Personal Log 117: A Conversation
16 Oct 2016Jemine Caesar
"Sam, why are you so patient with me? My mood swings over the last few days have been so wild. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down.""The reason I've been so patient with you is simple, I've been through events similar to yours in the past. I understand what you're going through. When everything happened at Rotanev, I'd almost forgotten about the interim.. until now. It's all come flooding back recently, and I've not known what to do with myself. But you kept me going, Jem. Every minute just knowing you're around brightens things up, even in my darkest days."
"That may be so, but I know I've been snappy and irritable with you, and just wanting to be alone for a lot of the time. I often wish you would just hit me and have done with it. After all, what's one more bruise?"
"I could never lay my hand against you! That would bring me down to sub-human level. And that isn't calling you delicate, because you've got a will of steel that I occasionally envy!"
"Is it true, what you said, about Gayle Graham not ejecting from the explosion? I wish she had saved herself. I would have liked to speak with her, to tell her that I understood why she did what she did. She had every right to punish me."
"I can attest that she didn't eject from The Last Thing when it was destroyed. I spent a good few minutes looking for the escape pod, and, when I scanned it, it was empty. I found her body not long after. I didn't fire upon it as I couldn't bring myself to. Even in death, evil still warrants an ounce of dignity."
"Yes... I have a confession to make, Sam. I haven't told you this until now, because I know you'll be so angry with me. Gayle took away my lockets. Both of them, mama's and the one you gave me. She took them away and destroyed them. She wanted to teach me a lesson about holding on to the past. She was right, of course. I'm sorry. "
"No, Jem. She was wrong! Everything Gayle said about you is a blatant, maudlin lie. And you need not apologise about the lockets. There's no shame in holding onto the past which was good. Naturally we want to let go of those parts of the past which hold us back."
" But I can't forget my past, Sam. The hardship, the poverty, the lies about my birth, the death of my daughter... Oh, for Gaia's sake! What's the use in me bleating on about it? Gayle Graham said I'm just a stupid, pathetic slut, and she was right! Nothing I do matters, anyway! No, don't touch me! Just leave me alone! I'm going out!"