Galnet underworld 2 - Choices
30 Jun 2016Howard, o Pato
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4625 kHzHoward, in its own way, until it is well organized. But I do not know how to leave things in order or how to put a sequence into something, I just do. I can not say for sure if I should start over here. I get divided into the following logic or instinct, and depending on the situation instinct ends up winning. So I would be to act even realizing I did not do such a choice? Or a shadow of myself that somehow made the choice knowing that I could not rationalize about it? And how to tell if I'm being instinctive or rational if I feel like I did not made a choice really?
And perhaps it was my incapability of taking decisions that has paralyzed me to see that flaming creature destroying the canopy Diamondback that day. I feel dizzy even now, when I remember. Like a helpless little girl waiting to be saved by her prince charming on the evil dragon. And he did. Howard, as a man who is, stood before the dragon to save me. Holding on to all the sufferings imposed on it, and his iron will, killed the dragon[1]. Or should I see him with a woman's eyes? I don't mean to sound childish.
I couldn't let that hand, large, manly, even though his arm was broken, I was afraid to let go, I realized when turned strangely with the weight, If I let go, he falls. Could not lose it. Covered in blood, he still looked at me through the red helmet, to see if I was okay. As I wanted him to look at me like that in calmer times. He had that look landlord, proud and determined, as if he knew all the truths of the world.
This has been noticeable in him, It is what makes him the controlled man who is. "This anguish will pass as soon as you talk" he told me, if contrary I would not be here now. That sense of relief to talk about their fears for someone, that's what he meant, he said I shouldn't be so quiet, that I shouldn't agree with everything, that I shouldn't keep things just for me because only hurt me. But I did not agree with these words, with this concept, even though he saying it would lead me to do "good" choices, and even though I got to agree, it was hard for me to accept. I was never to speak, the idea of opening me, it was definitely something that I could not accept.
And now I'm here, talking ...about me. Not what those words mean or why I need any relief. I chose not to accept this exposure based on my own choice, but believing in the person. What seems horrible to say, no other person does not convince me, only he. It may even be disgusting the fact to make a choice based on the person speaking, not on what was said.
If the choices are what define a person, my standards of choice makes me a worse person?
And if this is the person I really am, I can not deny that feeling.
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