Pilgrimage
10 Apr 2022Lily Flemmon
1 Apr 3308 was an eventful day.First order of business was to help the CTAC Cuisinier pack up and get back to Chilton Terminal for a restock, and to get my Type-9 loaded with CTAC Premium Rations and a lot more supplies for the Cuisinier. I've put up the menu in my gallery here, for anyone curious.
I had a few hours in the rings, and I spent them dropping things off, picking things up, checking in on the labs, and, at about 1500h, I stopped by to see Phoenix. I got hugs, gave hugs, got dinner (delicious as always, thanks hun!), and then I helped them pack up and we headed to the Concourse. Phoenix and I walked into Pioneer Supplies and I bought them a grade 1 Artemis suit, which was a surprise to the vendor, but not to Phoenix, because we were headed to Colonia alongside the next mission of the Cuisinier, the second run of the 7 C's voyage led by my friend Igikaizen. The crew of the NSC Philosopher's Respite will be eating great food the whole way. And this time I'm going to talk to Rosa Dayette, since it seems like she'd benefit the most from having better food out there, with how big of a deal she makes of it.
And now we're on our way to Colonia, via some beautiful waypoints. Phoenix is surprisingly trustworthy in the cockpit of the Intrepid, so we've gotten to fly around a good bit. They're getting used to the G-forces pretty well, I'd say- but I made a very deliberate decision not to take them down to Via Gravitas. However, I wasn't even in the mood to fly when we got to Magnus Viridans, the glowing green gas giant in Blua Hypa HT-F d12-1226, but with the Respite in orbit around the point of interest, the view from the observation deck is beautiful- and I have Phoenix to thank for taking me up there to see it. It's been wonderful, I guess. It's a bit of "been here, done this," since I've been on this route before, but this time it's more of... a honeymoon? Not a honeymoon. But you get the idea, Phoenix's company has been wonderful.
The guest quarters I'm sharing with them on the carrier are lovely- well, they're regular guest quarters, but I get to share them with the loveliest person I've ever met, and with my personal reasons for going on this trip, there's nobody I'd rather have fall asleep in my arms every night. I... Fuck, I can't lie to myself, and to my readers like this. This journey has been beautiful, yes, but it's... it's been hard. Every night, Phoenix has woken me up from a nightmare, with me shaking and feeling a horrible aching tightness in my chest. They hold me as tight as they can, as if they're holding me together... because in those moments, I sure can't. But it's not getting worse each night, it's staying about at that level- I haven't woken up audibly screaming, and I'm managing to get a decent night's sleep every night. Although I have to admit, I have some unhealthy low standards when it comes to "a good night's sleep."
I talked to them today about it while we were looking out the observation deck at the glowing green bands on Magnus Viridans.
"Phoenix?"
"Yeah babe?"
"I know I've been a wreck on this trip, and you've been putting a lot of energy into helping me, I- are you holding up okay?"
"It's far from a perfect vacation, but sights like theses aren't why I agreed to go. I'm still fine, even though you aren't."
"You know you don't have to do this for me. We could get separate quarters if it'd help you enjoy the vacation more."
"I know."
"Maybe you should. I want you to be able to enjoy this."
"No I fucking shouldn't, Lily. You need me, and- and I need to help you, damn it! I can't let you hurt like this, not with how much I know I can help! I-" They were almost yelling, and almost crying, and their words were cut short by a sudden lump in their throat.
I looked out at the gas giant and it became a green glowing blur as tears welled up in my eyes. I felt myself go limp, like I had just given up on keeping myself composed and upright, and so I couldn't have resisted if I wanted to when Phoenix grabbed my arm and guided my head onto their lap.
When they spoke again, their voice was gentle and soothing, and I finally started to calm down. "Lily, this may be a vacation for me, but for you it's a pilgrimage. We'll be stopping in the system where you rescued all those people next, and while the other Commanders on the trip mine tritium to fuel the carriers, you have some memories to come to terms with. And I'll be right there with you in the cockpit when you do."
And I closed my eyes, feeling their gentle fingers running through my hair, ever so gently scratching my head... and for the first time in weeks, I finally felt able to relax. Any gods that be know I needed to, with where we're headed next.