LOG #106 - Commander A. Adair - TITAN Contractors
20 Apr 2022Aurora Adair (Radiumio)
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LOG: #106
RECORDING TYPE: Personal Log LOG PUBLICISED
What does Log Publicised mean?
In our squadron lore, these logbooks are not supposed to be publicly viewable by Commanders. However, in some circumstances, a log may be compromised OR publicised, allowing it to be considered publicly viewable - in this case, the information within can be used for story or discussion purposes in-character. Compromised implies the logbook has been leaked, whereas publicised means the logbook has been willingly released for story purposes.
RECORDING LOCATION: T.O.C. Solaris (Victory-class Carrier, Q4V-40N)
Hey, so...
Well, another log, another set of discoveries... or places visited. I haven't been exploring much myself, personally. I would, but I usually opt to just hang out with Isa or something... and then other things keep putting a damper on it, so...
Yeah. Guess I... just let stuff get to me too easily. But on the other hand, even after leaving the bubble, we really didn't... escape many of its issues. I'll talk about that a bit later in the log, I suppose.
Starting off on a more positive note... the trip is going smoothly. Last time I mentioned we stopped at the Collection of Wonders, and since then we've visited 8 new points of interest. After the Collection of Wonders, we visited a place called the 'Spear Thistle' nebula. Most of the nebulas we've visited directly on our route are caused by stellar remnants, so this 'Spear Thistle' nebula was... well, it was beautiful, actually. It all is but... I dunno. I gush over it all, haha.
Anyway, this particular nebula was centered around a black hole, and it was this really... wispy looking nebula, and it was purple too. Isa absolutely loved it, and... yeah. This trip is great and I... I think I've always been an explorer at heart. But... in the end, I wouldn't do this without her. Just having Isa around makes this all the more worth it. The company is nice... and she's really sweet, y'know...? Especially when... you're me and all this stuff is going on and you... you kinda feel helpless to stop it...
...
... honestly... maybe I... maybe I shouldn't really record this log right now. Trying to stay in good spirts but it's just... things keep happening. Stuff keeps kicking me down. I'm trying to... y'know, keep on moving, trying to see the good in the trip, trying to relax with Isa. I'm trying, but it's all the same in the end.
I can't keep faking that I'm not doing so great right now. I haven't been for... for [#$@!]ing forever. So I guess I might as well sit here and tell it to a logbook. Not sure if anyone reads these or particularly cares, but... y'know... whatever. Something happened on the Solaris two days ago. It seems like another cyberattack... only it wasn't exactly. Some riddle or... something. I guess. I don't really know because they won't tell me the full story. Just the usual, 'we're trying to keep you safe, Aurora!', or 'don't worry, Commander, it'll be under control soon'...
I'm not a [#$@!]ing child. I can see what's happening. I just so happen to see that yet again, everything that I care about, everything I love and hold close, the only things that actually keep me going, are all under threat... again. Again and again and again. I can't stop seeing it all around us, day after day. If the enemy can reach us out here, [#$@!] up our communications and then disappear without a trace, then what if they... what if they disrupt the Solaris and strand us?
Or if they [#$@!]ing come after the people I care about? Just because of me? Well, to that, sure. Fine. Maybe things would...
Maybe things would be better off without [recording section deleted]
[recording section deleted]
...
... I'm sorry. I'm... I'm not going to... to keep that in, that was wrong. Ughhh, [#$@!]. [#$@!].
It's...
I don't know what I'm doing right now.
Everything is just... so stressful. And I... I just... I don't have much to begin with. I have everything to lose and that's what I'm scared about. I've gotten so used to the... the 'civilian life', I guess, that I'm now just... totally dependent on it. On that good feeling of being wanted or whatever the [#$@!] it is. And these logs are the only way I can vent. Nobody comes hounding after me. Nobody says anything. Nobody actually cares. And...
I don't know if that's a good thing to want or not. I don't want to burden Isa with what I say. She already tries her best to help me, and she has to put up with my [#$@!] more than she should have to. I can't go out and just speak to other people, because only two people actually get me. Two people that actually understand how much everything hurts... sometimes.
[recording section deleted]
... Ugh. [#$@!]. Delete. I did the whole ranting thing again.
Okay... Uhm. Well.
... Let's piece it back together again. I'm trying my best to keep these logs positive. I just rant and rant and rant and it never helps. Nothing does. Everything is a temporary measure until it all comes back again. So I'm just going to move on and ignore it. Hope you can too. Sorry for... yeah. For that.
Sooo... okay, where was I? The Spear Thistle nebula. I mentioned a while back that I was worried Isa would fill up my camera drone with pictures... and, well, she hasn't yet but... let's just say she's making a good headstart on it. I haven't gone and checked them all, but I did pick out a few that I really liked. I had a holoframe made and placed in my room. It cycles between all the pictures I uploaded onto it every few minutes or so, and I think it's beautiful. Isa loves it... which I'm... I'm really happy about.
After the Spear Thistle nebula, we visited another system called 'Jo Ella's Flares'. Not sure where the name came from, because I couldn't find any resources online, but it was a pretty cool system. One black hole and three neutron stars, with one of the neutron stars orbiting super close to the black hole. Not much else to say other than it was stunning and scary at the same time.
It seems like this part of the trip has a fixation of neutron stars and black holes, though. The next POI was called 'The Crux', and while the arrival point of the system was a black hole, there were three neutron stars again, but this time locked into an extremely tight orbit. Two of the neutron stars orbited in a binary pair, while the other one orbited perpendicular to the others. If viewed at the right angle, it looked like a cross, so, there... a name I can understand.
There were other planets too... not like it was just those ones, but... hey, it was still cool.
After that, we visited systems like... uhm... G-... Gand... harvi? Gandharvi. It was similar to Rohini in the sense that it was one of those three original locations for the starports along the Colonia Connection Highway... if I got that right. I'm still reading most of this stuff off public databases, so...
It's quite amazing to see people out here, surviving and living, though. Again it's... truly a testament to how far we came. But, I digress. I'm sure people get tired of me being so philosophical or whatever.
Then... uh... after Gandharvi, we visited a place I could truly not even begin to understand. They called it the 'Death Spiral'. And... well, if you ever get a chance to go out there and see it, I'd recommend it. It's essentially this gas giant orbiting a white dwarf so close, that even ship safeties won't let you reach it. They say the planet should've been destroyed completely a long time ago, but... it's still there. Makes me wonder if... y'know... what if the system's haunted? Maybe that gas giant isn't there anymore.
I dunno. It's just odd. Though I guess the universe is full of things we don't - or can't - understand. So many anomalies or things we might never see. It's interesting.
After the 'Death Spiral', we visited more spirals, heading to a POI called 'A Dance of Spirals'. Again... neutron stars, white dwarves and one black hole, except they're all in binary pairs. Two neutrons, two white dwarves, 'dancing a spiral' around the black hole. Really cool. Oh, and there was a nebula providing the perfect backdrop in this system, too.
Then... after 'A Dance of Spirals'... we visited our 17th POI, called the 'Jade Ghost'. Another stellar remnant, but it was this... well... the color was jade. No real big surprise there. It was a lot more prominent than the other systems, I think. The sky all around us was a very distinct green. Jumping out to see the system from outside was also really awesome, but... yeah. Beautiful.
Just yesterday, we hit our 18th POI. The system was honestly nothing spectacular, just a black hole and four neutron stars, but it does mark out 4,000ly point away from Colonia. We've reportedly travelled... I'll copy the exact statistic... [:=18,229.50ly=:] from Misir, where the carriers usually stage. So... hey, almost there.
I'm excited... or trying to be excited. Just... yeah. Being completely honest... Isa is the only ray of light I have in this... dark storm right now. I'm scared it... it could be blocked out, I guess... then what else is there anymore?
... I don't know.
I... I... think I'll... just end this log here. Trying my b-best to keep... myself together but... maybe I should just... take a break from them, even. Just focusing on me and Isa, and this trip. Enjoying our time in Colonia when we get there. Something like that. Yeah.
So... I'm... uh... sorry, I guess... again.
... Yeah. Okay. Uh... well... see you around, I guess.
Bye.
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Credit:
This story is only possible thanks to our squadron and community. Join TITAN Contractors, a diverse and talented squadron, and experience our custom lore and events. This logbook as well as associated images and story is property of TITAN Contractors, CMDR Radiumio. A special thank you to CMDR Isabella Levine for allowing me to use their character in the story!
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