A Droning Freefall...
12 May 2020El_Guapo_Gaucho
Star Date: 11.05.3306Ship: “Night Cat” Custom Touring DBX
Location: EAFOTS….
Prompt: A Droning Freefall
Droning again, phasing in and out of sleeping and waking and I wonder where do I begin and where do the dreams end. I am beginning to think the light from the Class A stars have something to do with it - that stark white light rendering the darkness within me, helping me see what I have forgotten.
It began while fuel scooping; when dropping out of hyperspace jump, I have developed a systemic habit of gliding in close to the exclusion zone, this is far easier with the canopy facing the star so I rotate towards the star while finding optimum alignment, then scoop fuel while scanning the star system with a clear Discovery Scan honk. I have realised It is at this moment I keep getting lost in powerful flashes of memories; a droning free fall.
Honking snaps me out of that droning free fall - I start the DS scanner as I line myself up with the star - it feels like my eyes roll up and away as I see more and more of the things I can’t remember clearly - it’s about a 3 second delay and then that honk breaks me out of it. At first I thought I was just fantasising, I know I have been obsessed with these stars and they way they look, but now I am starting to see they have something for me - a message, something from my past which we have to bring to the present - the stars are working with me, helping me - the Class A stars are pushing me to become something new.
It worries me - is it all just Post Trauma Stress? All that reasoning from the psychoanalysis modules at MediTech; amnesia, a significant blow to the head, months in a coma - all these events add up to a confounded mind and sporadic memory, with capacity to fantasise. The fantasy, while unintended, is my brains way of trying to make sense of this mental schemata. These bits of sensory stimulus come from reality, but to make sense of them, a touch of fantasy.
Mental health is paramount when flying in solitude through deep space. MediTech recommends quality nutrition, consistent hygiene, regular social interaction and positive mindfulness, daily exercise and scheduled rest. Yep, that’s all easy to come by in a cramped space vessel hurtling between the stars. I have to wonder who comes up with this rubbish and passes it off as advanced medico learning...
More and more memories are flashing through me when I hit those stars - is there some science to it? That bright flash of blue & white light as I finish a hyperspace jump - those few seconds I see things which I am sure are me, my history, and not repeats of flatties - I am sure they are me. I say I see things, but I mean experience in full sensory stimuli - It is like I am no longer present in my body and it seems to take longer than the 3 seconds of my Discovery Scanners honk.
Today I was back at the medico bay on Robigo, we were celebrating, I had finally graduated to medico specialist and received my certification. I spared no expense in the celebrations with fresh fish, some local grown vegetables and a generous serving of liquor dusted with narcs and combat enhancers - Doctor Fyans mixed it in a beaker and called it a Soothis Soother. Jineafer, the acting nurse, had brought something delicious she called Star Cake. It was only the three of us, but they had been with me through the recovery and supported me with employment and then during my studies. I remember the flavours, the smells, I miss them…
I turned to tell Doctor Fyans to tell him what a great drink he had mixed up when his head exploded in a shower of laser fire, Jineafer fell down clutching her abdomen as she started to disintegrate into oblivion. I tripped backwards with the force of the explosion and looked up to see those eyes. Yellow. Feline. Hostile. And they know me.
I can never seem to get past that point of the memory. I know I managed to get out of there because I am here. I know something happened there but I am not sure that is how it happened because it seems like… a flatty, a dramatic action film from the Old Earth - I have been checking over them, the ones I have with me, but I cannot see a scene like that one in them. However I have relived that memory countless times during that droning free fall, and I am certain those shots were meant for me, but then the shooter just looked at me - why did the shooter hesitate. Why did they stop just to look at me? And the eyes - no-one as far as I know - has cat eyes - its like I am there but it is like I am watching it on a screen, I cannot make sense of it.
This laughable nightmare - The medico bay, the flash of laser-fire, the cat eyes, It feels real yet fanciful - but it does not add up. For example I bought this ship; from what I can tell its close to $15M in value, I have about $2M in credits in my account and I paid off my medical bills and entry and qualification for medico specialist training, combined that’s about another $30M - Yet I keep remembering I woke with only $1M in cash in my account - and that was only a couple of months before I left, at most. I am missing time from my memories and it worries me what that might mean.
Then it changes. The last time I saw the flash of memory, Doctor Fyans wasn’t there, the Acting Nurse Jineafer wasn’t there - only the shooter - and she wasn't holding a gun, but she was looking at me, into me, with eyes green like mine. And she was a she. And she was talking. She was shouting.
I don't want to write about it because when I do I am may be writing down a lie, a calumniation of my mind - But I need to find the truth. If I think about it too much, like now, it starts to hurt. I know I left in a hurry. I know something happened. My ship was ready when I got there, but I paid for something as I left - I think. It keeps swirling back and forth like a blur.
Thats the benefit of plotting a course. I don't have to worry about where I came from, just where I am going and making sure I get there. EAFOTS Star system. My first EAFOTS. It's an optimistic milestone since the final destination for this journey between Heart and Soul Nebulas is an EAFOTS system. I am looking forward to seeing the Heart and Soul Nebulas. Its pretty far out from the bubble so I may get lucky and find a deep space ship there for refuelling and in case I need any basic repairs. I think back over the last few days and weeks and notice the further out I have been travelling the less simple it has been to keep track of all this. This logbook is helping, but I am making an effort to systematise my behaviour. Plot, Jump, Scoop, Honk, Scan. The galaxy map plotter is showing 63 more jumps till my destination - halfway between the two nebulas. I wonder what I will find there. I have a nagging feeling I will find out more about me there, maybe thats where the MonteNegros have been hiding!
It was foolish of the staff at Meditech to try and make contact with the MonteNegros. It was even more foolish to broadcast I was a patient with them while I was in my coma. I am certain the assassin was there for me. What I don’t understand is why she didn’t gun me down when she had the chance. Vulnerable, full of Star Cake and Soothis Soother ... I should be a dead man.
