A Decision
11 Sep 2021Aylin Ouyang
I'm... better today.I spent a good chunk of yesterday contemplating and thinking. I was aware of the risks and danger, but when it hits you in the face for real it's just so, so intense, and I felt a terror I never thought possible.
It was a long time I spent holed up in a corner of a bar in Guest City, thinking about what I really wanted. Did I want to take such risks again and again? What am I doing this for? Do I have it in me do this?
I probably spent hours on these questions and more, flipping them through my head again and again. I eventually came to a conclusion.
The conclusion is that I did want to do this. After being stuck on Gehry Port for so long and earning a relative pittance, I now have the chance to do something more. It's not without risk, but great risk and great reward, right? I also consoled myself with the fact that as a relatively newbie pilot I beat a pirate who probably has more hours in the flight seat at interdicting me, so I bested them in one thing at least. I should probably thank the Pilots Federation for tossing me into that combat orientation session. Being not completely lost when the interdiction avoidance system kicked in definitely saved me.
I'm going get back into it by starting with some safer missions. Maybe ferrying biowaste out to disposal sites. No one's going to be interdicting me for that, surely?