BATTLE OF THE CHONKS
22 Jun 2020*_Atomsk_*
June 22nd, 3306
I was making my way back through the many hyperspace jumps it took for me to reach my destination. My brow was full of sweat. Partly from the 250 tons of diamonds in my cargo hold, partly from the weight of my questionable life decisions, and partly from the weight of the massive chonk that is my ship. Big Chungus...she was so faithful to me. I was reminiscing about my first few months with her when suddenly I spotted another ship in supercruise. "Another Type 10, like me" I thought. Perhaps it was another miner looking to sell their paydirt for the day. I had guessed wrong.
"The rumour was right...good thing I found you first", they said.
They all say that.
Why do they all say that?
I felt a great anger growing inside me. A great rage, stemming from the thought that this guy, this pirate, thought his chonkiness could compare to my own. I straightened out and reduced my throttle to zero. Didn't even fight the interdiction. Once we were back in normal space, I quickly sent out my trusty fighter pilot in her GU-97 and deployed hardpoints. I may be full of mining equipment but I still have my four class 3 overcharged multicannons.
This guy was gonna pay.
He was going to pay for flaunting his chonkiness, thinking it was superior to my own. I proceeded to unleash my own chonk.
"How can this be happening?" He screamed as he looked down at his heads-up display to see his shields offline and his hull already at 50% integrity, despite not even dropping my shields below 75%.
It was at that moment he realized just how spectacularly he screwed up. How arrogant he was to think he was the chonkiest pirate in the galaxy.
His last thoughts were of regret.
Regretting not marrying that sweet girl working at the fuel depot back home when he should. Maybe then he wouldn't have gotten mixed in with those pirate goons, or picked up that onionhead habit.
Maybe then he wouldn't have been so arrogant as to think he could master the CHONK. Nonetheless, tears streamed down his face as his canopy blows out and his Type 10 Defender is engulfed in a massive fireball...
I flew by his wreckage, partly to see if he had anything worth taking, partly to see the face of the arrogant bastard who thought he could out-chonk me. I managed to get a glimpse of his lifeless charred corpse as apparently his Remlok survival mask had cracked open. Maybe he suffocated before he was burnt to a crisp. Maybe he died instantly and his mask shattered afterwards. Who knows, all that matters is I get my own chonky boi to Maikoro to sell my payload. I became focused as I flew away.
"Friendship Drive Charging", Celeste said.
I thought nought about the inferior chonk. I only thought about my destination. That is, after all, the true meaning of the CHONK. To not worry about what is around you, just what is ahead of you. For this is the CHONKY way...