Cap Marky's log 0001 - Hello? Testing testing!
04 Aug 2019Mark Wahlblarg
[LOG BEGINS]Is this thing even on? Testing, TESTING... Piece of crap. Let's see, where's the damn manual... Nope, I don't speak Korean. Nor German. English, there we go. Ok, two green lights means... it's listening. Great!
[COF] Hi there... Uh. I'm Ma- Captain Mark Wahlblarg of the Independent Trading Ship "The Gambler II" reporting-Uh. Reporting here.
Uh. I don't know what to say. This is my first time making a log out of... anything, really. I think I'm not a very well versed man and this feels kind of stupid. Like a CEO on a fancy office, dictating a letter to some hot secretary but instead of that, it's just me, this rusty can, half a bag of re-hydrated beer and a TTY system with two stupid blinking lights.
Oh, and the nothingness of space. A shit ton of space.
Probably the best way of starting this thing is by introducing myself because... well, I'm super bored. I was given life in 3.269, born and raised in the Cohelo station, located in the Matet system; a sad collection of harsh, inhabitable rocks and an agricultural station with absolute zero strategic value to anyone except the Pilots Federation who regularly used us as training facility for guys and gals from every corner of the galaxy. I was born a farmer. Just a dumb kid working the hydroponic fields since I have memory. Ma and Pa are also farmers, still there in the old "Cohey", doing their things and still taking care of my brothers and sisters... but I'm not there anymore. The good Marky decided to "travel the cosmos for fortune and adventure" as Pa tends to write in his emails. God bless his heart.
I don't remember when but the idea of becoming a pilot struck my head hard one day. After a few weeks, I managed to sneak out of the plantation racks and went to the Federation's lobby to register as a trainee. The place was packed with Fed and Empire kids and no amount of cologne could make me pass as one of them, especially with fresh manure dripping from my work boots and pants. Hehehe, the receptionist's face was priceless! In any case, after a couple of winks, a few snarky remarks and a LOT of begging, I ended up doing the trials in a battered old Sidewinder with a faulty distributor and a nasty habit of dropping from Supercruise whenever it wanted. But, before I knew it, they said it was mine. Heh, funny thing, the ship was bigger than our family's assigned quarters! I couldn't believe my luck.
Hey there, CMDR Handsome!
Well, from that day onward my story gets really boring and standard: made some cash doing courtier jobs and brought a Cobra. Made some more cash and now I have an ASPX which is like my little flying mansion, complete with a garage and enough cargo hold to play a full 11 vs 11 game of soccer. But I'm getting tired of hauling cargo. I want something more... like exploring beyond the government's reach and maybe have a few planets named after me, who knows?
[FART NOISES]
Well, I'm getting pissy and biowaste waits for no man, as they say... Talk to you soon? Goodbye? End log?... oh, you gotta press this little butto-
[END OF LOG]