Personal Log 150: 10 - 17 January, 3303
29 Jun 2017Jemine Caesar
10 - 17 January, 3303When I left Stryker Aune's ship early the next day, it was with a distressingly familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach...
Guilt.
I'd had the same feeling just a few short months before, in the lawless space of Pegasi. Then, aboard a ship called Inevitable Betrayal, I had betrayed the love of my boyfriend, Sam Hodkin, by making love with another man. When I confessed my indiscretion to Sam afterwards, I'd vowed to him that I would never betray him again. Yet now, aboard a ship called Broken Bow, I had just broken that vow by making love with someone else.
Sam had wisely refused to accept my vow. "Don't make promises you may not be able to keep," he had told me. "That way it won't hurt so much the next time."
He'd been certain that there would be a next time, despite my assurances to the contrary. And I had now just proved him right. As I walked through the malls of Citi Gateway, past the Ingabar and on towards the habitation sectors, I wondered how long it would be before I proved him right all over again.
I'd spent half my life being taken by one lover after another. Not that love had ever had anything to do with it, apart from one notable exception. Back then it had been for money, to survive. I had thought that by leaving my home in LHS 3447 I would also be leaving that life behind me forever. But I was wrong. The habits of half a lifetime have proven to be just too hard to break. Try as I might, I can't forget my past.
I'm no longer even sure that I want to.
I loved Sam with all my heart, but I could tell that I'd hurt him deeply when I told him about my romp with Matt Lehman, the bounty hunter. And now there was Stryker Aune, the pirate. I didn't want to hurt Sam, but I knew, deep down, that it probably wouldn't be too long before I broke my vow once more and betrayed him all over again. He didn't deserve the heartache of knowing that his girlfriend is really just a promiscuous tart.
There have never been any secrets between Sam and me.
Until now.
*****
It was another three days before The Last Thing was fully repaired and signed off as spaceworthy. Stryker Aune had already departed the starport, as had Marra Morgan and her associates. Presumably they had all returned to their pirating activities in Pegasi.
I idly wondered why Marra had chosen to come all the way from Pegasi to celebrate her birthday at the Ingabar. There were, after all, plenty of bars on Clair Dock she could have gone to instead. She'd probably even have been able to book the Exotica for a private party, if that sort of place was to her taste. Perhaps she'd come to Inara just for a change of scenery.
On each of the two occasions I had encountered Marra Morgan, she had been closely accompanied by the same two people; there was Idris, her man-mountain of a bodyguard, and Apollonia, her personal assistant. With the emphasis on 'personal'. From their body language at Marra's birthday party there was certainly more to their relationship than merely employer and employee. That Marra was in charge there could be no doubt. She clearly enjoyed being in complete control. Marra was smart, cunning, manipulative and dangerous. And she didn't care who knew it.
Apollonia seemed to stand in sharp contrast to her employer. Whereas Marra was brash, arrogant and openly antagonistic, Apollonia was demure, ingratiating and deferential. And as for Idris, well... Idris was an impenetrable enigma. The three of them made a fascinating, if fearful, combination.
*****
I flew out of Citi Gateway on January 12th, the birthday of my real father, Edward Harvard. I sent him a k-cast recorded message to wish him many happy returns, together with a promise to give him a birthday present at our next meeting.
On board The Last Thing, after the routine of running through pre-flight checks, I put in a call to Sam to say I was about to return to Beta Hydri.
"I can't imagine I'll ever come back to Inara," I told him. "It's such an out-of-the-way system, not really on the route to anywhere in particular."
"It'll be good to have you here again, my love," he said. "I'm sorry you didn't get to see one of those flower-ships out in the Pleiades, though I must admit to being relieved about that at the same time. I was concerned for your safety, as you know."
"Well, the whole trip turned out to be a complete waste of time," I replied, adding, "for me at any rate. Galnet has been full of reports of sightings left, right and centre. Just not by me!"
"Never mind," said Sam. "Better luck next time, eh?"
"Pfft! I've got far more important things to do with my time than go chasing round the galaxy looking for ruddy flower-ships!"
"Your bounty hunting career?"
"Yes. I'm determined to make a go of it, Sam."
"I don't doubt that, just so long as you remember that bounty hunting is a very risky profession. A battle can be won or lost in a split second."
"I know," I said. "But I'm a big girl. I can tell when to fight and when to run. Don't worry about me."
"But I do worry about you, Jem. I can't help it. It's a cruel 'verse out there."
"I'm aware of that. And if I can make it less cruel by ridding it of some of the scum..."
I paused, momentarily confused by what I'd just said. Stryker had used the word 'scum' to describe himself and his fellow pirates. Yet I hadn't regarded him as scum just a few hours ago, when he had been making love to me...
Snapping myself out of my daydream I focussed on my conversation with Sam. He told me he'd been giving some thought to moving into the taxi business, saying there was plenty of money to be made ferrying the rich and almost-famous around the bubble's tourist spots.
"And in other news," he went on, "my sister Sarah has got herself a boyfriend. It's Karl Beck, one of the lads in the band."
"That's lovely news," I said. "Let's hope he turns out better for Sarah than that scu— that swine, Luke McCoy."
"He'd better," agreed Sam. "Otherwise he'll have me to answer to. But Karl's decent enough. I think they'll get on very well."
*****
My journey to Beta Hydri was straightforward, and it wasn't long before Sam and I were celebrating being back together again. Sam continued to run deliveries around the local systems, and I continued to work on my combat skills wherever I could.
On January 16th I received a k-cast from my mother;
"Jemine, my darling! How are you? I'm at a system called Carthage. We're shooting the final scenes for the holo-soap, terribly emotional, you know how it is with actors! Anyway, there's going to be a big wrap party here on the 18th, and I'd be absolutely thrilled if you and Sam could come. You will, won't you. Oh, do say you will!"
The prospect of going to a real show business party and mixing with some well-known celebrities filled me with excitement. Sam had no hesitation in saying he'd love to go too, so I sent a message to mother telling her we'd be delighted to attend.
"That's wonderful, my darling!" came the reply shortly afterwards. "Barnes is coming over as well, so we can all have an absolutely lovely time together! Now, be sure to pack your poshest frock, darling. This is the Empire, after all!"
I had several very nice dresses, including the ornate Imperial evening dress I wore when I met Diadem, father's fiancée. But nothing I had in my wardrobe seemed quite right for a glamorous get-together with a bunch of holovid stars.
"Sam," I said finally. "I've nothing to wear for that party. We need to get to Carthage, now! I'm sure to find something there."
"OK," replied Sam. "I may even pick up a new suit for myself, too. I wouldn't want to embarrass your mother by turning up looking like a scruff, now would I?"
We made our preparations to leave Beta Hydri the next day for the trip to Carthage. I decided to leave The Last Thing at Stevenson Base, instead sitting in the co-pilot's seat of Sam's Asp Explorer. Soon we were docked at Carthage's Marker Depot starport. We booked a room for two nights, and then I called mother to let her know we'd arrived.
"Oh, splendid," she said. "Barnes got in earlier, so we're all here. Now, you did remember to bring something to wear for the party, didn't you? There'll be some terribly important holovid types, and you'll want to look your best!"
"It's not as if I'm trying to impress anyone into casting me in the next big holomovie," I said. "I'm a bounty hunter, not an actress."
"Of course, of course, but you simply must make an effort, my darling, otherwise you'll end up looking like the poor relation, and that would never do! Now, perhaps you'd better show me what you've brought with you, so that I can give it the once-over."
It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. Mother had certainly embraced the glamour of show business since coming out of retirement, judging by her more than usually flowery language. I wondered if she'd always been like this.
"I haven't brought anything," I said. "Apart from essential changes of clothes, that is. And some makeup and a few bits and pieces of jewellery. And my Lalande shoes, of course. I thought I'd just go shopping for a party dress here."
"HERE?" said mother, horrified. "Oh, no no no, my darling! You won't find anything remotely suitable here! Carthage is an industrial system, darling, bare basics only. They don't have any boutiques here worthy of the name. Dear me! There's only one thing for it, my darling, you'll have to make a dash to Yarrite. It's a High Tech system, only a few light years from here. You should be able to find a branch of Lalande's there."
"Can't I just get something delivered here?" I asked, feeling a little exasperated with all the fuss.
"You could," mother replied. "But it mightn't get here in time. The wrap party is tomorrow, you know."
It was useless arguing the point, so Sam and I got back in his ship and flew to Yarrite. Sure enough, there was a House Of Lalande fashion outlet on Deslandres Terminal, a coriolis orbiting the inner planet. After a few hours of trying on different outfits, we returned to Marker Depot and showed mother our purchases. I had bought a gorgeous Imperial Blue full length boat neck gown with silver lace appliqué on the bodice, ruched sleeves and a mermaid skirt with a high side slit. A pair of silver high heel sandals and a matching silver clutch bag completed the ensemble.
"Oh, yes," said mother, giving me an approving smile. "Stunning, my darling, absolutely stunning! And I have plenty of proper jewellery you can borrow. If only your hair wasn't quite so short. Oh, but you'll turn heads, my darling, no question."
Sam's outfit was typically ostentatious, being a mint green suit comprising a long jacket with wide lapels and pleated side panelling, narrow trousers flared from the knee, and a high-necked primrose yellow shirt with long lace cuffs.
"Yes," mother said to Sam as he dutifully modelled the suit for her endorsement. "You'll do."