Diplomacy 101
16 Sep 2020JB Threepwood
I sat there, looking at all the stupid people with all their stupid faces. Listening to stupid words as they fell out of their stupid mouths.My faction relied on me to broker these kinds of deals. I was supposed to establish a ceasefire between the two of our organisations. So I sat there, listening to these dickheads from their backwater faction as they brayed and bragged about the glory of their petty, shitty little victories. I wore a fake smile as these inbred prats whittled on about how great they all were and how impressive their tedious victories were.
My faction was stretched thin at that time as we were at war in another system. We had to call a short truce so we'd only have to fight our current aggressors on the one front... as soon as we were done in the other system we would flood back in and vaporise the fucking lot of these scumbags.
I smiled and emptily applauded as they recounted unimpressive tales of past battles. My smile was hiding my burning urge to get the other war finished so we could get back and kill every last one of these condescending nauses.
"More, man! More!" bellowed 'Nightwing'... or 'Shadowblade'... or whatever his bullshit name was as he pointed to the bottles of expensive wine we'd put on the table. These low-level scumbags thought they were royalty if you dropped a bottle of posh wine in front of them. I smiled a plastic smile and gestured to Panza, my android copilot, to top up their glasses.
So much of my job these days had come down to these diplomatic meetings. I'm a smuggler at heart though I've got a history of fighting... but this sort of pandering crap was killing me. I did it because I knew I could get the best results for our faction... I could see the bigger picture.
I stood up as the other faction recounted yet another tale of daring escapades that bored me to my boots, I nodded and went to take a breather by the window. Panza stood up too, walked over and leant in. He only leant in because he'd seen humans do it, his robotic sensors would be able to hear me on the other side of the room.
"They're boiling my piss," I whispered to Panza as they patted each other on their backs again.
"Don't worry, boss, its only a temporary measure." I knew Panza was only saying it because he knew it was what I wanted to hear. He was right but that didn't mean I was happy about it.
I'd had to put up with these pillocks for an hour, trying to persuade them that a truce was the best way we could help each other. I knew they were too deluded to work out that we'd wage war on them once we were on a better footing.
Just as the rat-bastards were getting to the climax of their weird circle-jerk, Panza leant in again to speak to me.
"Just got news in about the war, Boss," Panza whispered, "The other gang have folded, the system's ours... the fleet's free to take these mugs down."
I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. I looked at the gaggle of shite as they banged back the bottle of pricey wine.
"Thank fuck for that," I sighed. I pulled the gun from my hip holster... Panza followed suit.
Our guns barked loudly as our bullets tore through the annoying representatives. Each chunk that Panza and I blew away released knots of tension out of my shoulders.
Once we were done the room was filled with the tinny smell of gunfire and blood. I inhaled a deep breath then slowly breathed out.
"Holy shit, Panza, I needed that," I said to my robot copilot.
"Yes, Boss," he replied as he walked over and picked up the remaining, unopened wine bottle from the table.
"Put that aboard The Cuckoo, mate. We'll save it for the next one."
Panza looked around the room then looked up at me.
"I guess this will save us the job of formally declaring war."