Chapter 14. Motivation
19 Oct 2020Black Llama
October 16, 3306Jameson Memorial, Shinrarta Dezhra system
There were only a few people in the bar at that hour, and the lighting was kept at a minimum. I made a sign to call the bartender's attention: "Another Old Sol double, please, and something for my friend here" I said, pointing at the man sitting to my left, on the other side of the bar's corner.
The man waved his hand. "Thanks, but I don't need anything else" he said to the bartender in a soft, firm voice. He then turned to me: "You were saying." I was sitting under one of the lights, and he was just outside the cone of light, half hidden in the shadow.
"So we were thick as thieves, as the old Earth saying goes. First she was an annoying kid. Then we grew up, shared chores on the farm, computer games and such. When you have to spend three hours cleaning the gunk from a hydroponics bank, it really helps when you have someone to talk to." A pause as the bartender placed my next drink in front of me. "And then, well then we grew up some more." I took up the glass and stared at the reflection of the dim ceiling lights on the ice cubes. "You know, hormones kick in, you start thinking things differently." The man nodded but remained silent.
I continued: "But I said nothing back then, don't know why - guess I was a coward. Then her father dies, and she says she has no reason to spend another hour on that damn planet, then before I know it, she's gone."
"Didn't you go after her?" the man asked.
"I wanted to" I said, "but my dad had just lost a hand in a freak accident. We were a small operation, y' know. Always understaffed. Papá said I should hang on until he could get his replacement fitted. Which never came - eventually I built one for him." I gulped down my drink. "It's not fair, I think. Carajo. The things I care about either get destroyed, or vanish into the black. But then, what's supposed to be fair? It's just a big, uncaring galaxy. You make your grand plans and bang, some bastard in an FDL puts a plasma round through your canopy."
"You really think so? That nothing counts?"
I stared at him angrily. "I met this girl, all energy and optimism, she thought she could make a difference. Now she's a frozen corpse floating somewhere in Eurybia. And I got the 'privilege' to tell that to her mother."
"You sound very angry."
"Le parece? She wanted to do good, in a way. I just wanted to make a profit, and gain some influence. You know what's worse? I could have stopped her. Or what if had gone with her? Perhaps..." I remained still, looking at my empty glass for a moment. "I'm going out into the black again" I continued. "I have an Anaconda, still needs outfitting but once I'm done, I'm out. To Colonia, perhaps. I need the alone time." I raised my hand to order another drink, but the man stood up and placed his hand on my shoulder. I noticed then that he was wearing a plain uniform, with small Alliance insignia.
"Look, if solitude brings you some peace, go for it. But I disagree with you. I don't think it's all for nothing. You can make it count."
I shook him away. "Save your propaganda for someone else."
He pointed at the Galnet screen on the wall: "Just think about it", he said with a slight smile, and left. I turned my head to read:
"Thargoid vessels detected in Alliance-controlled systems within the Witch Head Nebula. The Thargoids have reappeared in the Witch Head Nebula, and are swarming in large numbers through the Onoros, Lembass, Haki, Wellington and Shenve systems. Alliance officials have put out an urgent call for assistance, asking all independent combat pilots and anti-xeno squadrons to come to the defence of the threatened systems."