Nobody's Looking For You
06 Jun 2022Aurora Bael
Look, I haven't the time nor the inclination to tell you about how I got my eyes fixed. I don't really desire to give you any details about the conversation with Azura's people that kept me out of prison. Suffice it to say that the partnership with CTAC is moving forward, and as such there will be space for anyone involved with CTAC to fuck off to Pamantesc Colony out in the Empyrean Straits as they like. About 10,000 seats I can fill, actually. Gonna be a long time until I can manage that alongside being CTAC's primary security expert. The need to own a fleet carrier is growing.As the first stop on my tour of investigation, I shook down Bob Harkness for anything he might know. If he does know anything, he's a much better liar than he was a year ago. Asshole couldn't even keep our fling secret, let alone something like this. While I was there, though, an old ghost popped up to say hello. "Nadie"... I haven't been called "Nadie" in a long fucking time.
Of course it's Jade who said it. (She and Bob ended up getting married after they dried out long enough to notice each other, can you Adam and Eve it?) She's the one who first started calling me that after I got us into a Federal barracks in 3303 and came out with historical Listening Post data stretching back almost 30 years. It makes tracking a hell of a lot easier when you at least have the full public record. And wouldn't you know it, Bob still had a copy! Then it was just a matter of buying the interfaces and and server permissions from Chilton directly, and I have my War Room back. Which is handy because I've got an unfortunate number of leads to track down and visit between here and Achenar. And to do that? Well.. you don't think I spent the last three weeks sitting on ass, do you?
A while back I found myself in possession of an Imperial Courier. Technically it's unclaimed property from the Winking Cat mass heist, but the paperwork all checks out at first blush. Looks just like any other "used ship" sold by an independent dealer. While my brain meats were still getting pummeled by artificial action-potentials, I could not think of a good way to make use of it, nor did I have any desire to. I mean, I've got a Vulture and a Chieftain, what the hell can a Courier do that those can't?
Well, for starters, about 715 m/s. How's that? Any wonder I called her "Blitz"?
I could have pushed harder for speed on this build, but I don't have time to cozy up to everyone I need to cozy up to in order to make it work. Gathering materials to pay for and get an audience with all of the engineers I needed to safely strip out the extra weight to get the speed I got was hard enough. Then along comes Felicity Farseer looking me in the eyes and asking point blank "What exactly do you need all this speed for?"
"I'm just seeing how far I can push it," I half-lie. "Don't worry about it."
And Felicity just crosses her arms and gives me the ol' hairy eyeball until I fess up. "Espionage. Infil/Exfil, both planetary and spacebound."
"Mhm. This have anything to do with that Colony Director you stabbed?"
I blink the shock out of my eyes and say, "Damn, word gets around, don't it?"
"I'd be careful with that if I were you," Felicity says warily. "You're not the only one who has ever got burned by the Dark Wheel."
I scoff at her. "The hell you know about the Dark Wheel? They're a myth."
She wags her head side to side as her eyes look to the ceiling for a good answer. "Maybe. Or maybe they're a metaphor for the shadowy rulers of human occupied space."
"Codex says you claim to have seen them," I say.
Felicity shrugs and puts her hands in her pockets. "So, you're going to need atmospheric control again, aren't you? What you want it rated for?"
I say 5.5, Felicity shakes her head at me and tells me she can do 3.0 atm and to take it or leave it. So I took it. Not a bad decision. Look at this beautiful ship. Just look at it.
Goddammit. Why does Gutamaya have to make them so damn pretty? This mission might be taking me down a dark path. I'm not sure I like it. Going back to the life on purpose, even for revenge, feels wrong. The fact that I like flying around in this neon blue lightning bolt feels wrong. All the same... This is the world I grew up in. It feels familiar in a disturbing and empowering way. Like I've drawn back the curtain and I'm seeing it through new eyes - both literally and figuratively. There are some undeniably attractive things about the Empire's principles of human flourishing. The lack of starvation, for example, is a really good one. I've been all over Alliance and Federal space and either by incompetence or indifference people are starving in all corners of their space. But... is it worth that if being post scarcity requires forced labor? And such a strict hierarchy? No, probably not. But maybe... Maybe it doesn't require that.
Is it possible to effect that cultural shift from within? Aisling Duval is working on it, at least in part... What if... Fuck me, what am I even saying? These people saw me as sub-human for almost two decades. The fuck do I want to support them for in anything? Just get deep enough to learn what I need to know, eliminate the threat, and get out. No lingering, no tinkering, none of that.
...How long am I going to be able to hold myself to that? One thing is for sure. I have a natural desire to return to Imperial Space. There are so many loose ends to tie up in my life.
It would be nice to find my kids. Especially Chelsea. God I miss her... I miss Daniel and Samantha a lot too, but little Chelsea. God, she must have been so confused and hurt. All of them went through that, to some degree. Daniel and Samantha were already at arm's length, but to lose their father like that? Maybe their home? Whatever happened to them and are they okay? Where's Moira? What happened to her? How has she been? Will she ever forgive me for the short time I didn't even know her face? ...How's dear old Dad?
Bloody hell, I can't take much more of this. I wish I could just stay home with Mal and forget all of it ever happened. Settle in snug with Lily and the rest my new found family, start figuring out how to love a man again, focus on science and keeping their science safe. Hell, I got colonists to deliver... But I can't leave this problem on the table. That they shut my mind off to use me like a tool, that's bad enough. But if they did it to me, they're damn sure doing it to someone else. I can't just let that go.
So I'm going after it. With everything I have.
Fly Dangerous, Commanders.
- Rory Bael