... but a lot of things still can.
29 Jan 2022Lily Flemmon
Reorte.Honestly it seems really dumb that Edmund Mahon hasn't ordered Sirius out of the system, or at least increased Alliance presence to make sure Sirius holds to their promises to keep to their megaship, which they're breaking as far as I'm concerned now that the war is system-wide. Sirius is definitely good at deploying quickly, and also good at pissing people off quickly.
"The pen is mightier than the sword" is one interesting concept, because in many situations- unfortunately many- the pen still relies on the sword. And so far it looks like the sword isn't being too reliable, since Sirius is losing by a landslide. And speaking of land, this war isn't even surface-based at all. I'm not fit for the front lines in the air. I rely on creativity and guile to overcome enemies, and in space there's nothing to hide behind, nothing around me to use to my advantage. Give me a battle in the collision of two asteroid fields and I could take on a whole fleet, but put me in open space? I don't even have gravity or a planet surface to use to my advantage.
But I could still do my part to drive out Sirius by providing ship-to-ship combat support, except... I'm not in the right mindset to do it. I'm tired, I need to rest, and... I needed to go back home.
I got back to Chilton Terminal, changed out of my hardsuit before I even got off the ship, and got on the tram to head to my quarters. As I was riding the tram, I felt an emptiness next to me, and I remembered the last time I rode this tram after returning from the Philosopher's Respite... with Phoenix next to me. I remembered the warmth of their arms around me, the gentle comfort of their head on my shoulder, the warm, beautifully infectious warmth felt by everyone else on the tram... I guess "Chilton's Flower" is a pretty fitting name for one I didn't choose.
But all I felt right now was the bit of emptiness next to me, slowly eating a hole in me. Why? Why is this getting to me so much? Is there something I've been hiding from myself? I started to get a bit scared, trying to figure out what this was... I pulled out my comms pad and pulled up my log, and I stopped after hearing my own voice say, "tell Phoenix I love them."
I played that bit again.
"Tell Phoenix I love them."
I realized Phoenix probably saw that log, and they heard me say that. They heard just how resigned I was, despite my confidence... and the only way they were sure I was still alive was the last part of the log that I wrote. It's infallible proof, given the way I treat personal security in a warzone of all places, but it still wouldn't have been reassuring.
The tram reached the ring hub station, and I stepped off, and after a moment of being frozen in place, I slipped my comms pad into my back pocket and almost ran to the tram that would take me to Phoenix's place. I rode it impatiently, not even bothering to sit down. The minute it took to reach the ring, as the effective gravity approached 1G, felt like an hour. As soon as I got off the tram, I ran to Phoenix's apartment.
I got to the door, and rang the doorbell. No response.
I knocked. No response.
I started to panic. Checked the entry panel more closely- Phoenix was home, not somewhere else on the station.
I tried my personal entry code, and the panel rejected it. I panicked more. Phoenix, please be okay.
I had to think. I had to know they were okay. Come on, do I have any override codes?
I remembered I had one. Two-factor, high security, and for good reason- it's my access protocol for military-relevant data.
It was worth a shot. I pulled out my comms pad, entered the code, and approved it.
The pad immediately lit up with a small warning, and the door opened with frightening speed, much faster than I thought it could. I rushed in the room, and the lights were on, definitely set to day-cycle, and it was about noon here on the station. I heard something shift quietly in another room.
I barely heard the door as it closed slowly behind me. I reached for my hip instinctively, forgetting I'm in casual clothes, and ended up awkwardly bumping my comms pad against where my holster usually goes.
Damn, Lily. Relax.
I tried to calm myself, with only some success, and looked around- no sign of making breakfast? Hmm. That's not like Phoenix, unless...
I pocketed my comms pad and quietly opened Phoenix's bedroom door, and there they were, laying on the bed. In an uncomfortable position, wearing jeans, with the blanket barely even on the bed at all, and clearly they'd been tossing and turning all night... and morning. Oh, Phoenix.
I walked over and picked up the blanket, shaking it out to tuck them back in, and then I realized I should probably tuck myself in with them. So I did exactly that. They got into a more comfortable position next to me, and I gently moved their hair out of their face.
"Hey hun, you okay?" I said softly.
They immediately rolled over and hugged me tightly, whimpering slightly.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm right here." I wrapped my arms around them, running my fingers through their hair as they slowly started to wake up and breathe more evenly.
Once they were about half awake, they started using what sounded somewhat like words. "So worried... about you... Lily," or at least that's what I could make out of the sleepy mumbling.
We laid there together for a while, and I eventually realized I should probably get them out of bed, seeing how late it was already. Figured I'd do it gently, by cooking a particularly tasty-smelling breakfast. Phoenix was probably pretty hungry.
It's a bit to get used to, leading a dual life, both as a member of CTAC and as an independent strike commando, but it's wonderful to finally be fully myself in both roles. But for now, it's good to be home again... and it's good to have a home of my own to come back to.
I'll probably stay here for a while, focus more on CTAC things for a while. The conflict in Reorte will end however it will, and I'm going to try not to worry about it too much. Some things can't be helped... but a lot of things still can.