HUMBLE SPACER 02 NOV 3306 (liquid business)
03 Nov 2020Igli
Shiny metal, gleaming glass, soft velvet and crystal lamps - all impeccably clean - thanks to the maid that I had to hire to keep my top-notch cruise liner in a perfect condition. Her salary is top-tier, too. In fact it is one of the largest items of expenditure in my passenger transportation venture - second only to liquor costs.I purchase vodka by cubic meters. Most passengers are epic drunkards. As soon as the ship clears a port one is guaranteed to meet a couple or more human bodies swaying through the corridors looking for a toilet room. "I'm soooo afraid of hyperjumps!" - they say. "One drink to the courage". "One more and I'm brave enough to repeat the trip." "Repeat." "Rppt..."
It's unfair to consider them all alike. No, they differ in the ways of indulging their rueful habit. Secretive passengers lock themselves up in utility closets sometimes. Laid-back passengers sometimes lie on their stomachs. Law-abiding ones are the worst of all. When filled up they begin to look for violations of passenger transportation standards and norms. Mostly they want feminine medical nurses to take care of their intoxicated selves. I simply can't tell what wanted passengers do to each other... What a shame.
Once a shady character came up to me in a fashionable space port: "Captain," - he said - "I can professionally install a hidden video recording equipment in the VIP cabins of your fine yacht..." Scumbag! I chased him away - almost succumbed to an urge to beat him up for the audacity. Fool! I can easily install hidden cameras myself. No big deal.
It's hard work - running a solid passenger transportation business. Though I much dislike it, I'm still obliged to inspect the ship bar often, it's the captain's duty after all. I have to check that everything is in order: glasses are clean, bottles are at the ready and no bar fights are brewing. I usually take a shot during such patrols. Or two. Sometimes three, but then the barmaid kicks me out.
It is stated in her contract: she has to keep me away from the bar and she's paid extra for that. She says I wrote that paragraph myself. I swear I don't remember putting such idiotic condition into the paper! I can perfectly control myself all the time. I don't need a babysitter no matter how pretty she is. Yes, she is.
Damn, she is an expensive one!