The Ghost of Borann
24 Aug 2021Pimp Master
Eden: Commander, we have only have 10 limpets remaining.CPM: OK, we have a pretty good haul of Icy diamond things.
Eden: Low Temperature Diamonds Commander
CPM: Yeah, I really like the icy thingy kind of phrase. It reminds me of Mistress Miss, she liked to... what the.... on that asteroid. Scan Eden, quick.
Eden: Scanning... what am I looking for Commander?
CPM: Not sure... just scan. Bilbo to the bridge.
Bilbo: Go away, special time.
CPM: You can play with your little pony dolls later.
Bilbo: They are action figures not dolls!
CPM: What ever you little freak, get up here now.
**** Moments later****
Bilbo: OK, so do you have your junk stuck in something again?
CPM: I wish it was cause it would be a lot more fun than this. Look out over there and just watch.
Bilbo: What am I looking for?
CPM: Just look
Bilbo: He's lost his mind again, I knew an STD would eventually take it's toll and I.... huh? Wait! Did I just see that? Eden scan...
Eden: Listen you two oversexed teenage boys, I already scanned that location. I will not be doing that again.
CPM: You saw it too?
Bilbo: I saw something, something that I don't want to see. What is our location Commander?
CPM: Borann
Bilbo: Nose hairs of a fairy!! I told you never to travel to this location, EVER!!! We dwarves have banned this place for all time with good reason Commander!!!
Eden: I don't understand, what is going on? Why the concern?
Bilbo: Get us out of here now, she has already seen us. I know she has and she will come for us all, why me? Why!!! WHY!!!!
CPM: Settle down Skidmark, setting course for nearest solar system.
Eden: Who is she and what are you talking about? What is going on?
CPM: Jumping in 4,3,2.... FSD offline.
Bilbo: I'm going to hide under my bed now.
CPM: No your not, we need to get the FSD back online.
Bilbo: Too late, she is here... I know it.
Eden: Who? talk to me or I'll fry both of you... wait, capacitors are empty, but I'm putting out a full charge from the distributor. Pips are correct, what is going on?
CPM: The Screaming Blonde virgin of Borann or we refer to her as Karen.
Eden: huh?
CPM: Listen close Eden, I will tell you the tale of woe and sadness that melts every heart who hears it, well not really but it sounds better than a virgin died so who cares. Once upon a time there was this you couple, due to their upbringing, sex outside of marriage was absolutely forbidden needless to say the strip clubs suffered horribly. The story goes that the parents of both would tell them stories of how awful sex was to ensure that they both remained a virgin until married, scaring them with tales of people like me, muwahahaha.
Bilbo: If only the same would have happened to you.
CPM: Skidmark, confessing your love for me at this moment tells me a lot, I still don't care but thank you anyway so shut up and fix the FSD.
Bilbo: I am not going to the engine room alone Commander.
Cpm: Dwarf1, to the bridge *** the sound of a blackhole collapsing on itself and in just a second there is dwarf1 on the bridge***
Dwarf1: Daddy?
CPM: PeeWee Herman, glad to have you here, please escort Bilbo to engineering.
Bilbo: I hate you
CPM: PeeWee, Bilbo is scared, will you hold his hand?
PeeWee: No but Commander I will hold your....
Bilbo: Cut it out you Viagra test case midget porn star!! Fine just stay close but not too close ok!
CPM: Now back to the story, so they were virgins and the family had the marriage on a spaceship in this area.
Eden: Why here?
CPM: They were cheap, got lost, looking for love in all the wrong places... who knows.
Eden: OK?
CPM: Never asked and why would I? I'm sure there is a reason but again I still don't care. So any how, the got married and then came time for snu snu but no snu snu was to follow. You see both the kids were too scared because of what their respective parents had told them about snu snu and yet another reason to not do drugs Eden. Well if no snu snu happens within 12 hours of being married, the marriage is then dissolved and the families go to war. A bright idea was achieved probably from someone looking to increase their subscriber account on onlyfans, they separated the young couple into two rooms and had them watch 4 hours of hard core porn. Needless to say they were ready for snu snu and by ready I mean screaming for that booty like R Kelly. Alas, a rouge asteroid hit the ship and killed everyone onboard including our newly weds, whoop there it is. Some say that this Karen is angry over the loss of snu snu, some say she could out perform Nina Hartley but what ever it is, she haunts this area of space looking for snu snu.
Eden: So your a horn dog, make her happy.
CPM: Easy there Madam X, any man who attempts this drastic snu snu will die from her frigid Karen personality. Many have tried, all have failed and died which only leads her frustration growing deeper. Some say she tries to use ships like a Hitachi wand ...
Eden: Like hell!! I'm not having some skank get off on me. You need to fix this now Commander!!
CPM: Yes Eden, thats why I sent Bilbo *** scream from engine room*** Uh oh
Eden: Bilbo will be on the bridge in 2, 1
Bilbo: [scared and breathing heavy] She is here *** PeeWee walks in****
CPM: PeeWee why are you just strolling in here like a free pass to the Chippendales?
PeeWee: That would be nice but she ain't got what I want and I'm not worried about some female who can't get satisfaction, besides Commander I always satisfy.
Eden: So she didn't bother you Mr Satisfaction?
PeeWee: Oh she floated over to me moaning and groaning but I looked at her dead eyes and told her that I like beef and don't do fish, two snaps up with a twist and I walked out.
Eden: She left you alone?
PeeWee: Of course, only my Daddy can get my...
CPM: Stopping this before I get sick and get my logs banned.
Bilbo: Oh crap oh crap there she is!
Karen: [freakishly shrill voice] SNU SNU
CPM: Bilbo, use your dwarven hand cannon and go snu snu with her.
Bilbo: Dwarven what the fu**? You're the one who jumps everything, get your aloe and slide into your duties of first contact Commander tan bum!
CPM: Yeah I would but she isn't breathing.
Bilbo: No, your rule is that only one of you have to be breathing.
CPM: True but my little commander isn't thrilled so how about this... Eden, I want to have a threesome with you and your sister.
Eden: Sorry Commander, I know what you are doing and I really want to see how you get out of this nightmare... alive that is. Also, no power in capacitors, remember? Good luck you wanker!
Karen: SNU SNU!!!
CPM: Ok... OK... I see that I will have to lead this mission so I got this, follow me boys and girls and PeeWees! Karen, welcome to the Sade, you have come to the right place and by place I mean our little brothel. Here on board the Sade which actually is a registered adult film starship, we, the crew and I will go to great lengths just to pleasure ourselves.
Bilbo: That's very true
Eden: Well he isn't lying, I have seen all of you and your freaks.
PeeWee: Says the starship that did a playboy layout with her friends.
Eden: It was for the articles only!
PeeWee: hehehe articles, it wasn't even closed captioned.
Karen: *** confused look on face*** snu snu
CPM: Fine fine, one track mind, I like it and it will be very helpful if you hold on to that thought. Snu Snu for you and me but before we begin I'll need some aloe, anal beads, a gallon of bourbon and one of Bilbo's dolls
Bilbo: Action figures!!! and NO!!
CPM: Bilbo, it's for the ship and her crew. Man up you little panty waste.
PeeWee: So why do you need one of his toys for commander?
CPM: Good question and the answer is simple, to wrap the beads around at the end of our torrid affair like Mardis Gras.
Bilbo: Not going to happen, I'll not have it.
Karen: SNU SNU
CPM: Slow down there One Way, but first daddy wants a lap dance. Let's see your moves, lets see that pent up aggression your holding, lets feeeeeeel it girlfriend!!.
Karen: [total shock on face] What?
CPM: Shake that booty girl.
PeeWee: If you need pointers I'll help.
CPM: Someone turn on the song milkshake asap and dim the cabin lights. *** Like a blackhole collapsing peewee leaves and returns, I think he is related to Gandalf***
PeeWee: Here are your items that you requested commander including the action doll.
Karen: What? Why?
CPM: Baby girl, this is going to be a night you will never ever forget, you'll hear Lionel Ritchie and see the big bad booty daddy known as Pimp Master. I just got my pelvis healed and I have not had any alone time in days. Bilbo, apply aloe, PeeWee pour the bourbon and Eden, this is for you.
Karen: What?
CPM: I always let Eden watch
Eden: I never watch
Karen: You're freaks!!
PeeWee: That's my daddy.
Karen: Your what?
Bilbo: Yeah he has a "what are you doing step father" kind of thing for the commander.
Karen: ^^^extremely disturbed look on face and now full of fear***
CPM: Listen, I don't have any STD's, although there was this itching thing on my testicles but the doc assured me it wasn't from the lap dances and it would go away in a month.
Eden: Took 3 months and it was from the lap dances.
PeeWee: I told you I would scratch them for you.
CPM: Back off and no way grabby Mcgrab my junk.
Karen *** horrified look on her face fear totally takes over***
Eden: Perhaps she should know about the dwarven dance troop
CPM: Please don't remind me, how you guys went through soooo much mascara I will never know how dwarves could use tons of liters.
PeeWee: I miss the heels, they made me feel pretty.
Bilbo: I miss the alone time and the shower dances.
CPM: I miss the credits and the ass-less chaps.
Karen: I made a horrible mistake
CPM: No, no... shhhhh we don't say that here. We say snu snu for you.
Karen: ***screaming in fear as she rapidly floats out into space***
PeeWee: Amateur
Eden: Wow. Just wow. You chased a sex crazed ghost of death into space. She would rather be tormented by her passions and loneliness than spend a night with any of you.
CPM: I'm an acquired taste ***quickly looking at PeeWee*** don't say it.
PeeWee............................................................................................................................................................... daddy