The Sins of the Father
17 Dec 2016Jellicoe
Kira sent one of her personal shuttles to pick me up from the city, it was plush and luxurious but very much in the understated style of the Alliance. I poured myself a drink, watched the ocean flash by beneath us and thought once more on the bombshell she had dropped at our last meeting."You can meet your son." This was typical of Kira, no grand announcement, no fanfare it was just dropped into the conversation that for the past seven years I had had a child about whom I knew nothing. That was two days ago. A part of me was angry and resentful that she had made no effort to tell me, but the bigger part knew that I had only myself to blame. I had planned to be back in Alioth within a few weeks, but the weeks had stretched to months then to years, and when I signed up to do Hudson's' dirty work a trip to the heart of the Alliance, dodging Mahon's goons every step of the way had not seemed like a good idea and so Kira had faded to a memory. I had never intended to abandon her but I had done exactly that so no, I had no right whatsoever to be angry, the fault was mine, though the consequences were shared with a little boy who had never known his father.
I thought back to those days, what was I doing when my son was born, taking his first steps or speaking his first words? I had been out in space chasing credits or promotion or just excitement. 'You came out of the womb bored and now you want the galaxy to amuse you' Kira had told me, and she was right, even after I had joined Hudson's privateers I could have easily slipped through the net to Alioth, but there was always a mark to be taken down, a nest of pirates to be cleaned out or a campaign to be fought and the lure of adventure not to mention cold hard credits had always won out until Kira was just a part of my past, which is where she would have remained had fate not just intervened.
I looked out of the window again and saw rather than felt the plane decelerating and for the first time saw Kira's 'place in the country.' I had expected something similar to what I used to have on Epsilon Serpentis 6, a large house set in sizable grounds but this was of a different order entirely, it was a whole tropical island in which the house, or rather the palatial mansion, was built into the rock itself. The house was typically Kira, very utilitarian, very modern and very tasteful with clean, elegant lines set in perfectly sculpted and maintained gardens.
The pilot expertly set the plane down on the islands airstrip with barely a jolt and I strolled across to the small monorail car at the side of the runway where a man in an immaculate white uniform stood waiting.
"Mr Jellicoe?" He asked respectfully if rather pointlessly, I nodded. "Miss Gomez will receive you at the house sir, this way please." We boarded the monorail car, it was only a five minute journey but I was glad not to have made it on foot in the sweltering temperature outside. We entered the house through an entrance that was imposing but lacked the ostentation of the Empire or the unconsciously projected authority of the Federation, walked down a long corridor before my guide knocked politely on a door.
"Yes?" Kira's voice came from the other side.
"Mr Jellicoe madam."
"Show him in please Thorman." The door was opened for me and I moved within. Kira stepped towards me looking the very definition of casual sophistication, she took my hands and kissed me warmly on both cheeks.
"Stannis. I'm glad you could come." She was doing a good job of hiding it but I knew her well enough to sense her tension. "Would you get us some drinks please Thorman? Anlian gin for me and a Scotch and soda I presume?" She aske me.
"Please." I answered.
"Very good madam." Thorman moved at once to the drinks cabinet, poured and mixed the drinks with practiced efficiency and brought me my glass and Kira her plastic container before discreetly withdrawing. Kira and I engaged in strained small talk, dancing around the subject, each wanting the other to be the one to bring up the child I never knew I had. It was a game she was better at.
"So...I have a son?" I asked finally.
"Yes."
"What did you call him?"
"Corrin. He looks a lot like you, he's got your rebellious streak as well." She said with a wry but fond smile.
"When did you find out?"
"Just before you left. I knew it was a dangerous job and I didn't want to give you anything else to worry about, I planned to tell you when you came back but you never did." Her tone was even, it was a statement of fact neither accusing nor absolving.
"Does he know about me?"
"No and you're not to tell him." My face must have betrayed me. "I mean it Stannis, right now you're just a sperm donor, if you want to be a father you have to earn the right. It'd be good for him to have you in his life but I'm going to risk you coming here, turning his world upside down and then vanishing for another seven years."
"Alright, I don't suppose I've got any right to complain."
"No you bloody well haven't." She turned to the console on the arm of her chair. "Marie-Louise would you bring Corrin in please." A short while later a small boy was ushered in by his nurse, and I took my first look at my son, his colouring was mine, blonde hair and fair complexion but in looks he was his mother, the same pronounced bone structure and wide expressive eyes. I had not known how I would feel but my stomach knotted and my eyes misted at the sense of waste and loss that I had inflicted on myself. "Hello my darling." Kira greeted him with a warmth in her voice and face I had not witnessed before. "What have you been up to?"
"Playing with my spaceships." The little boy said happily thrusting a toy Anaconda towards his mother. "The Federation invaded, we weren't ready but we fought back." He explained with the earnestness only small children have and I was aware of the twinkle in Kira's eye at the thought that my son saw the Federation as the baddies. "We beat them in the Battle of Lave and my ship destroyed three Corvette's and their Flagship."
"I think my brave boy deserves a treat for saving the whole of the Alliance." Corrin beamed at his mothers words. "How would you like to meet a real Elite space pilot?"
"Can I?" The little boy could barely contain his excitement.
"You can my sweetheart, there's one standing right here." She gestured to me. "This is Stannis, he's a very good friend of mine from before you were born."
My son looked me up and down, then back to his mother then back to me. "Are you really Elite? How many pirates have you killed?" The first words my child ever said to me; a question about killing.
"I am." I replied. "But I don't think I've killed many at all, pilots are able to eject these days so they were mostly arrested by the police." I don't know why I lied because small boys have no concept of what the terrible finality of death truly means, but something inside me recoiled at the thought of using the ocean of blood I had spilled as a tool to impress a child.
"Oh." He said looking confused, then smiled again. "What ship do you have?"
"I've got a few, I flew here in a Corvette."
"My favourite's the Anaconda."
"I've got one of those as well." I smiled as his eyes widened.
"What's your favourite?" He demanded.
"If I'm going to fight it's the Corvette, for anything else it's the Anaconda. Would you like to have a look around my ship?"
"Yes please!" The little boy almost burst. "Can I Mama? Please!"
"We'll see, if you're a very good boy." Kira said shooting me a look. "Now why don't you show Stannis the rest of your toys?"
I spent the afternoon with my son, we played spaceships then with his holo-console and finally we kicked a ball around in the garden, the things fathers have done with their sons for millennia, the things I had done with my own father and my eyes filled up several times for the seven lost years and the determination that there would be no more, one way or another I would see my son grow up.
That night Kira snuggled up to me in huge bed in her personal chamber.
"He likes you. Why don't you stay with us here till you have to leave? Spend some time with him."
"I'd love to." I replied.
"I have to go to the capitol on Wednesday so if you want you can show a space mad little boy over this ship of yours. It'll do you both good, you might even grow up yourself."
"I am what I am."
"You're a man out of time Stannis, you believe in the old fashioned virtues and the modern galaxy doesn't give a damn about them, it will use you, laugh at you and hate you for them."
"I know, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror."
"Promise me something?" She asked wistfully
"Anything."
"Don't ever change Stannis."