I guess she needed it... this little... 'outburst'. And... hopefully what I said made her think a little... even if it was harsh, I think it needed to be said... Her background is.... uh... difficult, I guess. How she was forced to work for a genetics company, just to literally become an engineered soldier... Really messed up, and... I guess that's why she behaves like this... but... anyway... Eventually she calmed down and I told her she could talk to me about anything.
But, she wanted to just rest... Take a break, and maybe talk about it tomorrow. So I said that was fine... but the last thing I needed was her to run off and make a stupid decision. So I told her to just stay in my quarters and think about it. Thankfully she did... but unfortunately it doesn't end there. The rest of the night was fairly uneventful, we went to bed as usual... while I was mentally preparing for meeting my parents the next day.
I don't know how much sleep I got in... but Alexis was kind of restless. She kept tossing and turning in the bed, on her side... and eventually at one point she suddenly sat up with a scream, which woke me immediately... It was weird, like she'd started having nightmares... but only now. She was shaking and crying a little... and she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. If I can be honest, it's a little... emotionally draining having to deal with this... but I'll put up with it for her, obviously.
So I just comforted her while she tried to get herself together... and eventually she went back to bed, but... I struggle to sleep as it is, so that was probably all the sleep I was getting. Plus, it was early morning, so we'd be getting up soon anyway... While I waited for her, I got myself a drink... Thought about what I'd say to my parents when we got there, and what ship I'd take... Nothing that was like... super expensive... or I thought that might prompt them to ask.
Because I didn't want to tell them I was a Commander... And that I had literally become a multibillionaire just because of one odd event that granted me a fortune I could only wish of having... Thankfully I can kind of consider it the squadron's money... otherwise I don't know how I'd handle it...
But yeah... keeping that from them went so well, clearly... But I'll get to that shortly...
So, Alexis woke up an hour or two later. By then, I'd settled on taking the Templar... my Krait Phantom that I'd had repainted and renamed because... well, I didn't like the red and black... and its previous name was the same as the merc group who had attacked us... so, yeah... We got ready, maybe even a little dressed up... had to make sure I took an outfit that didn't have any of my Pilots' Fed emblems on. I was super nervous and not sure if it was worth the effort but... I had to try, right? At least I had Alexis to encourage me...
So after all that, we took off from the Solaris, made our way over to Sol... My parents still live at the Li Qing Jao starport, some kind of sentimental value, I guess... even though it was attacked by the NMLA that one time... and they could move if they wanted to... but I guess not. Alexis apparently has a permit for Sol too, and used to operate around the area, even though she was born in Imperial space, in Achenar... but apparently her ability to acquire the permit now as a Commander was revoked, even though she has the history...
I asked her why... and she hesitated a little bit, before telling me it was because the Pilots' Federation believes she should 'acquire it like every other Commander', through auxiliary service with the Imperial Navy... So apparently her history doesn't come into the equation then for some reason. Not sure how she got the Sol permit then... but whatever. I didn't ask.
Anyway, we got to Li Qing Jao... took the elevator to the habitation section of the station... 'executive' side, you could say... My family's service gave them that privilege I suppose. It's a nice place... but I don't like feeling high and mighty over others to begin with, so... Anyway, I followed my sister's message, so I could find the right place. Couldn't even remember after these all years...
We got to the door... and I will admit, it was a really nice place. Gorgeous view from the habitation wing too - Alexis really liked it, first time she's seen the view from one... but, honestly, I hesitated a bit when I was about to knock. Part of me wanted to just turn and run, scared of what was about to happen, but Alexis just gave me this look and told me to go ahead. So I knocked and... we waited in suspense a little.
Then the door opened... and there's my sister... Raya. I kind of wish we didn't bother getting all dressed up for this party... they were fairly casually dressed to be honest. So my sister got this like... look and gave a warm greeting... I was already on edge. After all the cold shoulders I had received from them just because of what I did... I wasn't expecting to her to be so... friendly, I guess.
So I quickly introduced Alexis to Raya... Raya to Alexis... and I said I thought I'd bring a friend along. And she said "Oh, a friend? That's nice. But you sure you two are just friends?"... so I asked her why she would say that... and she carried on with "come on, Aurora... you never stand that close to someone..." and then she went on to say... "Awww, I get it... I always knew you were les!"... ugh...
Couldn't stop blushing... and I really wanted to just crawl into a hole. Alexis just let out a timid laugh... but... man, honestly, my sister's always been a [#$@!%], she always took some sick enjoyment out of embarrassing me... But I wanted to stand my ground for once, so I retorted and said "nice to see some things never change."
Alexis kind of nudged me with her elbow in my side... but I couldn't help but smirk. Wiped that stupid grin off my sister's face at least... but at least before an argument could start, my father came to the door. He looked... different. Little more grey, I guess... he's a retired Federal Navy Admiral after all, and one of the best... but maybe I'm a little biased...
I'll be honest, I always had respect for him, and his achievements... Loved him more than the rest of my family. He wasn't so harsh about the whole 'joining the federal navy' thing with me... but I guess the others just overpowered him and that's why I ran away... Maybe I should've confided in him... but to be honest now that I think about it, where would I be if I hadn't run away? Certainly not where I am right now, for sure...
And his greeting was at least a stark contrast from my sister too... He stepped outside instead and gave me a hug... And he also said I looked 'stunning', so that was nice... boosted my confidence a little. I introduced him to Alexis... and she said it was 'nice to meet you, sir'... I guess she noticed the obvious military badges on his chest, but I know he always hated being called 'sir', so he just asked that she called him by his name, Isaiah, instead.
He invited us inside and... they definitely changed the place from what I remember... The front door led into this beautiful hallway... with the fake wooden floor, but it was done well enough that it looked real... There were still photos of me when I was a kid hung up and... family pictures... so I guess it's nice to know they didn't remove every sign of me...
My father led us to the patio through the kitchen... where I met my brother, Joshua, in his federal military outfit... I haven't seen him a while, because he was serving when I was secretly working at Obi... but he gave me a massive hug... and maybe squeezed a little too hard. I think he singlehandedly undid all the effort I did trying to give my back a break... since it started hurting a little again when he let go. But, at least he commented on my hair... said he liked how I did it.
Kind of ironic that I got more compliments in the last five minutes than I have in my entire life but... anyway... I was busy introducing Alexis to everyone when... well, here comes my mum... Just out the corner of my eye. I kind of froze... like an idiot... and I got anxious, because... well, my mum was always a huge opposer of me refusing to serve... so I kind of locked eyes with her and just went quiet.
But she gave out this like... hearty laugh and put her hand on my shoulder, asking why I looked like a deer in headlights... I just kind of laughed a little in response, but couldn't say anything... and it's a good thing I brought Alexis with, since she saw I didn't know what to do, so she went ahead and introduced herself to Lauren, my mum... which gave me time to 'regroup' my thoughts...
Though, after I got past that 'initial phase'... I was alright. We started talking... wished my mum a happy birthday and all that... we went out to the patio and sat around the table while we spoke... First it started out with just them talking about Josh and Raya's service in the Federal Navy... but my dad kept giving me this 'look'... like... not in a negative way but... like in an expectant way. Like he wanted me to speak about what I was doing and... yeah. I didn't really want to, to be honest...
But I guess it was inevitable... because then the conversation suddenly shifted to me... And my sister asked if I still had that security job... but it felt like there was some kind of malice behind what she said... like she said it in a vindictive way, I guess? So I just said no... I left it a year or so ago... So then they obviously wanted to know what I was doing now...
I just... said I was first an independent combat specialist with this... independent organisation... and then I became a pilot for them. That I do military logistics and recon stuff now... Not really a lie, but not entirely the truth either. But then... my mum said something like "always putting yourself in harms way, hm?"... and I just shrugged. I didn't know what to say... but then Alexis said "well, she's very good at what she does" with a little smile towards me...
And then it kind of fell quiet. I kind of gave Alexis a look, hoping she didn't say the wrong thing... but then my mum asked... "so if you do all this, why didn't you want to serve in the navy?"... and... well, the truth was I just hated the superpower's politics... and I didn't want to die in a stupid war for someone else's [#$@!]-ups... I wanted what I would do to actually matter. I said that to them... and before I could even finish my sister went on a whole long tangent about how 'serving for the Federal Navy is the most prestigious thing one could ask to do' and... ugh. I just ignored her. Told you she was a [#$@!%].
My father kind of told her to 'pipe down'... but she continued on, saying how she couldn't understand why I would shame our family like that... And... yeah, that did it. Alexis saw me clench my fist, and she grabbed my hand. So I just said, in a sarcastic way, that I was sorry to disappoint. But that made Raya pretty damn angry, just the way I said it, and her face was... absolute thunder, like I'd insulted everything she standed for... To be honest, I kinda did.
So she stood up and stepped towards me... asking how dare I and... well, she didn't make it far before my father yelled at her to sit down. This whole commotion was kind of making me recall... how they reacted to me working at Obi and... admittedly I got a little upset... so I kind of just said that maybe we should leave. Seemed like I was causing more issues than solving any... But my dad stood up suddenly and gestured to me, leaving the patio. So I grabbed Alexis' hand and stood up quickly, practically dragging her out of there... When we entered the kitchen, he asked me to wait there... and then he went upstairs...
Gave me a chance to wipe my face and... apologize to Alexis, for dragging her into this. That maybe coming here was a mistake and... [#$@!]. I dunno... She said it was fine... but asked if they really were just mad over me not serving in the navy... and unfortunately the answer was yes. She commented on how petty that was... and yeah... I agreed. But, anyway... it wasn't long before my father came down, with this like... ornate box. And he suddenly handed it to me... Said he was proud of the woman I'd become... and he told me to open it.
[#$@!]... I'm crying even now... ugh... Sorry... I opened it and... [#$@!]... Inside were... u-... uhm... were three Elite badges... Pilots' Federation badges... Gold-plated... and a Commander license belonging to my dad. And then he just simply said "he knew"... Well... [#$@!], if the tears didn't just start coming. Alexis just stood there, not sure what to do or say... but he just hugged me while I could barely [#$@!]ing stand and compose myself. Maybe a bit dramatic but... at the time it just felt like... like a relief. Like he was the only one who understood me... and that he was proud about it...
And that the last few months of just... emotional downs and... Yeah. You know the rest... So, I guess it was my turn to have my breakdown... so, even though I was consciously aware that the rest of them were standing by the door, I just buried my face in his chest and cried... I heard my sister kind of exclaim in surprise... like she realized it too... By becoming a Commander... I had unknowingly followed in my father's footsteps... So... when I could at least breathe and make out words... I asked him why he never told me... and he said he just wanted me to find my own path... and when the time was right, he would tell me...
Apparently he used his contacts in the Pilots' Fed and pulled some strings to ensure I didn't find out he was a Commander when I went for my flight application... like family associations and all that... and he kind of quietly monitored my journey. He knew that I joined a squadron as a military operative... and he knew that... somehow, just before I finished my training... and became a proper Commander... that I 'inherited' ownership of the entire squadron just because of one will written by Quinton... and while he wasn't sure how that came to be... he said he knew I was the right person for the position of Squadron Commander.
He chuckled too... saying he was surprised how well I handled the wealth and authority... he said he could only wish to have been that responsible in his early days. And... then things kind of calmed down after that... I stopped crying... uh... mostly, at least... and he took his box back... my sister was dead quiet, while my brother gave me yet another hug... my mum didn't say anything... but she just stood by the door and smiled. Alexis gave me a hug too, she seemed as shocked as I was... and yeah... And... to cut a long story short... the rest of the day went better... My sister still sulked like the little-... Actually, for once, I'll just not continue that sentence.
So, we had a nice party... just the whole family together... there was a - and I'm putting it mildly - a super exquisite cake for my mum. And for once... I felt like things became normal. That my family life wasn't a [#$@!]-up anymore... or at least not like it was before... and that I now know my father was a Commander too... Just like I am now.
... This feels... great... Just not being... 'lost'... in that regard anymore. We spent a good portion of the day, Alexis and I... just at the party. She seemed to have enjoyed herself, so that was nice... A nice breakaway from everything, I guess. But yeah... Eventually, we had to go... couldn't spend the entire day there after all, so... I said goodbye. Gave them all a hug, but my sister didn't say a single word to me. Meh... Oh well.
Though, before we left, my father wanted to see the ship I came in... So we walked back to the landing bay, just the three of us, and he got to see the Templar, and the new paint I had put on it... He liked it. Apparently he used to fly a Krait MK2 quite often back in his day. After we toured around a bit on the pad... he wished me goodbye again, and said he loved me... And that he was sorry they ever treated me like that. That he wishes he was the louder voice...
I didn't want to start crying again, so I just said it was okay... and gave him a hug... And yeah. Then we said our goodbyes and left... So... like I said... not as bad as I was expecting... but yeah. I was so... I guess you could say shocked, thinking about what had just happened, so I asked Alexis if she would like to fly the Phantom back... Again.
Oh, and actually... this weekend, Alexis said she'd like to go out with me and see if we could find some contracts in the local area to maybe get some money so she could buy her own Phantom. I agreed... apparently the pirate suppression game is strong around Misir - where the Solaris is - so... yeah. We could totally do that...
Anyway... Uhm... I need to go for now. Got some stuff to do and discuss related to Paladin Interstellar and Drake... so I should probably get that done... and I should probably talk to Alexis about her nightmares and... yeah. Lots to tackle at once... but yeah... Thanks for listening, I guess and... oh, uh... can I consider myself less of a screw-up now? Heh...
Okay, anyway... I think I'll wrap up this log. I should go get some rest... I'm really tired after all that... and I'm sure Alexis is too.
So... thanks... and I'll see ya around.
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Credit:
This story is only possible thanks to our squadron and community. Join TITAN Contractors, a diverse and talented squadron, and experience our custom lore and events. This logbook as well as associated images and story is property of TITAN Contractors, CMDR Radiumio. A special thank you to CMDR Alexis Bright for allowing me to use their character in the story!
INARA page here.