The Hodkin Chronicles Part 4: Drowning Sorrows
29 Dec 2016S. Hodkin
23rd November 3300 - 63 The Grange, Lanchester, Britannia, Homeland, Beta Hydri2200 GST
It's hard to recall the last time I was stood on terra firma before yesterday, no less than a couple of years by my reckoning, but I never thought I'd have pined for home as much as those three months in that medical facility. Nice to know that your original heart contains more shrapnel a broken sword, though the artificial one is no different to it on reflection.
The prosthetic arm has been very difficult to accept, not only having a limb that’s completely synthetic and the fact that my body could very easily go “Sod that!” at a moment’s notice, but the stigma really hasn’t helped matters. Some of the punters at the Rose now won’t come if I’m tending bar, don’t want to “be served by someone who could kill me if I say the wrong thing.” among other baseless prosthetophobia. Besides, it’s Navy constructed, so nothing uncouth within it, at least so far as I know..
On top of that, I still can't stop thinking about James, never does a loss of someone close hit you with more punch than when it's your own brother. What pains me more is that we were barely on speaking terms at the time of what happened in Rotanev, all over something as trivial as to who would take a lass to the Midsummer Ball. I was on the verge of apologising for what I said to him in the aftermath, and now it's too late to do it to his face - and to do so to a tree in the Naval Arboretum at Black Mausoleum doesn't have the same gravitas after all.
If I could lock away all of my feelings about everything that happened in June then by Gaia I would, it's too great a load for any one person to bear, as any psychiatrist will probably attest to, including the one I'm meant to be seeing in a few days. One could forgive my reservations, but they're justified when my greatest fear is that I'll never fly among the expanse of space again. Sure, I'm pretty messed up from what happened, but I’m sure that in time I can still fly a ship without losing it.
Or can't I?... Too much thinking, perhaps another nip of brandy will ease my worries..