Personal Log 109: A Conversation
13 Oct 2016Jemine Caesar
Later, as I lay alone in bed in our Stevenson Base apartment, I received a k-cast from Argent Steel. I asked what he'd been getting up to...*****
"I took part in a seek-and-destroy exercise with three other pilots. Casooch, Seline and Karvin Delront. I'm particularly impressed with Seline. She's only been flying a relatively short time."
"Perhaps we should all meet up sometime."
"That'd be fun actually. They're good folks. I admit, I'm also curious to see how much you flirt with people who aren't me. You just might be a bottomless well of flirt energy. If we could develop a way to fuel scoop that, we might advance our technology by centuries."
"Hahaha! If you think I'm a flirt, you should see my mother!"
"Well, at least I know she makes pretty daughters."
"She only had two. And she's not likely to have any more."
"One was all I had to see. My mother would have loved you. And somehow I don't think you'll have ever seen anything quite like my homeworld."
"Perhaps you can show it to me someday."
"That's a possibility. Jem... if you could've chosen what you've done with your life, what would you do differently?"
"Goodness! Umm..."
"I know. It's one of those questions."
"My mama was a classically trained dancer. She taught me how to dance, so I think I would have become a ballet dancer."
"What do you like about dancing?"
"Dance is a beautiful thing to watch. To be able to command your body to perform so many intricate moves."
"There's a difference between watching a thing and doing it. Or are you saying you just want to be part of something beautiful?"
"I feel joy whenever I dance. And it makes you forget your troubles. You have to concentrate on the movement, to the exclusion of all else."
"I'm afraid that doesn't work for me, but I'll allow that it just might work for you."
"Do you dance, Steel?"
"Oh, sure. But mostly to impress women. I'd say that's the same for most men. Our bodies are practical machines. Yours are quite a lot more aesthetically pleasing."
"So are you saying that men dance because it's some sort of mating ritual?"
"I guess. In a sense. It's not that focused. It's social. I wouldn't say it's all about mating, but it certainly is about connecting. You ever see a married couple dance together? I remember seeing my mama and dad dance when I was a little kid. Even being real young, it was enough to make me understand what it meant for them to bond. I think someone dancing artistically, like you're talking about with ballet, is doing it to connect with the audience as a whole, and that's different but still related."
"It's the same, really. That's what I mean about the beauty of dance. It makes a connection between the dancer and the audience in a way that nothing else can."
"It seems to be more one-way. I think a dancer is incomplete without a partner."
"The audience is the partner."
"It's a bit hard to love a bunch of strangers."
"The audience may not be moving, but they have a relationship with the dancer and therefore with the dance. It's not always about love. Dance can make you happy."
"Certainly that's true. Still, for myself, I prefer one over the other."
"You mean love?"
"I guess. I don't know. What I mean is, I think something private is more beautiful than something on display."
"No. Not more, just different."
"There's something precious about something that only a couple of souls share. Doesn't mean there's no value in the other thing, but it's like... how do people define value? It comes down to scarcity. Something uncommon and fleeting is easier to lose. That makes it more precious."
"That is true."
"How do you feel when you're dancing for someone else versus when you're dancing with someone else?"
"To dance solo is to be in complete control of one's own body. The concentration is absolute, and focussed within. To dance with another is like an extension of that concentration. You have to flow with one another, and anticipate each other's movements. There's a greater degree of trust needed."
"There you go. Trust. That's about the most valuable thing in the universe."
"Yes. I sometimes think I have far too much of it."
"Maybe. Maybe that's what makes you uncommon."
"Yes. Well. I have to go, Steel. I'm working at The Rose, and it's getting busy again."
"Do me a favor? Try not to wait so long before you show up again. I start thinking someone's blown you up or something. Just drop me a note sometimes?"
"Haha! I promise."
"Thanks, Jem."
"You're welcome, Steel."
*****
I closed the k-cast contact and put down my dataslate. In that moment I longed for Sam. I desperately wanted him to enfold me in his arms, to kiss me, to undress me and make love to me.
Had Steel and I really been talking simply about dancing? I suddenly felt that my whole life had been a dance, in which I'd been taken by many partners. I'd always known the right steps. But now the steps were becoming more and more complicated.
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OOC
Thank you to commander Argent Steel