Entry 9, Civil War
15 Feb 2021Irishdavo
Logbook Entry 9, Cmdr IrishdavoAs mentioned in my previous entry, after finally finding a home for the squadron and our families, we were callously and short-sightedly attacked by another faction in the System. This attack could not go unanswered and my squadron and I are not renowned for turning the other cheek as it were, so we of course suited up, armed up and went to war, though soldiers we are not.
Battle raged for 3 full days, no respite, we initially fought the enemy to a standstill, and then towards defeat, Day 1 ended in a close victory, unfortunately for the Nationalists of Hip, that was as close as they got. Once we got our "eye in", as they say, we were unbeatable. Unending commitment from the squadron, and the tactical use of the Fleet Carrier, DILLIGAF, under the able command of Cmdr DingBatDave, we were able to rearm, refit and rejoin the fight within minutes and this unrelenting, overwhelming feat of arms led to a clear victory after day 2. A lot of practice went in to Wing flight, for pilots who were military trained we learned quickly, and the "practice" was with live Beams and Bullets...
Day 3 required more of the same and though we were tired and living on a knife edge, we again engaged the enemy wherever we could locate them. Low, Medium and High intensity zones were combed to find the enemy and no quarter was asked for, or given. They wanted this fight and we had to give it to them. The only way forward for us now was total victory.
This would be the reward for the cost paid by the squadron in ammunition, refits, fuel as well as the physical and emotional costs paid by each and every Commander who fought so gallantly...
Emerging victorious again after day 3 should have allowed the fireteams to relax, and we would have, had there not been so much to do to restore stability to the system after this conflict. We also had to ensure that the Nationalists had no platform from which to relaunch their offensive. This was done, again by tired pilots who chose not to enter any of the fleet armed services, either Empire or Federation. We found ourselves jumping in to our ships to find high value targets, trying to flee the system to spread deceit and hate once more in an effort to again mount a strike on us. We had to act like naval pilots, determined, brave, ruthless...
This brings me once more to the costs, not the financial, material costs associated with war, no, the other, unseen costs, that are paid by the pilots engaged in the fighting. Speaking only for myself now, I am an explorer, not a warrior, I chose not the enter the naval academy, I chose independence and the cosmos to pledge my allegiance to, not a Federation or an Empire! I have no desire to fight, attack and kill others. Being forced in to this conflict made me look at who I am and how I view the galaxy and my own place in it. Truth be told, I am disappointed with how readily I dropped those morals and waded into the fray... I know can justify it with lines like, my duty was to fight, I owed it to my comrades to stand with them, one should not be bullied, but this is all nonsense. Truth is, I ended up enjoying the fight, I enjoyed the fear that it brought out in me and I also enjoyed the feeling of victory... I looked for targets with ruthless efficiency initially because I had to but in the end, it was because I wanted to.
I must learn to deal with this now, I feel like I am less now, like I am not whole anymore. I guess this is what it is like to lose one's soul...
The question is now, how I can get it back? or even if that is possible...
Go n'eiri libh