Personal Log 104: A Conversation
12 Oct 2016Jemine Caesar
I didn't have long to wait. The very next day, while Sam was away bounty hunting, Steel called me to say he "just happened" to be in LHS 3447 on business. We arranged to meet at The Harvester, one of Dalton Gateway's quieter bars. I told Steel he would recognise me by the short blue dress I'd be wearing, and made him promise to wear his wide-brimmed hat.*****
"Howdy, Jem. Long time coming."
"I'm glad you're wearing your hat."
"Couldn't turn a lady down."
"It's really good to meet you at last, Steel. Things just kept getting in the way."
"I noticed that. Well, it seems to be handled today. First time I spoke to you I was fifteen hundred light years away from here, give or take a parsec."
"And I know you've come a long way today, just to see me. I appreciate that. What would you like to drink?"
"They don't have any Indi Bourbon here, or Lavian Brandy. I'll just have to settle for the local whiskey. As for it being a long way, I guess I think of distance differently from you."
"I haven't travelled very far. Ah, here are our drinks."
"Thanks. There's something about being so far from inhabited space and then trekking your way back. A few hundred light years is just a day trip. Yeah..."
"You seem to still be somewhere else, Steel. Is something on your mind?"
"Hmm. Truth to tell, my mind wanders all over the place, Jem. I was thinking of the deep black and going out there again."
"Are you thinking of going far?"
"The core, and then the far hub. There's a mystery out there I want to investigate."
"A mystery? What do you mean?"
"Well... have you heard of Erimus and the Distant Worlds Expedition?"
"I've heard of the expedition. But Erimus... no, I don't think so."
"Erimus is one of the expedition leaders. One of the most famous explorers in the galaxy. If you ever make it to the Pillars Of Creation, Erimus discovered them. If you ever make it to Eta Carinae, Erimus' name is all over that place. No matter where you go, Erimus has been there or nearby."
"And you want to see what all the fuss is about?"
"Erimus is also a member of a secret order called the Children Of Raxxla. In fact, close to a third of the Distant Worlds Expedition are members of the Children Of Raxxla."
"Raxxla? That's familiar."
"It ought to be. The legend. The Gateway that is also the Key."
"Gateway? Key? Steel, I don't understand."
"Inveni fila situm fenestras clavem pendet. It's a legend. And that statement is a riddle, a clue to its design. It's an object somewhere in this galaxy which represents a technology far beyond our own, and beyond the Thargoids' as well. Nobody knows for sure what it does except for maybe one group, and they're not talking. It's up to anyone else to find it if they can."
"It sounds dangerous."
"Oh hell, yes! I'm positive it is a right deadly pursuit, without a doubt."
"What language was that you were speaking?"
"Latin. I learned it years ago. It's an old Earth language used by the ancient Romans. They set the stage for everything we do now. Don't they teach this in schools anymore?"
"Ah. I never went to school."
"In a way, that's an advantage. Means you can learn what interests you."
"I don't really know much about anything."
"I reckon that's an exaggeration."
"It's true, Steel. My parents were travelling showpeople. My mama taught me to read and write."
"You can read and do basic math. That equips you to learn almost everything else there is to learn. Language is the key to the rest of our knowledge."
"Well, my education lay in other areas, I'm afraid."
"I remember you mentioning the prostitution. That's a legitimate trade in enough places, but I think you've outgrown it."
"Yes, inasmuch as I've left the life behind. But I can never forget it. Tell me, Steel, do you travel alone?"
"I don't have a wife, if that's what you're asking. Or a girlfriend. The only company I have in the black is Kate. She's my onboard AI. Funny, this is the second time today someone's asked me if I was single. Starting to think there might be an agenda."
"It's just natural curiosity. Who was the first person to ask you?"
"Seline. She's a former Imperial slave who was a sport player. I don't remember which game. She explained it to me but spent most of her talk about how she was out to change the Empire and abolish slavery. I wish her luck."
"Seline. That's a pretty name."
"It's from the old Greek word for moon."
"Greek? I remember that. It's another ancient Earth language. It's mentioned in Shakespeare. My papa used to quote Shakespeare to the farmhands we performed for."
"I think I like your papa already."
"He crossed the bridge last year."
"How did he take it? Was he still himself at the end, or did he end ugly, saying and doing things that weren't anything like he was in health?"
"I don't know. I wasn't there. He and mama died in an explosion on our caravan. A faulty atomostove. I was off-planet, heading towards Sol."
"Best it happened quick. It's the lingering that's the worst. The ones who age but lose their minds and can't afford the treatment."
"He was a kind man. I was always his little girl."
"Good. I'd choose that way to go if I was him. That way you remember him the way he lived, and you don't have his ugly death to twist your memory. Fate gave you a gift."
"I suppose so. He was only 56 when he died."
"Too young."
"Yes."
"So... your boyfriend... Sam, isn't it? He know you're here with me?"
"Of course. He's out doing a little bounty hunting. But don't worry, he's not the jealous type."
"He probably ought to be a little jealous."
"Oh? Why's that?"
"Well, people are jealous because they're afraid of losing something precious to them. If Sam's not jealous, that implies he isn't afraid of losing you. That could be because he's so all-fired cocky that there's no way you'll be lost, or it could be that he lacks the emotional understanding of what fear would mean. You have to love in order to fear."
"Sam has no reason to be jealous, Steel. At least not on my account. He knows we have a strong relationship, and I'm not about to break that. He isn't cocky. He's sweet and loving and generous. And he is very emotional."
"Still, playing a little thought experiment where we're in a different dimension and you belong to me and I belong to you; even if I have perfect confidence in you and trust you implicitly, I'd have to let you know now and then that I'm still jealous of losing you."
"It almost sounds as if you and I are in that different dimension now..."
"Not sure I get your meaning. Explain."
"I... Nothing. I'm just being silly. Let's have another drink. I'm buying. Same again?"
"Yes, absolutely. So, what have you been up to out there? Just trying to keep your head above that murder mystery you're in the middle of?"
"Yes, more or less. It's never far from my mind."
"Seems like it should be easy enough to break up. Going after so many victims in such a regimented manner makes them really vulnerable."
"It should. But whoever it is, they're very clever. And very inventive in their methods. One of the girls was a beautechnician. She was spun to death on her own centrifuge."
"I have some experience with homicide investigation. When a victim is killed like that, it's for one of two reasons. First possibility is to show off what they can do. To shock or intimidate, make an impression to glorify the killer's ego. The other reason is out of pure hatred for the victim. A sort of mutilation of the dead as revenge."
"Yes."
"This doesn't feel like the first kind, so I'd say you're looking for somebody that hates them."
"I think you're probably right."
"So someone took it real personal. You told me they were all part of some sick harem this one douchebag from Earth was pollinating. You have two primary suspects."
"I do?"
"The original bad boy you think is dead is not so dead, or else you killed a ringer and he was never dead."
"John? Oh, he's dead all right."
"The second suspect is his favorite girl is doing this to all of you. They all keep a favorite."
"I would say that would have to be me. He asked me to marry him."
"You wouldn't make sense. With someone like that, who's fucked in the head and goes along with his psychosis? That's who his real favorite is. If it's like that, she certainly believes she's the favorite."
"Hmm. There was someone like that. His childhood friend, Aoife."
"Then again I suppose it's possible you are suffering from a complex psychotic break, and you're the one killing everyone even without knowing. Suppressing the memory of it. Probably not, though."
"Haha! Definitely not!"
"No. Forensic evidence would easily point you out as the killer in any case. So, talk to me about Aoife."
"She doted on him. He got her a job as an intern in his father's corporation on Earth. JG Industries, it's called. It's based in New York City, close to Central Park. Aoife helped John to keep in touch with all the girls on his harem list. She arranged a Sidewinder for each of us after our children had died of NTUP. She still though John might be cured of his condition, and the two of them would live happily ever after. But then she realised that wasn't going to happen."
"Please don't try to set me up with her!"
"I was the only one to go to Earth. John asked me to marry him on the strength of that. A few months ago, Aoife committed suicide."
"According to who?"
"The New York Police."
"Not good enough."
"She left a note confessing to the murder of John."
"What was the manner of her death?"
"She shot herself in the head."
"Was her face disfigured?"
"I don't know. It was confirmed to be her by DNA."
"Did she have a twin sister?"
"I don't think so, no."
"I'll go you one better. Did she have enough money to pay off the Medical Examiner to massage the results of the test? To have her declared legally dead so she could take on a new identity, possibly of this lookalike girl that got iced instead? Then she could move about without suspicion, stalking the harem girls."
"No. The results were verified by a friend of Sam's, Admiral Remi. He works in Federal Intelligence."
"Sweet mother of Bob Dobbs, Jem! You trusted the word of an intelligence operative on this? I get that he's a buddy of Sam and you trust Sam, but it doesn't follow that you should trust everyone Sam trusts."
"Well, I... I trust the admiral."
"Especially admirals! They tell the truth depending on what the last book they read suggested."
"Admiral Remi's not like that. He's old school. A decent man."
"OK, if you say so. I'm just saying that I've been a lawman and a federal officer for long enough to see there are so many holes in this. I can't begin to describe how many. I'm still not sure John's dead. And cloning is a proven technology that could cover up all kinds of things."
"I know it sounds bizarre, but welcome to my life!"
"If I had the means, I could grow a clone just like me, brainwash him to believe he's me, and set him up to die convincingly in my place. No autopsy will say anything different than I died."
"John is dead, Steel. I killed him. And he wasn't a clone."
" How do you know for sure?"
"Well, I suppose I don't. But I just have a feeling."
"Look, all I'm saying is this whole thing is obviously a giant conspiracy. He's rich, right? So he had the means. Well-connected, which could lead anywhere. Clearly a sick bastard. All of this would be a great way to make him feel powerful, which is what it's usually all about."
"Yes..."
"If he faked his own death so convincingly, he could be watching you twisting in the wind, pulling strings. Hiring professionals to kill the harem girls one by one just to toy with you, as revenge for rejecting him."
"I never thought of that..."
"I think of it all the time. Bounce it off Sam. See where he stands on it. I'm curious if he'll be immediately dismissive or if he'll look into it."
"All right. I will. You're a rather facinating man, Steel."
"Me? I'm OK."
"Yes. You're... OK."
"Hey, careful with that smile."
"I like to smile. It makes me happy."
"Taken women, who flirt a little too well. Damn you all to hell."
"I'm sorry. I admit I'm rather a flirt. It's a sort of habit. A legacy of my past."
"I figured it was something like that. For what it's worth, a less wise man would be falling for it. About five years ago I'd have taken this conversation entirely different directions."
"Five years ago I would have let you."
"Oh, "Let" ain't good enough, Jem. I'm thinking mutually energetic participation."
"Mutually...?"
""Let" implies you're just inviting me in passively. I'm more into a girl who opens the door and then does some pulling and pushing of her own."
"I've been that girl. And many more besides."
"It only counts if it's the one you most want to be."
"None of them counted. Until I met Caz. John called himself Caz when I met him. That didn't end well. And now I have Sam."
"So I heard. There's a whole story. Hey, you're trembling! Jem, tell me what you're feeling in there."
"I... I'm hating myself."
"Why?"
"Because of what I used to be."
"But--"
"I know! I know. I'm not that girl any more."
"I know it's not enough to say it, but you don't deserve that. The self who was you yesterday no longer exists, and she was a lot closer to you now. You died yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. How many times have you died since you were this person you are hating right now? And what does she have to do with Jemine Caesar, the woman whose hand I'm holding right now, the woman I'm trying really hard not to order more drinks for so she gets drunk enough for bad judgement?"
"Well..."
"While I'm on the subject, there ain't no ring on your finger."
"No. Sam and I aren't engaged. What about you, Steel? Is there a woman waiting for you somewhere?"
"There've been some. I like women. When I feel lonely it's women I look for. But before long I get behind the flight stick and boost out into the stars and they never wait for me. I've got a small collection of break-up letters, some of them sad, some of them angry, some full of lies about illegitimate children that I later checked on to confirm they were lies. Long story short, I'm not considered a prime catch by the typical female of the species."
"Well, at the risk of being exposed as a flirt once again, I'd say you have a lot to offer a girl."
"I think I do too. It's just a crying shame that you're dating a guy who most definitely ought to reconsider his jealousy policy."
"There's that alternate dimension again."
"There's a lot can get done in this one."
"Steel, I..."
"What? Too much?"
"Yes, a little. Steel... when you head off towards the far side of the galaxy, you will keep in touch with me, won't you?"
"That's what we have quantum entanglement ansible sets for. You could always come with me, though."
"It sounds enticing."
"I'm not leaving tomorrow or anything. I have a long hunting contract to finish first."
"Well, then, we can meet again sometime. It's getting late. I should be going."
"And so should I. Thanks for the drinks, Jem. Next time they're on me."
"Thank you for coming. I've enjoyed it."
"Hey, it's more for you than me. I'd have been here twice already, but you kept having things come up!"
Haha! Yes, all my fault!"
"Completely!"
"Take care, Steel."
"Don't be a stranger."
"I won't if you won't. And, here's a kiss... just to cement our friendship."
*****
Kissing him on the cheek, I felt Steel's hand lightly gliding across my bottom. As I left the bar I turned and looked back. Steel was slowly adjusting his wide-brimmed hat, a curiously faraway look on his face. Our conversation had certainly been thought-provoking. For both of us, it seemed.
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OOC
Thank you to commander Argent Steel