LOG #085 - Commander A. Adair - TITAN Contractors
29 Nov 2021Aurora Adair (Radiumio)
INITIATING ENCRYPTED CONNECTION. . .LOGIN USER: tconscmdr3283aa3307top
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W e l c o m e U s er
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Initiating voice-recording...
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LOG: #085
RECORDING TYPE: Personal Log LOG PUBLICISED
What does Log Publicised mean?
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
RECORDING LOCATION: T.O.C. Solaris (Drake-class Carrier, Q4V-40N)
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Hey. So, things have been going pretty well around here, actually. I don't really have much to talk about in terms of squadron news and stuff... Still suspended and all that. But, if I'm completely honest, I'm really enjoying the peace.
It's... giving me time to process things, I guess. Like rescuing Alexis or... recovering from that coma... the war against Paladin being won. Kinda makes it all kinda feels like a dream, y'know? Everything that has happened since I became SC... has been such a blur. And after Quinton's will was stolen... it got me thinking about it all over again. Why I was chosen to become the next SC after he died. Why he thought I was a suitable candidate to take on all this responsibility. I didn't even know him personally... we met once and shook hands after my team effectively won that CSF initiation, but that's it. The first and last time I saw him in person.
So it's not like he... knew me... Did he? I kind of tried diving into his background, but there's not much information that isn't already publicly known... though it's pretty tragic. His father was killed in a pirate raid... and he got to watch it happen. Mother died before he became a Pilots' Federation Commander too... so then apparently he created TITAN as some kind of outlet, I guess? I'm trying to avoid prying... but I had to seek out some information about his parents. There's not too much publicly available, but apparently his father, Adrien Marshall, used to be a Federal soldier, but got dishonourably discharged two years into his service. I couldn't find out why though.
Shortly after that, he worked as an AME specialist in Holo, where Quinton was born in 3280. Seems like it was round about this time his mother was dying to a terminal disease, that could've been cured by modern medicine... but they couldn't afford it at the time. So when his father was killed, Quinton tried to become a Commander, spending all he could on the program... and then his mother died a year before he got his license. After he got his license... he became a local bounty hunter in Holo and made a small name... then I guess he dabbled in mining or something, because that's what gave him the money to start TITAN, it seems.
And over time, it grew... More Commanders joined, divisions got established, it took off as a company. I guess things were finally looking good for him... and then, just like that... he was gone. 10th of July... explosion aboard his ship killed him. Terrorists... that EMBER cell from Hivemind. Planted a compact charge right under the pilot seat before he took off. They never even recovered a body - obviously. Half the bridge was gone. I still remember hearing the news over the CSF comms net at the time. Felt really conflicted... hurt. That we lost our own leader... and with him gone, there was just this void... that sure, maybe we could continue without him, but it'd never be the same.
Honestly... I never thought I'd be the one filling that void. It scared me when I learnt about the will, and him leaving the squadron to me - hell... it's still super daunting. But surely there had to be some kind of reason he made me the Squadron Commander, right? Ugh... I don't know. I can't come up with anything. I doubt my family even knows him... though I've seen them once in four years. We still don't really talk, even after that birthday party... and if anyone would've known Quinton, it'd probably be my father. He used to be a Commander. I would ask him... but that'd just be... weird. And out of the blue anyway...
So... as much as I think about it, I'm at a loss... and... the more I think about it, the more... fake... it all feels. Sometimes I just stare at my account, browsing the ships I have, the money... an entire damn fleet carrier. I kind of lie to myself... saying that it's all the squadron's stuff... but... it really isn't, is it? I don't mean for that to come off in a bad way, but... I can't believe I genuinely own all of this stuff. I guess it's... imposter syndrome, isn't it? To not feel deserving of this? That I don't feel like I can live up to the same achievements and experience he had to warrant my position?
[#$@!]... This is so complicated. Sorry. It's just... I try keep quiet about it, but some days I really feel like I'm not living up to who I am. That I'm not supposed to be here, or that I'm disappointing people by not living up to who I should be. I'm just glad people don't ask me about it much. I don't know what to say if someone asked me about my experiences or... how I earned my status, or whatever... because I just don't feel like it's mine... and it isn't really. I love what I do... but... Ugh. Nevermind. I'm rambling again, as always... way too much free time to think about all this.
Well, on a more positive note, I'm happy Alexis is back. Just... having her back after all this time, it's great. She got out of the medbay fairly recently, on the 25th, and... uhm... heh, she... had a bit of a... confrontation... with one of the guards outside my quarters. Forgot to tell them that she still has direct access to my quarters... and they almost arrested her for just opening the door. But, I guess it's nice to know that they don't take chances, and thankfully they didn't really hurt her either, so... yeah.
And we did have that conversation that I hoped we'd have... she didn't speak too much about what happened to her but... I got to apologize for being so harsh and... explain what's happened since she left. It's a little private what we spoke about, so I won't go into detail... but, I... I'm just glad she's alive. And I take back what I said about her... I should've been more tolerable.
Since then... we've just been hanging out, I guess. She's been doing her thing at the CSF training range, almost every day, and I did manage to get a contract for her, so once she passes an evaluation, she can work for CSF - legally. I think it'll be fun to see how that goes. Maybe she can even give them a few pointers... though I'd love to see her go up against Captain Griffith in target reflex training. That guy is really good at it.
Anyway... while Alexis has been doing her stuff in the training range, I've been doing my own thing. I haven't bothered with the blackbox yet, leaving it in my locker for now... I'll look at it when she's ready. Instead, I've been trying out the outfits I got as a gift, when I woke up from that coma... They're full sets, but I like mixing and matching, and there's these blue camo pants that fit so well with the blue jacket I wear often. I really like it... though by complete coincidence, I'm pretty sure it's the same design or brand as the one Isabella has. She wears the same quite often. So, if you're listening to this, Isa... we kinda match, by accident!
Oh, that reminds me of the movie night Thal was planning... and how Solix sent me like six boxes of... well, he called it 'goon', but it's just cheap boxed wine. Actually, I guess that's what it is. I'm not really a drinker, so I may or may not have had to search for the meaning... but, hey, the gesture is nice anyway. The six boxes aren't all for me, obviously... but he got them for all six of us, me, Isa, Thal, Connor, Sharales and Novus. Though, seriously, if you guys are listening, please come fetch your boxes. You're making me look like an alcoholic...
Actually, Connor already did pick his up. It was just a quick visit, but maybe it'll be something nice for him to try. The wine, that is. He said that, since he was dragged into Hivemind by his father, he's never been exposed much to this stuff. Sooo, I guess him mentioning that would've segued nicely into talking about his backstory, but he had the bright idea of fetching the box on duty, so he didn't have time to stick around and chat. Suppose we're leaving that up to the movie night, but honestly, I can't help but be curious. At one time, I might've considered him an enemy... but now he's one of us. Funny how things work.
Anyway... all that aside, I haven't been sitting around in my quarters. I did go out exploring today, just for a little bit, and I had some ships repainted and refitted too. The Templar's looking pretty nice now, so I took it out for a spin, and I'm liking the new look a lot to be honest. And, hey, apparently I'm also pretty good at finding beautiful vistas too. Found an amazing icy world... argon atmosphere and some volcanism too. It was nice to step outside the ship on an alien world again, for once. Take in the view... spend some alone time.
Something about it all is serenely peaceful... really refreshing. I like to have the company of others, but there's a special something about being alone, lightyears from humanity, being the first person to step foot on a planet. Just you and the void. It's amazing... and humbling, I guess.
But anyway, I should probably go do something with myself. Maybe not the best of ideas to sit around all day in my quarters, but I don't like bothering others just because I'm bored, y'know?
Ah, whatever. Maybe I'll go out and explore a bit more or... see if there's anything to be done aboard the carrier. Dunno. I'm sure I'll either figure it out or end up sleeping the day away again. Having free time is honestly a curse, I swear.
Anyway, until next time. Thanks.
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Credit:
This story is only possible thanks to our squadron and community. Join TITAN Contractors, a diverse and talented squadron, and experience our custom lore and events. This logbook as well as associated images and story is property of TITAN Contractors, CMDR Radiumio. A special thank you to CMDRs Alexis Bright, Isabella Levine, Thallia Thorn, SpectreKryik, Solix and Novus for allowing me to use their characters in the story!
INARA page here.