No wonder they went extinct.
04 Feb 2023Eli the Dangerous
To give my bigonitarian rescue ship some claws and teeth I was looking for some guardian weapons. Oh dear! That means you need to go to a guardian site and get blueprints (they're not blue!).If this is an example of how guardians shared information, it's no wonder they went extinct.
Imagine you have to go through this song-and-dance routine when you want to bake an apple pie and need the recipe. First you go to the attic, there you turn on the light. Then you go to the bathroom on the first floor and turn on the light. After that you need to go to the wine cellar, not for ingredients, just to turn on the light. Somewhere along the line you have to shoot a cupboard to get a springform to drop out. Then you continue turning on lights in the house to eventually put the springform in front of the TV which now suddenly turns on so you can scan it for the recipe.
And now you have the recipe for the stuffing, repeat several times to collect the entire recipe.
By the time you're done your family has expired from malnutrition.
It's only marginally shorter than the method Mr. Sagan describes for baking an apple pie.
To make it even better, nothing works except those guardian roomba's. And they shoot at my servie.
One thing I do know. Guardians had quantum computers. This only explains why I can't make copies of the blueprint I got (or rather: didn't get).
It's not in my nature to do the same thing over and over and expecting different results, in other words: I get bored easily, so I left the first ever guardian site I could see in daylight. I'll be back when I find a method to carpet-nuke the site from orbit and then descend like a vulture on a carcass to pick the site clean.
I guess I'll get some rails. Rails work on everybody.
And if I fly into a lone guardian survivor... I'll use those rails to thank them. The universe is a better place if you don't need Chris Ramsay just to bake a pie.