Likedeeler Guide to the Galaxy
17 Jun 2017Serge Alpenmilch
ALLtours Magazin 3303
No money for a ticket to Colonia? No booking for Beagle Point? A virtual vacation again?
Don´t worry: Beautiful destinations are often only a few Lightyears away and can be comfortably apporached by your own vehicle without the hassle of bookings.
Today, we would like to introduce you to the Michel system and its charming surroundings!
Throughout the Universe, the Likedeelers (President Hudson, "These sons of B'!"§$%s ) rise have been hotly debated, how they could become one of the twenty most powerful factions of the galaxy.
ALLtours spoke exclusively this week with Caroline Sherman, the well-known manager of the properties of the Likedeeler. It is indisputable that she is an essential factor in the success of this grouping, some of whom claim that without Sherman 's ordering hand, most Likedeelers would delay their existence in licking condensed water from the rusty walls of a Zero-G-High-Security-Jail, rather than throw their pinch with full hands in doubtful places.
That is why Sherman, who has just been called "The Karo" by her Likedeelers, has now launched an initiative to expand economic success. The "Likedeelers guide to the galaxy" is intended to generate legal income, which in the end benefits all stakeholders. For this, the special advantages of the properties of the Likedeeler around the system Michel are praised. Rumours, that this is all only about money laundering constructions, are decidedly denied by the Likedeelers.
Travel coordinator Logan Berger exclusively told us her secret tips.
In the following you will find a selection of the advantages of the Likedeeler Lands, to which she would like to make this new tourist guide curious:
Note: This is written down by a stupid german Person, learned his english on a greek construction site, so sorry for the abuse of your language. Blame Google translator, if you like! Still, it is work in progress. If you are able to help, you are very welcome. Here is the original german version.
http://inara.cz/cmdr-logbook/25788/18728/
Michel
Special feature: home of the Likedeeler. Museum of prehistory and early history of the FC St. Pauli Soccer Team.
Specialties: Likedeeler Urquelle. Special filling of the Astra brewery.
Michel-Chilli (Michilli). The only rule for cooking: The pot must never be empty, but is filled daily with any fresh ingredients.
Sight: The floating shards of Schute
After the week-long initiation ceremonies of the first Shute Orbital station (called Schute), which had been conquered by the Likedeelers, it was decided to release the atmosphere from the newly gained station to facilitate the cleaning work (some party participants are missing since then).
Thus, a unique monument of this venerable event happened by chance.
The caps and bottles, glittering in the sunlight of the star Michel, formed in an eternal orbit with crisp crumbs and tobacco stumps stalls as a ring around the station are one of the many attractions of the Michel system.
In the case of all artistic genius, it must not be overlooked that the equivalent value of the empties simultaneously represents the iron financial reserve of the Likedeeler (see: Fort Deposit).
ALLtours Tip: In the attempt to empty the famous Störtebeker Humpen in one sip, last year alone seven tourists drowned!
Herti
Characteristic: Desinger Outlet, household goods in Ahnert-Rolfs-Port
Specialty: Cheap junk food
"KRK" (Kitsch, Ramsch & Krempel). This electrifying name is borne by the chain of stores owned by the legendary entrepreneur Rohlf Ahnert, the bearer of the golden slit ore order of the Galactic Chamber of Commerce and Industry. Bargain hunters from the entire galaxy find their mecca in Herti. No matter if transparent 0.9999 credit carpets or child-sewn bags made of genuine Thargoid-leather, here you will find them!
ALLtours Tip: Please note that plastic bags dispensed in Zero-G shopping centers are not suitable for regular gravitational forces!
Bipek
Attractions: Bathing paradise and fishing
Specialty: Glasdorsch Bipeker type in dill sauce
Foto: Fresh Glasdorsch is a delicacy popular among courageous fish lovers
The water world of Bipek is one of those holiday paradise whose pictures could be found on the walls of every travel agency if they had only a beach.
Nevertheless, this planet with its mild climate provides unlimited water sports for the whole family.
The submarine fauna is still largely unexplored and full of secrets, became clear last season, when a full Beluga passenger aircraft was suddenly engulfed by a jumping, unknown sea snake species with one bite.
ALLtours Tip: The seahorses must only be fed with the flat hand!
Garrinbatz
Special feature: The "Golden Wall" of the luxury district (officially "Antifiscal Protection Wall" ) and children paradies (free entry) in Common Enterprise
Specialty: Garrinbatz from Halsvoll (XXL Chewing Gum)
Photo: Garrinbatzen in the child's version (5 kg)
High security, balloons and no names at the mailboxes. This is Common Enterprise, the retreat of the rich and fair, who place little value on a regular audit by the financial authorities. For this reason, the technique of the four-dimensional book-keeping system was also invented by resourceful lawyers in so-called tasseractfolders. The possibility of temporarily over-capitalizing assets to non-taxable minors has led to the highest amusement park density in the entire universe.
ALLtours Tip: Before consuming Garrinbatzen note the instruction leaflet, but do not sign anything!
Singheinau
Characteristic: Adult entertainment area in Perlmutter Point
Specialty: Heinauer Boot (Alcoholic Drink)
Photo: We can not remember that at all
The "Mile of sins in Singheinau" at Perlmutter Point is undoubtedly one of the most famous and notorious attractions of the universe.
We can not tell you much about this, because the rule is: "What is sung in Hainau, stays in Hainau!" Briefly, we had a lot of fun. We believe in any case, because the popular "Hainauer boot" is also used by dream therapists to eradicate memories reliably from the memory. This is why the rule: "Who can remember, was not there!"
It is often forgotten that the renowned "Singheinau Institute for Applied and Ugly Skin Remedies" (SIAUSR) is one of the most advanced of its kind.
ALLtours Tip: There are generous credit lines offered by resident credit institutions, such as the Perlmutter Genossenschaftsbank & Komplizen. However, these should be repayed on time, in order to avoid a sudden pressure drop in the borrower's residence.
Yuqiyala und Yemotwa
Special feature: Retreat for those who do not want to be found for a while.
Specialty: New papers and identities. Some fast-food chains offer complete surgical holo-I changes while waiting for the menu (HappyFaceMeal).
Speaking: "He just had to go to Ypsilon" means: We will not see the face again.
ALLtours Tip: Do not ask questions!
Dhan
Special feature: A popular retirement place with a traffic-calmed pedestrian zone in Kidd Station, a wide range of high-quality bobbin lace and oilpaintings of the Dhan-Deer. The largest individual consumer of caned milk in the southern area of Sol.
Specialty: Dhaner coffee roasting and filled drillworms (baking specialty)
Lavender air and lace doilies. Kidd Station in Dahn is well-kept for well-maintained park benches, carefully swept flight approach paths, prescribed cat flaps at all airlocks, high pharmacy density, a lively tooth exchange market, if necessary, a soundproofed use of arms to protect resting time.
Somewhat confusing are the lawn mower noise from 5.30 clock in the morning, because there is no grass on the entire station.
ALLtours Tip: The heating ceilings available in many places require 380 Volt three-phase current!
Iptet
Dynamic economic and financial center of the Likedeeler-Yuppies
Specialty: luxury watches from the renowned brand Iptet. Also: Dom Villarceau Champanger
Attractions: High-Gravity 18-hole golf course with a total area of 14 square meters.
Although most Likedeelers do not look like this at first glance, many of them are among the most prestigious elite brokers in the galaxy. This is all the more surprising since a good number of these successful experts understand the basic disciplines of math as a challenge, and their economic analysis is essentially limited to the method of bottle rotate .
The persistent, tremendous growth of the economy of the Likedeeler has convinced economists that the Likedeeler could be the first people in the history of mankind who fully understood capitalism.
ALLtours Tip: Several stock market gurus reportedly put this quarter successfully on exorbitant returns due to massive investment in tarot cards.
Kumbardin
Characteristic: Rustic charm. Budget accommodation in Maanen Beacon (tip: ask for the necessary immunization before arrive).
Sightseeing: The only known wooden airlocks in regular operation. Also: mosaic work and graffiti art of the sobering cells.
Specialty: Kumbardin potato dumplings in the traditional zinc bowl.
The Operators dispenses, that all essential casing components are sealed with tissue tape!
Kumbardin is a favorite tourist destination for romantic Likedeelers, who claim to be put back immediately to their youth time in the youth prison or other correctional institutions.
ALLtours Tip: Note the products of the highly developed soap carving craft.
HIP 277
Special feature: The Saagan platform, originally conceived as an agricultural research institute, is today a popular destination for youngsters in a festive atmosphere (Yo! Walk steeply and cheaply off the HIP plate!).
Specialty: TOsevenTYseven. Cheap "vodka" brand, originally designed on the station as an insecticide (TO7-TY7 or short TOTY).
After the galaxy's ban on this product by the environmental protection authorities, the highly qualified scientists threatened to go bankrupt.
Due to high disposal costs it was decided to leave the substance diluted for consumption. This brought the spectacular turnaround to the insolvent station, which before this had just kept the station going by accepting the Sanifair ticket as an official payment.
The supposedly even cheaper use of the TOTY concentrate has to be discouraged because this results in the immediate loss of all internal organs.
ALLtours Tip: There is a rumor among the Teenagers, that escaped test animals live in the public transport stations of Saagan platform. Two meter-sized, so-called Saagerlaken are supposedly at first unobtrusively ask for a cigarette and then bite the younglings head off. These are, of course, only legends, but keep your eyes open.
HR 9001
Special feature: steel construction in the historical style
Specialty: sausage and meat lettuce of all kinds (Bratwurstring 9001, Ahle HR, breakfast steak, dessert meatballs, minced pizza)
After a slaughter in the armed conflict with the responsible health authorities threatened the butchers guild of the Hessian Schwalm-Eder-District in 3274, they decided to pack up their cutters and search for freedom without "best before" date in the depths of the universe.
There was a new home in the system HR 9001, a constitution (article 1: the content of our Worscht remains unknown!) and established a bloom of the butcher trade, which is second to none.
Fox Survey is exceptionally well armed for a station of this size. This has historical reasons: In 3280 a considerable fleet of militant animal rights activists attempted to destroy the station (see: The Battle of the Butchers). The attacking troops, which were largely recruited from students of the social sciences, were able, with their numerous, parents-financed ships, to put an lockdown to the station.
However, the defending craftsmen finally succeeded in completely crushing this protest movement by a successful surprise attack on the Tactics General Assembly of the Vegans.
It is assumed that this is quite literally, because of the irritating fact that after the war neither prisoners nor mortal remains of the inferior animal friends were handed over to their relatives.
At a historical press conference, the Obermeister of the Metzgereifachverband gave the comment on demand: "We can do something from every challenge!"
ALLtours Tip: Even if pets are welcome on the station, prefer to keep a watchful eye on your favorites.
Raijuhan Yi
Specialties: In zero gravity casted "Yin"
High-priced Omni malt whiskey, Spacerum, bottled on Hansen Vision
Originally a Hillbilly enclave, which used rebuilt fuelscoops to manufacture tax-free Moonshine, Raijuhan Yi is now a connoined producer of very fine spirits.
ALLtours Tip: In addition, Mattei Hub is one of the best liver transplant centers in the region. Look for the "two for one" deals!
HIP 118127
Specialties: Irish Quarter on Keldysh Station; Bono Archive library for comics, advertising and adult literature
Specialties: Guinness Coriolis Lager, Keldysh Stew
Keldysh Station, commonly called the Shamrock or "The Green Fairy", is the cultural center of the region. At first the visitor is reminded of the unusual construction, because some old station parts are made of natural stone. Then you can see the seemingly endless number of small pubs and tattooshops. Many Likedeelers wear tattoos, which they have drawn on this station, partly against their will.
Dance, street artists, alcohol and music are the order of the day and night. The responsible office was burnt down by an angry mob in the conflict around the beer times to the ground walls. The monthly "Reading for Beer" final exits in the "Austerbar" are a major event, on the dates of which the accommodations have to be booked in advance for several decades.
A visit to Roddenberry Enterprise with a 3D memorial photo next to the diamond-studded Shatner statue should not be forgotten when you visit this system. The merchandise items are however hopelessly overpriced. If they are lucky, a "convention" takes place there, for which the famous heroes are thawed at irregular intervals.
ALLtour tip: You are ordered to smoke in many places!
Machimi
Specificity: Genetic research facilities on Skiff Relay with liberal views
Specialty: Machimi Chicken Madras
Some claim that these so-called scientists are a bunch of crazy Onionhead pots that accidentally came to a charge of white coats, so they gaining access to the high-security laboratories. Prof. Zarck, the Serene, replied to ALLtours exclusively on these accusations:
"Yo man, real now? We make the fierce science here, man! Only full the totally correct stress stuff, yeah! I'm mean, I am not a blowfish, yeeeah blowfishing this up, see? Chill and take some n 'chicken legs, that'll take you down, man. Eat it, yo. It´s superlecker, I made it myself, you know."
ALLtours Tip: If you are not too much in love with yourself: Try to leave as few hair follicles and skin tissue as you can!
Njangari
Attractions: Gambling
Specialties: camera surveillance, accidents, Njangari leather saddles (Rare Good)
Admittedly, Lee Hub is pretty far out in nowhere. The glittering world of the casinos seems to be all the more glamorous once you are docked. By the way: already with the allocation of the Landingpadnumber you automatically participate in a raffle!
Nevertheless, it should not be concealed that the cheerful "operation" tables, the tense "connect4" tournaments, next to "Qwirkle" and dramatic "Hoot Owl Hoot!" Rounds have already ruined many existences.
The shady backyard playlists are supposed to be the most effective. There, they can not only lose their house and yard, but they can also use skin and hair when head and collar are already lost.
Professional gamers here draw unsuspecting players in hard-hitting Mau-Mau rounds literally the fur over their ears. Perhaps that is why Lee Hub is also famous for his Rare Good of finest leather goods.
AlltoursTipp: Leave all your credit cards and life partners at home!
Zagor
Special features: quality tools and hand machines from the renowned Zagor brand from Mayer Dock. Also known by the popular Zagor-Man and the slogan: "Zagor tools - torque like Sagitarius A!"
ALLtours Tip: Zagor also produces electric toothbrushes. Be sure to switch to slow speed!
Zi Gou Wu
Special: Jewelery discount in Christy Dock.
Photo: We did not dare to ask what this is good for.
Who has not already looked with admiring envy at an anaconda parked in front of the ice-cream parlor and upgraded with dental gold?
The "Golden Wu" makes it possible. Trained plumbers and blacksmiths from the region offer tempting offers not only to friends of intimate jewelery.
ALLtours Tip: Magnets are illegal on the entire station.
Hip 118210
Dr. Furukawa's ammonia pasties, which are produced by means of strictly secret procedures on the ammonia world of HIP 118210, are extremely popular throughout the galaxy. On the one hand, this may be due to the aphrodisiac effect attributed to them, on the other hand the fact that these pills color the lips blue. This effect, however, just like the afore mentioned one, decreases after only a few months.
Advertising slogan: Just feel blues!
In the 90s, the 34 Century Furukawa produced well-known, low-cost holo-soaps with the ample proceeds from the "cough-sweet" sale and for advertising purposes with more or less skilful product placement (see: Beverly Hip 118210, Hello Eccy, 210 Jump Street), whose "action" can be explained only by the effect of the "salmiac pastilles".
Nowadays Hip 118210 is especially famous for its Trinity.xRp Conservatorium for Classic Black Music (TCCBM-Motto: Audio! Video! Disco!).
Reggae, Soul, Disco, Funk u.v.m. Are taught and lived here in every way. If they are lucky, the governor himself puts one of his spontaneous and famous James Brown performances on the floor.
ALLtours Tip: If you call them to a Moonwalk, they do not need a space suit.
Helgoland
After a good night in January 3303, the LIKEDEELER decided to take the leap to Colonia to set up their counter there, only to be able to carry the abbreviation [LoMaC], LIKEDEELER OF MICHEL AND COLONIA. What followed from this Schnapsidee is the history of the universe, one of the most grand activities ever undertaken by alcoholics. LIKEDEELER pilots, your friends and their allies from the UGC and the EOT managed to hunt thousands of tons of hated travel guides to Colonia. A number of pilots helped by buying the goods at their own expense to load them into the freighter. And the happiness is obviously not always only with the best: The Likedeeler actually captured a tribal seat in the far Colonia.
Photo: Liquid nitrogen in the evening light
The "unload" in Stoertebeker Dock is considered a memorable experience among travelers. We do not want to tell too much, but if you want to be grapped again after the lonely approach ...
Although only recently inhabited, the Colonia region appears to have its own dialect. The music bands Höhner (Viva Colonia) and Bap (Damned far away) may be among the most popular musicians. Some linguists, on the other hand, claim that the long journey through the influence of alcohol has demolished the language center of the inhabitants.
ALLtours Tip: The beer is served here exclusively in test tubes, is the subject of lively debates.
HIP 117883
Special features: Dove farming is also permitted on Zero-G stations. Greetings at any time of the day: Hömma!
Specialty: Marzipan potatoes.
Hip 117883 is a mining system with special charm. The mates are cordial, the food solid and the surroundings are simpel. The company Lakoon Spaceways (formerly Vauxhall Opel) still obtains all the raw sheets for its production from this system. Unfortunately, there is always criticism of the quality, possibly because the buddies use the blast furnace also for the production of their favorite traditional marzipan potatoes. A certain mixing of the basic components can therefore not be ruled out. Therefore, the following can be found on all products of the system: May contain traces of almond / titanium alloys.
Photo: Here the hot marzipan mass with 2000 degrees leaves the blast furnace.
ALLtours Tip: VfL Borussia Pogson or FC Rot-Weiss All 04 is the question, which must first be answered by new arrivals.
Fidenses
Special feature: Ekkupunktur: A spaceship is here understood by traditionally oriented Dello engineers holistically in its becomingness. For a defective landing gear for example the cargo hatch is treated with small screws and, if necessary, homeopathic beer liquid is rubbed on the headlights. In any case, the gentle handling of the ship is at the forefront, but this does not seem to apply to the owner's purse.
All documents are available in Senzar, Plattdeutsch and Klingon.
Specialties: Pasta with Meatballs, Flaschbier, Squid, Tass Kaff and Gimpkuchen to Anagrom Ataf Art.
For just as little comprehensible reasons as in the case of Jerusalem, some of the most influential religions of the galaxy Fidenses have chosen as their spiritual center.
Photo: This imposing ceiling painting welcomes the arrivals in the luggage issue.
First of all there are, of course, the followers of the invisible, flying spaghettimonster, who, with their promise of a beer vulkans, have made many Likedeelers into convinced supporters. In addition, the malty ones of Renrew should be mentioned, with their holy writing "Alles klar?" and a proud millennial tradition in which they waited for their master's return and still waiting.
Of course there was, as always if faith, love, hope is in the game, here also fierce wars with abundant dead from pure, silly arrogance. However, the trailers of Renrew for example no longer insists that a beer, that has not been opened with a raw egg, is a sin and violates their religious feelings. In the Dhawan Treaty, it was stated that, in the case of any unresolved religiously motivated assertion, the speaker must wear a party hat and a cardboard nose. Since then the number of hate preachers has declined enormously.
Excluded from this rule are the orange Trumpists, who claim that stupidity and ignorance are rewarded by the gods proportionally with influence and wealth. This movement can prove its theses with a striking empirical data base. Their traditional hairstyle, however, makes superfluous other preoccupied humiliations.
Even if the guys are fortunate enough to sleep most of the time: Prefer to avoid the path of the Cuthulhu freaks, which even in these religious circles as totally nuts. Some of them are intended to be e.g. Huge axes, no one knows what they are going to do with it.
ALLtours Tip: Just behind the golden Diamond Dome of modesty and moderation, you can visit the inconspicuous corrugated hut that contains the Dawkins Institute-for-reasonable-decent-thinking (DIRDT). Give the poor figures a few coins. They do not have it easy.
Hip 1173
Special features: Location of the Achitektur-Fakultät für angewandtes Stationsdesign. Experimental flat roof in the vacuum area.
Specialties: Gray concrete pudding on glass pane.
Photo: This image from the Universitätsmensa is not black and white. Gray is regarded as an eternal trend color among students.
If you want to pursue university studies in architecture and do not want to graduate as a Hauler taxidriver, you have to visit the elite facilities of Hip 1173. Clarity, equality and order are the maxim. The university chose this location because it considered the name Hip 1173 to be electrifying.
This University tries to teach the students, that less individuality means more freedom. This influence is due to the fact that practically all space stations of the universe return to as few archetypes as possible. Boredom is propagated here as the highest form of enjoyment, strictly according to the Mastermind Ludwig Mies van der Rohe: "Less is more!" Critics say that this may have been once a new and refreshing idea, but it has now been lasted for 1000 years.
The graduates of this faculty call themselves starchitects, but are generally not very welcome. This may be due to the fact that, unlike the unit cubes designed by them, they tend to absurd clothing. Maybe they need to compensate for something. Several political groupings have announced that the professors of this faculty are being turned against the wall for crimes against aesthetics after the revolution.
ALLtours Tip: Make sure you write down your room number, otherwise they will never be back!
Vaiunia
Special features: Ocelotmilk-Spa at the Wellness Institute of Schoenherr Terminal
Specialties: cucumber face salad, pickled metaalloy pearls
In order to keep Likedeelers life partners at a good pace, Viaunia has been expanded into a comprehensive wellness paradise, which provides for peace in the huts, while the pilots are scraping the fitness subscription fees for their loved ones in space. Of course, the Likedeeler pilots could also recover from their grueling journeys. However, most pay the fee as a kind of indulgence trade and prefer dodgy bars to convalescence. Also the advertising campaign especially tailored to the Likedeeler: "Tub instead of pub!" has changed nothing.
Photo: This 93 year old pilot is deeply relaxed.
ALLtours Tip: The Vaiunia skin cream developed here has such a rejuvenating effect that you get puberty acne in case of careless use and develops appetite for mother's milk in extreme cases of abuse.
Oranyayp
Special features: Vacuum operated wind turbines
Specialties: Cheese specialities with consciousness-expanding effect, cut flower tobacco
The inhabitants of Oranyayp are rightly considered to be the friendliest and most liberal citizens of the galaxy. Probably because they don't get a lot of visitors.
On the one hand, this may be due to the somewhat tedious journey, during which almost every traveler on the traffic route has to make the experience of being stuck behind a local adder who wants to cope with the 500,000 ls at a strict speed of 70 km/h. On the other hand, this is due to the lengthy journey time.
Noises and odours form an unmistakable texture in the stations of Oranyayp. The erratic noise is often explained by the residents' preference for homemade wooden shoes. This explanation doesn't really make much sense, because it is a Zero-G outpost. The reason why the locals like to communicate with ringing signals is also unknown.
The popular entertainment shows produced here also seem to many visitors to be just as bizarre. For example, what am I? where the guests have to try to distinguish local vegetables by taste, with great public participation.
Nevertheless, travellers who travel to Oranyayp often seek peace and quiet, e. g. before galaxy-wide sporting events, which are traditionally ignored here.
ALLtours tip: Drempel, canals guided in tubes and cyclists operating in weightlessness do not make moving around the station easy. If they stop for too long as pedestrians, they risk to be fixed with the infamous Parkkralle developed in Oranyayp for a fee.
To be continued....
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