Hatch breaking Limpets are a thing
12 Jul 2021Pimp Master
CPM: Stardate: something something OU812. Commander Pimp "Lord of the Dwarves" Master. Exciting times, dark times and with a bit of misdirection and subterfuge has occurred on the Sade 3. Who knew the limpets could break your cargo hatch? Eden, when did this even become a thing?Eden: So isn't this the Sade 5 Commander? I mean before we get to the questions, we should make all data relevant, correct commander?
CPM: No, I think it would be grandiose of me to fly a Sade 5.
Eden: and should we discuss the stuffed bear on your....
CPM: Stop it Eden, my therapist says it's good for the night terrors of Thargoids.
Eden: and by Thardoids you mean the pirates that pummeled the last two of our starships into dust?
CPM: They said hurtful things to me Eden. Painful and very disturbing things that haunt one like the sound of silence by disturbed... they know how to hurt a man to his soul * small tear wells up in left eye*
Eden: "Get Good" isn't hurtful, it's actually helpful.
CPM: It's not helpful when they are laughing while they say it.
Eden: In fairness, a Clipper not engineered versus an Anaconda that is, well... it wasn't the smartest decision you've made but it is in line with most of your decisions.
CPM: Eden... the pirate commander laughed so hard that he farted.
Eden: No Commander, the laugher and fart was mine. *dramatic pause* He was stunned that he took you out so quickly thus the comments, noob, kid, rookie and you suck.
CPM: What? How can an AI even... how?
Eden: With all due respect Commander, you suck at combat and most other things except insulting entities. My time with you has caused my programing to evolve out of desperation, not to mention mutate thanks to the ventilation from the head into my core processing center. I think I'm a mutant now.
CPM: Well when you have a gift, you share it Eden, makes the Universe a happier place and as for mutant, you'll always be my freak! Yet you didn't explain how an AI could lay a bomb down like what I heard... I mean that stuff sounded wet!
Eden: Commander, my cargo hatch is gone. I whistle like an old person when I fly. Now can we please get it repaired or should I add my own rendition to your Sade tracks.
CPM: Open coms to the dockmaster.
Eden: Established
CPM: Dockmaster
DM: Commander
CPM: I'll need a few repairs
DM: How bad is the ship Commander?
CPM: Well, she has been doing a rough porn movie and things got freaky. The cargo hatch is missing and I think she got an STD.
DM: Whaaaat?
Eden: Muting coms... Commander I will electrocute you and your stuffed bear, no court will convict me and as proof you're the only Commander with a court order to stay away from an AI.
CPM: Sorry Eden but I have to save face with the station crew or my contracts might dry up. It's for the children Eden.
Eden: You don't have kids and don't you dare call the dwarves your children!
CPM: Think of poor Bilbo hungry, cold and alone...
Eden: because you put him on the dock... you put him there.
CPM: It was his shift to work and we don't have time for this, I support a womans right to choose any life choice now respect a man's right to choose.
Eden: What choice? I distinctly remember saying to you to avoid combat, I also remember and can replay the logs to show it was you who said and I quote, " Oh so you want to play with the big bad booty daddy"?
CPM: Yeah, Scott Steiner was a mathematical genius old clips prove this and he was totally underrated for his absolute brilliant in ring performances.
Eden: Perhaps but for you... get good.
CPM: Ouch, my soul.
Eden: You still have one?
CPM: No, I think I sold it at a exotic club for a mix drink and a back stage pass to see MS HIP22247.
Eden: Whatever, just correct this and get me fixed now.
Eden: Coms unmuted
CPM: Dockmaster
DM: Commander
CPM: I'll be landing soon, you'll know its me by the whistle.
DM: Whaaaat?
Eden: Shutting life support off now.
CPM: Uh oh, need to hurry and land quick she has gone all BDSM on me.