Log Entry #5.
06 Jun 2021Amy "Silent" Silva
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Personal Log #5
CMDR Amy "Silent" Silva
Date: 6/6/3307
Location: LHS 145, Finney Settlement
Transcript:
Alcohol, man's best invention, second only to the hyperdrive. Or so I've come to think for the past few days. Numbs the mind from all the worries. Recently I've met up with someone who I've come to view as a mentor of sorts. I don't quite know him all that well. But, that's to be expected. We've only met a total of twice so far. I'll be leaving out his personal details as I'm not sure he would appreciate me mentioning him by name. From here on out I shall refer to him in my logs as Mr.X. I woke up to an incoming message a few days back. It was rather daunting. He connected to my ship's private communications network via an anonymous signal.
Mr.X contacted me with an offer that seemed too good to pass up. He's offering guidance, it seems promising. I could use all the help I can get. That, I won't deny. I grew up in a rather sheltered life where the community is tight-knit. It was rather peaceful. Compassion and honesty were rewarded greater amongst everything else. I'm starting to learn that out here in the black, things work differently. Compassion can be used against you. Trust, a rare and finite commodity. I'm not entirely sure how much I can trust Mr.X yet. However, I'm not going to reject his offer.
I've ventured out here to LHS 145. I'm currently docked at Finney Settlement. I could use a break from all the bounty hunting, I think I'll call this station home for the next few days. It's got a nice bar and it's not too far away from my current assets. I plan to do a lot more exploration. I recently bought a brand new Diamondback Explorer and have outfitted it for planetary surveying and exploration of near and distant systems alike. It has some power distribution issues but that can be fixed in the future.
Last night, I found myself unable to cope with the mental pressure. My previous log explains just how come. I find it hard to cope with the thought of violence and thus, I resorted to drowning my guilt in brandy. Coincidentally, Mr.X bumped into me as I was having a heated alcohol-fueled discussion with a potted plant. I'll admit, it wasn't the best way to represent myself. Mr.X and I had a rather insightful discussion. He told me that compassion is not weakness but it had to be carefully placed in the right situation. My new fighter pilot and almost everyone I come across seems to dismiss me as weak-willed and naive. So, it was rather nice to hear Mr.X telling me that my views are not a sign of weakness. Albeit, guilt that weighs heavy on the mind can be a hindrance.
Mr.X informs me that there is a way to negate guilt and compassion from dwelling within my mind, allowing me to focus on what needs to be done when it comes down to it. It involves combat efficient cybernetics and artificial intelligence that would take over my thought process in high-stress environments. It's a very tempting offer. One that I'm seriously considering. I mean, if it'll take the stress away and make me perform better, why not? I figure it'll help me survive a lot better out here. One less thing to worry about is always welcomed in places where there's a lot to focus on. I'll have to discuss the details with him a little more before I go all in though.
Soon, Mr.X will be taking a few of his students out into Guardian space. he's kindly offered an invitation for me to tag along. I look forward to it. Though, before I can even think of venturing that far out, I'll need to upgrade my ship. I don't think stock modules will fair very well that far out in the unknown. I guess that'll be my focus for the next few days. I've heard of certain contacts, engineers that are top of the trade. I'll have to go out in search of them. Hopefully, I can do so in time.
End of Log.