LOG #088 - Commander A. Adair - TITAN Contractors
11 Dec 2021Aurora Adair (Radiumio)
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Initiating voice-recording...
AUDIO RESYNTH: ON
LOG: #088
RECORDING TYPE: Personal Log LOG PUBLICISED
What does Log Publicised mean?
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
RECORDING LOCATION: Templar (Krait Phantom, TR-03X)
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... [#$@!]... I... I d-don't even know... how to start... talking about this... this is... kind of... out of the blue... so... I'm sorry...
... T-... they... just... they killed my father... the Crimson Venators. [#$@!]ing m-... murdered him in cold blood... today. The Federation is [#$@!]ing keeping quiet about... about the exact cause... and how it happened... but squadron security was able to tell me that it was an assassination... after my brother c-... called me... and broke the news...
... how else do I say this...
I'm just... I'm done. I honestly can't... I can't [#$@!]ING do this anymore...
He was the one [#$@!]ing person I cared about... the one person who understood me, I guess... and now he's just [#$@!]ing gone. Apparently... he w-... was a whistleblower, leaking 'sensitive information f-... from within the Federation'... they said. But he wouldn't... he wouldn't do that. He served them for years... so many medals and ceremonies... why would he go against them? I didn't... couldn't even [#$@!]ing say g-... goodbye... he's just... he's gone. The one supportive family member I had...
... my mom and my [#$@!%] sister... left messages... asking me to come home... but [#$@!] it. I just... I just want to be alone...
I feel partially... responsible... for what happened... if I didn't start that war with Paladin... the Crimson Venators might've never become prominent and learnt of the datapad... which led them... led them to him.
How, you might ask? W-well... apparently the datapad... the same one that had Quinton's w-... will on... the one that promoted me to SC... also had hidden data on... data we never really discovered... Why Quinton had it... I don't know... but... apparently the information within was related to the... to the Federation... all sourced from my father. I g-guess... I guess he was trying to expose something... I know he wouldn't turn against the navy... but we don't know what he was trying to accomplish... or why he shared it to Quinton... somehow...
And whatever it is... probably poses some kind... some kind of blackmail th-... threat to... to the Federation... so I guess... the Crimson Venators couldn't have... have someone else possessing the info... if they wanted any kind of leverage...
[#$@!]... I'm... I'm a mess... ugh...
... but I guess this is just how things go... straight down. Navarro... the Solaris attack, me cutting it close a few times too many... and now my [#$@!]ing father is dead. All of this is because of me...
Yeah. Go ahead. Say what you want, I don't [#$@!]ing care. "No, Aurora, you can't blame yourself"... "It's not your fault, Aurora"... It is. It [#$@!]ing is. Navarro wouldn't have happened if I didn't [#$@!]ing hide Drake's body... if I didn't start a war with Paladin... People wouldn't have got hurt if it wasn't for me. If I wasn't so [#$@!]ing selfish.
... I made the decision to resign as Squadron Commander... or at least I tried to. They... they don't want me to, and... I can't really do it without... selling the squadron...
I don't want that... but... I'm... I'm s-... so sorry... you guys deserve... better...
I don't know what I'm doing anymore... or what I'm... I'm saying. I just c-... can't stop crying... and I don't know where... wh... what do I do...? I'm tired... tired of hurting people... of pretending like I'm fine... that I know what I'm doing. I... I thought about it for... for the whole day... and I don't... I don't think I'm the right person... for this position. I can't handle... all the pressure... the power, responsibilities... and... the stress... knowing people rely on me... when... I can't... I can't be relied on...
I'm just back to being a nobody... Someone who has a fancy title that doesn't mean anything. And I just... run away... when I have issues. Lock everyone out... and hide it away. I just run away... every time... like I'm doing right now... sitting on some desolate planet in my suit... on the rear airlock of my Phantom... alone.
I'm... sorry. For ever thinking I could do this. For hurting people as I figured it out... almost getting them killed in the process... I never wanted to hurt any of you. I just want things... n-... normal... again... please...
...
... Still can't believe I... I'll never be able to talk to him again. I loved him... even though we'd only spoke once in... in f-... four years. He never even got to share his... his Commander stories and... I'll never get to... to see my dad's smile again. Those... wrinkles by his eyes... when he'd grin. Someone who was actua-... actually... p-... proud... of me... who understood...
... now it's gone...
I... just... I'd prefer if you... didn't come looking for me. For a... w-... while... please. I just... want to be alone, for now... But I just thought I'd... record this... to try say sorry... to everyone. For everything... again. I don't know what I'm going to do but... I'm... I'm not TITAN's leader anymore... as far as I'm concerned. I just hope someone better fills the spot... someone actually deserving of the role... not someone who got it off a stupid [#$@!]ing piece of paper...
... or this happens.
So... Bye... I guess. Not sure if... if this'll be the last time we talk but... I don't know... I don't really w-... want to return to the Solaris. I just need time... to myself, I guess...
I'm sorry...
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Credit:
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